Buzz
You can't stop thinking about the girl you have feelings for, and this obsession is preventing you from living happily. You've tried everything but still can't erase her from your mind. Even though it feels like you'll never forget her, you can find peace sooner than you think by following these simple steps.
Steps
Understand Your Problem
Realize that you must forget her. Before you can forget someone, you need to acknowledge that it's time to stop thinking about them. You must admit that obsessing over her not only consumes your day and keeps you up at night but also makes you more miserable than ever. Here’s how to know you can’t stop thinking about her:
- If you can’t go more than five minutes without thinking about her.
- If the more you try to forget, the more you remember her.
- If you compare every girl you meet to her.
- If you feel unable to like anyone else, even if they have feelings for you.
- If you find yourself constantly writing or drawing about her as if obsessed.
- If every song you hear reminds you of her.
- If you can’t stop checking her Facebook or Twitter every few hours.
- If you feel like you’ll never be happy without her.
Identify the reasons why you can't stop thinking about her. Once you recognize your problem, you need to figure out why you can't stop thinking about this particular girl. Understanding the root cause will help you find a solution. Here are some reasons why you might be obsessed:
- You’ve never met anyone as amazing as her and believe no one else compares. She’s so special that you feel you must have her. If this is the case, remind yourself that with patience, you’ll meet someone even more special.
- You’re dissatisfied with every aspect of your life and feel she’s the only one who can fix everything and bring you true happiness. If so, focus on improving areas like your health or relationships.
- You feel this way about every girl you like, jumping from one obsession to another. If this is your pattern, your obsessive thinking is preventing you from enjoying life or future relationships.
- You’re recovering from a serious relationship. If this is true, it may take longer to stop thinking about her, but you’ll get there. In the meantime, learn how to heal a broken heart.
Make a plan. Once you’ve identified the cause of your obsession, create a plan to stop thinking about her. It may feel impossible, but with a clear plan and determination, it’s easier than you think. Here’s what to include:
- If you haven’t cut contact, now’s the time. If she’s in your friend group or class, spend less time with mutual friends or sit as far from her as possible. If you’re staying in touch to talk to her or if she teases you, cut all ties. The less time you spend around her, the easier it’ll be to forget her.
- Stop following her on social media. Plan to reduce how often you check her Facebook. If you’re constantly on her profile, gradually decrease your visits until you can go a day or even several days without checking. For a stronger approach, unfriend her or deactivate your account.
- Delete her phone number. If you have it saved, remove it. If you really need it for some reason, write it down and hide it.
- At the end of each day, estimate how much time you spent thinking about her. Aim to reduce it by 30 minutes daily. Be cautious, as tracking this too closely might worsen your obsession.
- Set a specific date as your goal for officially moving on. It could be months or even a year from now.
- Be patient. Remind yourself that this takes time, and don’t rush the process. Otherwise, you might end up thinking about her even more.
Spend time with loved ones
Spend time with family. Surround yourself with as many people as possible to remind yourself that she’s not the only person in the universe. Maintaining strong family ties will keep you grounded and less likely to obsess. Here’s what you can do:
- If you live near family, offer to help with chores. You’ll not only assist busy loved ones but also feel useful.
- Call home as often as possible. Before calling, think of topics to discuss to avoid talking about her.
- If you’re close, ask for advice. Hearing how family members overcame their own obsessions can make you feel less alone and remind you that your goal is achievable.
Spend time with close friends. Close friends can make you feel loved and appreciated, and they can also distract you from thinking about her. Spend meaningful time with friends, attend concerts, or watch movies together to take your mind off her. Here’s what you can do:
- Find fun activities to do with friends, like kayaking, trying a new restaurant, or jogging together. Having a shared goal will help you avoid feeling down when just sitting and chatting.
- Be open with your friends. Instead of constantly complaining about her, share your struggles and seek their perspectives. If they know you’re having a tough time, they’ll likely spend more time with you and even push you to get out of the house.
- If you’re too down to leave the house, invite friends over. On days when your obsession feels overwhelming, invite friends over for pizza or a movie—just being around them will make you feel better.
Spend time with other girls. Even if you’re not ready for a romantic relationship, don’t underestimate the power of hanging out with close female friends or being around friends and their partners. This can help you in the following ways:
- Reflect on what makes these girls special. This will help you realize that your dream girl isn’t as unique as you thought.
