How to Get a Girl to Want You Again

Give her some space. Although you might think fighting for her attention is the best route, it's often more effective to allow her some breathing room instead of pushing for her affection right away. Unless she's becoming serious with someone else and you’re determined to intervene, it's better to step back and give her time to heal and reflect on the relationship.

• This doesn't mean cutting off all contact unless you believe that's the best approach. However, avoid constantly texting her or asking her to hang out unless you want to overwhelm her.
• When you give her space, she'll likely begin to miss you. She may start thinking, "I haven’t heard from [insert your name here] in a while. He must be fine without me..." This will pique her curiosity and leave her wondering what you're up to.
• If she initiates a hangout early, that's okay. Just don’t come on too strong when you meet up.
• Allowing her space demonstrates maturity, and that will only increase her attraction to you.
• It's important not to wait too long to reconnect. Give her enough time to heal, but don’t allow so much time to pass that she forgets all the wonderful things about you. Each situation is unique, so take your time—but as a general rule, wait at least a few weeks, but no longer than two months.
• Reader Poll: We asked 1493 Mytour readers how they would react if a partner pulled away, and 53% said they would give their partner space to decide on their own. [Take Poll]

Reflect on what went wrong. While you're giving her space, don't just passively wait for time to heal things. Use this time to consider why things fell apart. Was it something as clear as not giving her enough attention? If so, great. But if the issue was more complex, like a mix of her not feeling valued and you spending too much time out with friends, then you need to identify the underlying issues that caused the relationship to fade.

• If she ended the relationship, you'll face a tougher challenge. Think about all the reasons she might have called it quits; if it was sudden, look through past messages or emails to find clues.
• If you were the one who ended it, your challenge will be different. You'll need to reassure her that you won’t break her heart again.

Create a plan to address the issues. After pinpointing the problem, it’s time to find solutions. If multiple issues are involved, you’ll need to address them individually or find a broader solution that encompasses them all. For example, if you neglected her because you spent too much time with your friends, make her a priority by scheduling regular date nights and planning activities together. If communication was the issue, commit to being honest and compassionate in your interactions.

• Part of resolving the problem will require you to work on yourself. It's unlikely you were blameless in the relationship.
• Another part of your plan should focus on how you view her; if something trivial like her obsession with horses irritated you, find a way to accept it before moving forward.
• If you need to tackle major issues, make a long-term strategy for doing so, whether it’s seeking therapy, quitting an addiction, or making personal changes.

Improve yourself. Even if you’ve found the exact problem and solution that could win her back, it’s rarely that simple. Instead, focus on becoming a more appealing person overall. When you approach her again, she'll notice the difference. This means working on both your inner and outer self. A new haircut might not impress her, but showing you're happier and more aware of how you present yourself will catch her attention.

• Invest more time in your favorite hobbies, whether it's biking or fixing up cars. Your enthusiasm for your interests will make you more engaging to talk to.
• Develop a positive attitude toward life. If she enjoys being around you because you lift her spirits, she’ll be more inclined to spend time with you.

Show her that you're doing great without her. If she hears you're wallowing in misery, crying in public, or shouting her name from street corners, she'll be repelled faster than you can say, "I miss you!" Instead, let her see that you’re living a fulfilling life without her. She’ll see you as someone with a vibrant existence, making her wonder why you’re not showing signs of missing her more.

• Casually hang out in places where she might be, but make sure you’re with friends and appear to be having a great time without overdoing it.
• If you run into her at a social gathering like a party, don’t immediately drop everything and rush over to her. Approach her eventually, but let her see that your life doesn’t revolve around her.

Make sure her friends see that she needs you. Here's the truth: your chances of getting her back are slim if her friends dislike you. If her friends think you're too controlling, didn't treat them well, or just weren't a good boyfriend, you need to change their perception. Convince them that you weren’t as bad as they think, and make sure they share that with her.

• If you run into her friends, make a conscious effort to engage in casual conversation, but don’t overdo it.
• When speaking to them, don’t bring up her immediately. You can casually ask about her and let them see that you’re genuinely affected, but avoid making it too obvious.

Ease back into her life when the moment is right. After enough time has passed, and you've gotten back on her radar, start making small moves to reconnect. This can be as simple as stopping to chat when you bump into her or sending her a text about something you know she’d enjoy. Whether it's a casual hello or joining her at lunch, take it slow.

