How to Get Him to Pay Attention to You

When your boyfriend isn't paying attention to you, it can be incredibly frustrating. Whether it's unanswered messages or a 'cold war' situation, his detachment can leave you feeling hurt and may create problems in your relationship. Fortunately, there are many ways to identify why your boyfriend isn't giving you the attention you deserve and how to address the issue.

Give him time to cool down. If you've just had an argument or gone through an emotional turmoil, your boyfriend might choose to ignore you to regain his composure. Allow him his space, and let him know you're here whenever he's ready to talk.

• Some people need time to process their emotions, and your boyfriend may be doing exactly that.

Ask him how he’s feeling. You can start by asking if anything is bothering him and listen carefully when he speaks. Show genuine interest in understanding why he's ignoring you and what might have caused him to become distant.

• For example, you could say, 'I can tell you're upset because you haven't responded to my messages. Is everything okay?'
• Listen attentively without interrupting so you can fully understand the situation.
• Using silence in return will only escalate things. It's important to initiate a conversation to discuss the issue at hand.

Let him know how you’re feeling. You can continue explaining your side of the argument or express how hurt you are by his coldness. Let him know that you also need to be heard, just as you’ve been listening to him.

• For example, you could say, 'I know you're upset, but when you don't speak to me, I get really worried. I feel sad and confused when you don’t pick up my calls or respond to my texts.'

Apologize when you recognize your mistake. Many people choose silence when they feel angry or disrespected. If you realize that an apology is needed, do so sincerely (only if you truly mean it).

• For instance, you might say, 'I'm sorry for making you the joke of the class today, I won’t do it again.'

Resolve the issue. A 'cold war' not only creates discomfort for both of you, but also disrupts communication. Try suggesting ways to address the problem without resorting to silence, so you'll know what to do next time. You might try:

• Allow each person 10 minutes to calm down in separate rooms.
• Write down your thoughts and read them to each other.
• Have weekly discussions to identify and address issues in the relationship.

Avoid launching a 'full attack' on his phone when you feel ignored. When your boyfriend doesn't reply to your messages or pick up your calls, you might feel the urge to send him a flood of texts or leave several voice messages. However, this will only push him further away and might overwhelm him. If you're not hearing back from him, give him space and wait for him to reach out.

• He might be ignoring you because he's dealing with personal issues, and receiving multiple messages from you might make him feel more stressed.

Tell your boyfriend how you feel when you're being ignored. He might not be aware that he's ignoring you (or how much it affects you). Let him know that you feel upset and anxious when you have to wait a long time for his reply or when he avoids direct conversation with you.

• For example, you could say, 'When you don’t get in touch, I start thinking you’re mad at me or something's wrong. It really bothers me and makes me feel sad all day.'

Tell him you want him to spend time with you instead of ignoring you for other things. Balancing romance with work, studies, and other responsibilities can be difficult. If your boyfriend is neglecting you to handle personal matters, ask him to set aside some time for you. You two could plan a weekly date, call each other every night, or reserve a day to hang out.

• However, he also needs time for his own hobbies. While you might think playing video games or meeting friends is a waste of time, it’s actually very important to him!
• If you’ve noticed he’s been busier lately (with school or a new job), that might explain why he’s been less attentive to you.

Plan a romantic date. Perhaps you and your boyfriend need to reignite the spark! Have dinner together, give him a gift, and take a walk along the beach at sunset. Disconnect from the outside world so you can talk and rekindle your love.

• If you don’t feel like going out, prepare breakfast for him or watch your favorite movie together. You don’t need to spend a lot to create a romantic moment!
• Turn off your phones until the date is over so you can focus entirely on each other.

Encourage him to open up about his worries. Sometimes, couples choose silence instead of voicing their issues. If your boyfriend finds it hard to express his feelings, try asking if he wants to share anything, whether it’s about your relationship or life in general. Then listen with respect and an open heart.

• You might say, 'I feel like you’ve been distant lately. Is there anything you want to talk about?'
• Keep in mind, some people might seem distant when they want to end a relationship. Although this isn’t always the case, it’s a possibility.

Reevaluate the relationship when things don’t improve. It’s certainly disheartening to be with someone who doesn’t seem to care about you. If you've communicated openly and honestly with your boyfriend but he still remains distant, it may be time to consider ending things.

• Ending a relationship is always hard and should not be taken lightly. However, someone who constantly ignores you might not be the ideal partner for you.