- Over time, try to appreciate other girls for their individuality without comparing them to her.
Stay active
Create a daily schedule. Don’t underestimate the power of a structured routine. You might be obsessed with her because you have too much free time. A schedule will keep you focused on tasks and leave less room for wandering thoughts. Here’s what to include:
- Plan your mornings. Remind yourself to go for a run, read five news articles, or complete a task within a set time.
- Plan your daytime activities. Create a schedule that includes work or school, time with friends, and hobbies. Ensure you don’t have too much downtime.
- Plan your evenings. You might find you have a lot of free time after work or school, so set goals like reading a few chapters of a book, watching a new movie, or hanging out with friends to avoid scrolling through her Facebook profile.
Improve other aspects of your life. You’re so fixated on her that you’ve neglected other areas of your life. Improving these areas, like your fitness or friendships, will not only make you happier but also help you forget her. Here’s what to do:
- Focus on relationships. If you’re having issues with friends or family, work on resolving them. You’ll feel better and less lonely.
- Improve your health. If you’re obsessed with a girl, you might neglect your health. Aim to exercise at least three times a week and eat three healthy meals a day.
- Change your environment if possible. If your home is messy because you’ve been too distracted, take time to clean or reorganize. A tidy space will make you feel more at ease.
- If your overall environment, like your city or workplace, is making you unhappy, your obsession might be part of a bigger issue. If possible, consider moving or changing jobs. A fresh start can help ease your pain.
- Become more selfless. You might be so focused on not having her that you’ve stopped noticing the world around you. Volunteer in your community or help friends and family with tasks like repairs or painting.
Pursue a new hobby. Anything outside your usual routine or comfort zone can help you break free from feeling stuck. A new hobby will distract you from thinking about her and make you feel more active. It can also give you a sense of renewal and purpose. Here’s what you can try:
- Travel. Getting away from your current environment can refresh your mind. If you can’t afford a big trip, plan a weekend getaway with friends.
- Express yourself. Take singing, dancing, or improv classes. These activities can help you release emotions and bring joy.
- Read works by a new author. Lost love is a common theme in literature, and discovering an author who resonates with your feelings can make you feel less alone. Reading also makes you more interesting—just ensure it doesn’t isolate you. If you’re reading a book, take it to a park or library to be around people.
Be ready to move forward
Start dating again. When you feel ready to meet new people, it’s time to step out of your shell. You can start by asking someone you like out, setting up blind dates through friends, or creating an online dating profile. Here’s how to approach it:
- Take it slow. On your first date, stay calm and enjoy the moment. Focus on having fun and only get serious when the time feels right.
- Avoid talking about your past obsession. It’ll turn her off and make you seem fixated.
- Remind yourself that your feelings for the new person won’t be the same as before, but reward yourself for trying.
Control obsessive behaviors. It’s great that you’re ready to move on, but ensure your new relationship doesn’t mirror the old one. Break the cycle of obsession and pain with these steps:
- Don’t get attached too quickly. While it’s important to be open to love, avoid thinking about her constantly, or you’ll suffer if things end. Don’t replace one obsession with another—it won’t make you feel better.
- Stay busy and active, even if you’ve found someone you genuinely care about. Maintain your dynamic lifestyle and integrate her into it. Spending all your time on her will only set you up for disappointment.
- If it feels right, open your heart to love. Once you’ve moved on, you can love someone new without fear. Don’t let caution prevent you from experiencing deep emotions again.
Advice
- Laugh more often. Watch comedies or spend time with funny people. A good laugh can change your perspective, and when people say, "It’s not the end of the world," they mean it.
- If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation.
- Avoid texting or calling her if you want to forget her. You can delete her contact if needed.
- Stay away from her to avoid seeing her.
- Plan a trip somewhere new. A change of scenery can refresh your mind and help you move on.
Warnings
- If you’ve tried everything and still can’t forget her after a long time, and life feels meaningless without her, you might be depressed and should seek therapy.
- Alcohol won’t ease your pain. While it might temporarily help you forget her, it can also lead to emotional outbursts and embarrassing public breakdowns.
- Sometimes, we can’t forget, especially those we deeply care about or if guilt is involved.