• Be chill about it. Show kindness without overloading her with compliments. Keep it light, and let her wonder if you're just looking for friendship.
• Once you’re talking again, gradually step things up. Invite her for a simple activity like coffee or a lecture—don’t dive straight into anything romantic.

Let her see that you’ve changed. You don’t need to announce, "Look how different I am!" Instead, show her through actions that you've made real changes, especially if you had to. If she thought you were messy, make an effort to clean up your appearance. If punctuality was an issue, be on time for your next meeting. Don’t point these out; let her notice for herself, and she will be impressed.

• Make sure these changes feel genuine. Don’t modify yourself just to impress her; otherwise, you might revert to old habits.
• If you feel you hurt her in the past, don’t hesitate to apologize. A sincere apology will show her that you’ve truly reflected on the relationship.

Play hard to get. Just when you think you're close to winning her back, when she’s finally realizing how amazing you are, that’s the exact moment to pull back. Don’t let her think it’s an easy win. Instead, make her work for your affection. As you spend more time together, don’t always be available.

• Disappear for a few hours and let her wonder where you’ve been. Her mind will be racing.
• If you’ve been out together, mention your other plans casually, making her think you could be taken.

Make sure she really wants you back. Once you feel you’ve grabbed her attention and maybe even made her a bit jealous, it’s time to make sure she’s genuinely interested in having you back before you confess your feelings. While you don’t need absolute certainty, the more confident you are that she wants you again, the less likely you'll embarrass yourself. Here are some signs that she's ready to rekindle things:

• Observe her body language. Does she lean in when you talk? Does she make eye contact, and glance down when she’s feeling shy?
• Notice if she's showing signs of jealousy. Does she ask if you're dating anyone else, or seem upset when she sees you with other girls? This could mean she wants you for herself.
• See if she’s started treating you like a boyfriend again. Has she been giving you compliments, hugs, and inviting you to activities that feel more like dates?

Express your feelings to her. When you're confident she feels the same way, there's no reason to hold back. Find a moment when the two of you can be alone in a quiet, somewhat romantic spot. Look into her eyes and tell her how much you've missed her and how badly you'd like to rekindle things. You don’t need to beg, but you should show that you’ve seriously reflected on your past relationship and are committed to making it work this time.

• Be specific about your changes. Show her how you’ve worked on improving rather than just making vague promises.
• Give her space to process. If she hesitates, don’t get upset. Even if she wants you back, she might still be guarding her heart.

Give your renewed relationship a fresh beginning. If your girl is willing to give things another try, make sure to start with a clean slate. You can revisit old favorite spots or shows you both enjoyed, but it’s important to introduce new activities and approaches to your relationship so it doesn’t feel like a repeat of your previous experience.

• Though reminiscing about happy moments is okay, avoid bringing up past issues unless you can laugh about them.
• Don’t take her for granted. Just because you're back together doesn’t mean you should stop showing her how much you care.
• Take it slow. Treat it as if you're embarking on a brand-new relationship, not just picking up where you left off. Don’t immediately spend all your time together like you did before the breakup.

Don’t repeat the past mistakes. While it’s important not to obsess over the past, be aware of the things that caused your relationship to fall apart the first time. If it ended because you neglected her for your friends, don’t let history repeat itself. If it ended because of something she did, be ready to have an honest conversation if the issue arises again.

• Remember how painful it was the last time you made those mistakes. You don't want to go through that heartache again.

Don’t overthink everything. While you should learn from your past mistakes, obsessing over them will only doom your relationship before it even gets a chance to flourish. If a difficult situation pops up, remember what went wrong before and proceed with caution, but don’t let constant worry ruin your time together.

• If you're always stressing about making mistakes, your girl will sense it, and it won’t make the relationship fun for her.

Stay true to yourself. Of course, if you had to make some positive changes to improve the relationship, that’s understandable. But don't walk around acting like you're constantly apologizing or trying too hard to make up for past mistakes. Your girl initially fell for you because of who you are, so don’t lose sight of what makes you, well, you. Let her see the qualities that she admired in you from the start.

• If you feel like being yourself would cause major issues in the relationship, then it’s time to reconsider your priorities.
• Have confidence. Remember, she loves you, not a version of yourself that is overly submissive or desperate for her love.