Buzz
Forgetting your ex might seem like an impossible task, but don't lose hope! Right now, you might be feeling the sting of a breakup, as that past relationship was a source of dopamine – a hormone that made you feel happy. Since the breakup, that source of happiness is no longer there. However, you can always overcome the sadness and become stronger than before!
Steps
Managing Your Emotions
Shake your body to release energy. When you're experiencing intense emotions such as sadness, anger, or anxiety, your body produces negative energy as part of the survival response. However, this negative energy can make you feel worse if not released. One simple way to release this energy is to shake your body. Start by shaking your shoulders and work your way down to your legs, imagining that the negative energy is leaving your body.
- If shaking isn't your thing, try releasing energy through intense physical activity.
Find someone you trust to confide in. Talking about your emotions can help lift your spirits. Seek out someone you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with and tell them about what has happened, how you’re feeling, and don't forget to share your worries with them.
- Let the listener know that you just want someone to listen instead of giving advice. You could say, "Breaking up is really tough for me. Could you spare a bit of time to just listen to me?"
Another approach: Write down your feelings on paper when you don’t feel like sharing with anyone else. You can even 'dispose' of what you’ve written right after. Tear it up, throw it away, or burn the paper once you've expressed all your emotions.
Understand why your ex wasn’t right for you. Don’t idealize your ex after the breakup. Instead, focus on the qualities that led to your separation. Think about the times they disappointed you or the traits they lacked that made you realize you weren’t meant for each other.
- Consider what you desire in a partner. Later, you can use this list to find someone better suited for you.
Change the belief that you will never love again, if you are thinking that way. A breakup can hurt even more if you view your ex as the ‘perfect one.’ It may seem impossible to imagine loving someone else, but one day, it will happen. Stop thinking that there is only one person out there for you. Instead, remind yourself that you will love again.
- Life isn’t just about meeting one perfect person. Everyone will meet multiple potential partners, so ending a relationship isn’t as tragic as you might think.
Write a gratitude journal to recognize the good things in your life. Focusing on positive aspects can help balance negative emotions. Showing gratitude for the beautiful things in life is also a great way to cultivate positive thinking! In your gratitude journal, write down 3-5 things you are thankful for each day, no matter how big or small. When you're feeling down, reread your entries to uplift your mood.
- For example, you might write, "Today, I’m grateful for my friends, my kitten, and the cool weather."
Facing life after a breakup
Keep yourself busy during the first 2-3 weeks after the breakup. A breakup is a painful experience as the love and attention of your partner are no longer there. Your life now feels empty without them, and you may feel a sense of loss. To improve your mood, keep yourself busy with self-care and enjoyable activities with friends and family. Here are some self-care tips:
- Spend 15-60 minutes each morning focusing on your goals.
- Choose a fun physical activity like dancing or kickboxing.
- Take care of your basic needs, like eating, showering, and cleaning your living space.
- Treat yourself with things like a spa skincare session or a special coffee.
- Go to work or school.
- Spend time on personal goals or hobbies.
Set up a schedule that prioritizes your own needs. When you were with your partner, spending time with them was part of your routine. Changing your schedule helps you focus on your future. Create a new timetable that allows you to dedicate your mind to the life you desire. Don't forget to handle basic tasks like paying bills, doing laundry, and eating healthily.
- Post-breakup self-care can be challenging, but sticking to a schedule will help you maintain healthy habits!
Here's a suggested schedule for you:
6:00: Wake up, shower, and get ready for the day
7:00: Think about positive goals
7:30: Eat a healthy breakfast
8:00 - 17:00: Work/School
17:30: Have a healthy dinner
18:00 - 21:00: Spend time with friends or pursue a hobby
21:00: Relax before bed.
Find something to distract yourself with during the first few days to avoid thinking about your ex. Since your past relationship brought you happiness, it's natural to still long for that feeling after the breakup. However, constantly thinking about your ex and reminiscing about the past relationship will only cause more pain. Instead, engage in activities that help you focus on the present and temporarily forget your sorrow. Choose fun activities that bring joy and allow you to experience happiness without needing your ex!
- For example, you could invite friends over for a game night, go for a walk in nature, play a scavenger hunt, attend a painting class with friends, read an interesting book, or meet people with similar interests.
- However, don’t do these things just to escape your emotions. At some point, you’ll need to face the sadness you're experiencing.
Engage in activities that bring you joy to boost dopamine production. Replacing the dopamine you once got from your previous relationship will help improve your mood after a breakup. Each day, make time for at least one activity that makes you happy. Choose healthy activities that contribute to your life goals instead of opting for unhealthy coping mechanisms. Here are some suggestions for you:
- Exercise for at least 30 minutes every day.
- Take an art or cooking class.
- Join a recreational sports team.
- Adopt a pet if it's something you've always wanted.
- Join a club related to your hobbies.
- Get involved in volunteer work you're passionate about.
