How to Get Comfortable with Your Child's Growing Up

As parents, it can be difficult to witness your child grow up. It feels like they quickly transition from adorable, innocent toddlers into unpredictable teenagers, and then become independent adults far too fast. Adjusting to your child’s growth means preparing both you and your child for each new stage of life. It involves nurturing them while gradually loosening the reins so they can become more independent.

Maintain a Positive Attitude Despite Worry and Sadness. A positive attitude toward your child's maturity is essential. Think about what your child has learned and be proud of that, just like when you were proud of them learning to walk or sleeping independently.

• Similarly, try to appreciate the developing skills of your child, like going to school, completing homework without needing your help, and making their own decisions.
• Instead of complaining about how fast they’re growing up, take pride in them and in yourself, knowing that through your support and love, you’ve helped your child become who they are today.

Allow your child to play freely before starting school. The desire to supervise your child, to guide and protect them, can be overwhelming and hard to control. Often, loosening the control and allowing your child to play freely in the yard is one of the first challenges for both parents and children.

• Talk to your child and explain what is acceptable and what isn’t.
• Allow them to play, but keep an eye on them and be ready to step in if needed.
• When you see your child respecting the rules and behaving the way you expect, you can gradually loosen the reins and take a step back.

Prepare your child for what to expect at school. Help your child get ready by introducing them to the daily routine, expectations, as well as the joys and fears that come with school. At the same time, you’ll need to help your child become more independent.

• Ask your child about any doubts or fears they may have and find common answers to ease their concerns. This will remind you that your child still needs you, but in a different way.
• Talk to your child about what to expect in preschool or school.
• Practice school routines by waking up early, preparing lunch, and taking your child to school. Show them their classroom. This will help both you and your child feel mentally prepared when that day finally arrives.

Fill the void in your daily routine with something positive. Although you will likely still be busy, you may feel a sense of emptiness in your daily life once your child starts school. Filling that gap with something you enjoy will make this transition easier and ultimately beneficial for both you and your child in the long run.

• Even though you won’t have more time once your child goes to school, it’s the perfect moment to start a new hobby. This period in your life is a new phase, and it’s the ideal time to improve yourself, expand your knowledge, or try something you’ve always wanted to do.
• You may have more opportunities to volunteer or get involved in your child’s school activities. This can be a positive way to bond with your child in a new way. However, be cautious about using such opportunities to stay “close” to them. Even at such a young age, you need to start gradually loosening your supervision.

Talk to your child about the physical changes they’re going through. As your child grows, it becomes evident when you start noticing physical changes. Use your experience and empathy to guide and reassure your child through this transition phase.

• These noticeable physical changes are a result of hormonal changes in the body. The endocrine glands produce hormones that cause the body to change.
• These physical/hormonal changes often come with psychological and emotional changes as well.
• Be open to answering any questions your child has about these bodily changes. Ideally, it’s best to start discussing bodily changes before puberty begins. Tell your child that such changes are normal and part of growing up. Be straightforward and sincere in answering any questions, even if it feels uncomfortable at times (both for you and your child).
• Although many schools offer lessons or special classes when children reach puberty, don’t rely entirely on that. Combining the school’s lessons about bodily changes with your perspective will better equip your child and encourage them to trust you and engage with you as these changes occur.

Be ready to embrace the emotional swings during this phase of your child's life. The hormonal changes your child is experiencing directly affect their brain. As a result, their interests, desires, and needs will fluctuate. You can almost be certain that moodiness and irritability will increase during this time.

• Your child might crave independence, even refusing to share details about their day. Yet, the very next day, they might want your full attention and to be heard immediately. Just listen. They will let you know when they need your advice or support.
• Understand that your child loves you, even when they act like a moody, unpredictable teenager. These emotional swings are a result of the hormonal fluctuations in their body. But keep in mind that if your child raises their voice to annoy you a little, it doesn't mean they don't love you!

Show your child that you love and support them. If your child wants to try something new, support them. Whether they succeed or fail, stand by them. In doing so, you affirm your role as a parent and contribute to their personal growth.

• Your child's emotional ups and downs may give you a headache, but remember that they’re also affected by these changes. They are trying to develop their personality while navigating all these transitions and need your support during this time.
• Whatever the issue, make sure your child knows that you love them and will always be there to support them. This reassurance will provide them with a stable anchor during moments of crisis.
• Also remember that a child's brain is not fully developed until their twenties. The underdevelopment of their brain can lead to impulsive emotions that often leave parents feeling frustrated.