Spend time with friends and family for support. After a breakup, it's important to reconnect with your community. Reach out to your family and friends for support during this time. Let them know you’d like to spend time with them and chat or text them regularly. This serves as a reminder that you are still loved.
- While you might not feel like meeting anyone after a breakup, it’s important to stay close to those who care about you. If you don't want to go out, invite friends or family to do something fun at home, like watching a movie or doing crafts.
Remove traces of your ex from your life
Get rid of items that remind you of your ex. Seeing items that bring back memories of your ex can keep you trapped in longing for their affection. Take a look around your living space and remove anything that reminds you of your ex, such as photo frames, gifts, or mementos. You can donate or discard these items so they no longer trigger memories of the past.
- If you don't want to throw away these items, pack them into a box and give it to a friend. When you're ready, they can dispose of the box or return it to you.
Do a “clean sweep” of your digital world to avoid reminiscing. The digital world likely still holds many reminders of your past relationship, and seeing them can be painful. Don’t browse through old photos of you and your ex, as this will make it harder for you to move on. Here are some steps to take when you clean up your digital space:
- Unfollow all their social media accounts
- Delete all messages or emails related to your ex.
- Save photos of the two of you in a folder you can access later, then delete them from other places.
- Block their phone number.
- Avoid social media during the early days after the breakup.
Advice: In the week following a breakup, it’s best to stay away from social media. Seeing others post about their happy relationships can remind you of the sadness of your own breakup. Instead of comparing yourself to others, use this time to focus on building the life you want.
Focus on yourself instead of worrying about what your ex is doing. You may feel curious about who your ex is meeting, what they’re doing, or how they’re feeling about the breakup. Don’t waste any time thinking about them, even for a second! Shift your attention back to your own needs and desires.
- If you catch yourself thinking about your ex, redirect your focus to a hobby or something you care about.
Don’t engage in physical intimacy with your ex after the breakup. You may still long for moments of intimacy with your ex, but this will only intensify the pain. Your brain is wired to form emotional connections during sexual activity, and that bond will be even stronger if you’re with someone you once loved. Avoid meeting your ex alone after the breakup to resist temptation.
- If you must meet, bring a friend along so you’re not alone with them.
Reconnect with yourself
Focus on existing relationships and make new friends. Healthy relationships with friends and family can help you become stronger and more independent. Additionally, they’ll remind you that you don’t need your ex! Spend time with those who are important to you to deepen your bonds. Attend events, clubs, meetups, or local classes to meet new people.
- Stay in touch with friends by chatting or texting every day.
- Go for coffee, have dinner, or play games with friends.
Pursue hobbies you once postponed due to your relationship. While you were with your ex, you may have sacrificed parts of yourself to become their partner. Now that you’re single again, reclaiming those lost interests can help you enjoy your solo time! Think about activities you loved before you met your ex and incorporate them into your routine.
- For example, if you stopped using your gym membership because you didn’t have time, now is the moment to sign up again!
- Another example is if you gave up painting or photography to spend more time with your partner. Now’s the perfect time to bring out your “tools” and dive back into your passion!
Start a new passion to feel happier. Choose a goal you’ve always wanted to achieve or something that excites you. Then, list the steps you can take to begin right away. Dedicate a specific amount of time each day to moving closer to your goal and work through the steps in your list. This will help you stop thinking about your ex and become more independent.
- For example, you might decide to pursue higher education or start a photography career.
Note: While focusing on your passion, remind yourself that you’re building a future that doesn’t rely on romantic relationships.
Try things your ex refused to do with you. Think about the times your ex said “no” to something you wanted to try, like tasting new dishes at a restaurant or visiting a local museum. Now is the time to fulfill those plans. You can invite a friend or go solo to check things off your post-breakup list. Each time you accomplish something, remind yourself that your ex held you back from doing these things.
- For instance, try Indian food at a restaurant your ex didn’t want to visit, make pottery with a group of friends, play volleyball, go on a picnic in the park, visit an observatory, or attend a poetry reading.
Plan your future. Picture your life one, five, and ten years from now, and think about the life you want and what you aim to achieve. Next, list the goals you want to accomplish so you can actively work toward them. This process will help you build the life you love while moving on from your ex.
- For example, you may want to buy a house, build your career, and take a dream vacation.
- Similarly, you might realize you desire a creative life or want to relocate to a different place.
Advice
- Focus on creating new memories with friends to replace the negative feelings related to your ex.
- Avoid rushing into a new relationship. Bringing old emotional baggage into someone else’s life may lead to realizing you don’t truly know the new person or feel deeply connected to them. Instead, work on improving your own emotional state.
Warning
- Don’t waste your energy trying to get back with your ex. The best form of “revenge” is to create a life you love and pursue your own happiness!
- Don’t stay with someone else just to make your ex jealous. This is ineffective and will only hurt you and the other person.
- Ignore all rumors and things related to you and your ex, as they aren’t worth your attention.