Accept new relationships, but with boundaries. As your child navigates the physical changes in their body, they begin a series of new social experiences. This may manifest as new friendships or the emergence of romantic interests.

• Maintain open communication. When you accept your child's friends and relationships, they will feel more comfortable sharing what’s happening in their life.
• Be prepared for your child to start spending more time with new friend groups. Teenagers often feel safer when they belong to a group, as they haven't fully developed their independent identities yet.
• Try to maintain the bond with your child by spending quality time together, having dinner, and chatting with them. You want to be their friend, too.
• However, it's important to set clear boundaries as teenagers often act impulsively. Establish guidelines for good behavior and define healthy versus unhealthy relationships.

Understand that your child will need you less, at least not in the same way as before. This is the stage when your child will show increased independence. For example, they may prefer to spend more time with friends than with you.

• Give them space, but be ready to step in when needed. Allow them to handle their own issues independently. If you shield them too much and solve every problem for them, they will struggle to cope with bigger life challenges.
• This is also a good time to talk about finances. The weekly allowance you give them may no longer just cover movies and meals with friends. Have a serious discussion about the family budget and perhaps help them find ways to earn money. Earning money builds self-esteem and independence.

Manage your own stress. Raising a child at any age is a challenging endeavor, but parenting a teenager can be even more demanding. While helping your child manage the stress from changes and challenges, don't forget to manage your own stress. If you don't take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for your child.

• Focus on getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising regularly, relaxing, engaging in hobbies you enjoy, and seeking support from your spouse, family, or friends to manage stress.
• Your child is watching and learning from what you do, even if they may seem to reject your existence as they enter their teen years. Show them that taking care of your mind and body is essential.

Understanding the "Empty Nest Syndrome". You may think you will enjoy more free time (and space in the house) once your child moves out, but instead, you may feel sad and lost. Letting go of your child to become independent is tough, and adjusting to this new phase, even though you know they are ready, can be difficult.

• First, acknowledge that your child no longer needs your daily help. They don’t want you hovering around like before, and you won’t know every detail of their life. This is natural, and feeling sad about it is completely normal.
• As a parent with experience, try to understand the changes happening in your child's life. They love you and don’t want to hurt you.
• It’s normal to experience a sense of loss during this time, even if you’re lucky enough to see your child often. Don’t ignore or deny these feelings; accept them as part of the natural parenting process. After all, you’ve spent your whole life protecting and raising your child, so it’s only natural to struggle when it’s time to let them go.

Make an effort to spend time with your child. When your child becomes independent, it doesn’t mean they’ll vanish from your life forever. In fact, they may need you more than ever in different ways. Take advantage of the time you have together, whether it’s for significant days or spontaneous moments.

• Thanks to modern technology, it’s easy to stay in touch with your child, whether by phone or online. Stay connected and remain part of their life as they grow into adulthood. However, don’t overdo it (such as calling them every day), as this may make them pull away. Remember, your child is navigating adulthood and trying to figure things out independently.
• Be ready when your child wants to talk or meet. Don’t miss these opportunities because you never know when they will arise, especially as your child’s busy adult life progresses.

Learn to live comfortably. Don’t cling to your child or try to shield them from every negative experience. Allow them to make mistakes and succeed on their own. We all learn best from our own experiences and failures.

• Don’t rush to help your child at every turn. Offer advice when they ask for it, and always be understanding and empathetic. You won’t be able to help if you try to solve all their problems for them.
• Sometimes, your advice will be ignored, and you simply have to accept that as part of your child’s journey of living and learning.
• Support your child’s career, even if you hoped they’d pursue something else. Don’t try to use your child to fulfill your own dreams. When they follow their passions, your child will gain more confidence in themselves.

Keep living and doing what you want. Engage in activities you couldn’t do when your child was living at home. Parenting is a serious job that requires all your attention, often at the expense of your own needs. Now that your child is growing up, it’s time to focus more on yourself.

• Find a hobby or do something you didn’t have time for when your child was around. Focus on physical fitness and overall health, or invest more time in your career (especially if it brings you joy).
• Plan outings with friends. You can ease feelings of loneliness by exchanging experiences and having fun together.
• Do what you love. You will always be a parent, but don’t forget that you are also your own person. Do you remember all the dreams and aspirations you had before you had children? It’s time to start thinking about and planning to fulfill those dreams.
• When you make a conscious effort to continue living your life after your child grows up, you won’t feel a sense of loss when they leave. While overcoming the "empty nest syndrome" is challenging, it becomes easier when you anticipate and purposefully live independently.