How to Get Revenge on a Narcissist

If you want to take revenge on a narcissist, it's only natural – they are entirely self-absorbed, annoying, and often make sharp personal attacks. How do you teach someone like this a lesson? A narcissist’s mind operates under the belief that no matter the situation, they are always right, and they rarely have enough empathy to understand they’ve hurt you. However, there are several clever ways to defeat their arrogance and defend yourself. Read on for psychological tips on how to get back at a narcissist and show them that they can’t bother you anymore.

No one is more sensitive to criticism than narcissists. They excel at criticizing others, but they can't handle being criticized themselves – even the smallest negative comparison or complaint will sting, as they are desperate to appear flawless in front of others. Criticize them for bad behavior, poor performance at work, or failing to complete a task to shake their fragile ego (it’s even better if done in front of others).

• You don’t need to mock, insult, or ridicule when criticizing a narcissist. Just maintain a polite, neutral tone as you would with anyone else – they’ll still feel uncomfortable.
• The narcissist will likely explode with anger in an attempt to defend themselves. They will try to criticize you back or blame something else to excuse their shortcomings.

Narcissists feel safest when they have control over interactions. They always need recognition and approval; they fear powerful figures because these individuals can grant (or withhold) that recognition. You need to take control of your interactions with a narcissist and be decisive, look them in the eye, and speak in a firm, unwavering tone. People who stand up for themselves will make a narcissist truly uncomfortable.

• You’ll earn more respect from a narcissist when you position yourself above them rather than at the same level.
• To increase your influence, strive to become a leader at work, in a group project, on a sports team, or in a planning committee. Your position of authority will frustrate the narcissist and make them feel threatened.

Narcissists always expect you to do whatever they want, whenever they want. They believe everything revolves around them and will be shocked when someone stands up to them and says “no.” Stay calm and refuse their demands for special treatment. They will try to manipulate you, so stay firm. A narcissist will feel their power diminish when you don’t give in.

• For instance, when they ask you to do a menial task, politely refuse to enhance your own status and set boundaries for what you’re willing to do.
• Refusing doesn’t mean ignoring them. If you don’t fulfill their request but say nothing, they will use this silence to play the victim and criticize your “heartless” behavior.

Narcissists crave attention and will panic when people treat them as invisible. They can’t understand why anyone would ignore or contradict them, as they believe they are perfect. Don’t respond when they call, text, or message directly, and avoid interacting with them or talking to them in public whenever possible. They will feel defeated when they realize they can’t provoke you into reacting whenever they want.

• When you ignore a narcissist, they will try their hardest to get in touch with you. Initially, you might feel satisfaction seeing them flustered, but their messages will grow increasingly harsh and hurtful over time.
• If your goal is to completely cut ties with this narcissist, this is the most effective way.

Shattering a narcissist’s perfect image is a great antidote to their behavior. When they lie or manipulate you in front of others, expose them. Say something like, 'You’ll do anything to appear right.' When they continue lying, point it out again (See? You’re doing it again). They will be embarrassed when others realize that their exaggerated claims and pitiful complaints are nothing but lies.

• Don’t worry about moral standards at this point (the narcissist will use these to attack you). Focus on one thing – no one can defeat the truth.
• The narcissist will say or do anything to try to shame you. Be prepared to hear insults and lies about your character or actions.
• Narcissists often have a charm that can make others doubt what happened. They will use this to 'prove' that you are crazy or unstable.

Narcissists fear direct competition because they always want to be the best. This is partly why they try so hard to put others down – they want everyone else to feel inferior, less skilled, less capable, or less valuable than they are. Don’t let them intimidate you; instead, beat them by excelling in a field they highly value:

• At work, show your worth by achieving accomplishments like selling more products than them, getting promoted ahead of them, or striving to become employee of the month.
• At school, aim to place higher, get chosen as the club president they’re involved in, or develop a strong relationship with the teacher they admire.
• In personal or social life, build connections with more influential people, gain more followers on social media, or create stronger relationships than they have.

You don’t need to do much to make a narcissist frustrated with jealousy. The easiest way is to make them think they’ve caught your attention (which they crave the most), and then ignore them. You can start a conversation with them and then shift your focus to a friend or colleague – the narcissist will desperately seek out the praise and attention once again.

• This works especially well if you’re dating or flirting with a narcissist. Lightly touch someone else’s arm or compliment another person in front of them to provoke their insecurity.
• Narcissists are particularly envious of those who are confident and emotionally intelligent (things they long for but can’t seem to achieve). Show off your social skills and close relationships to make them feel jealous.

A narcissist will do anything if they think it benefits them. You can trick them into doing what you want by flattering them, telling them how amazing they look when doing the task or how no one else could do it as well as they could. They will agree in exchange for the praise and recognition (and they may even convince themselves that the idea was theirs all along). Try phrasing your request with lines like:

• “The boss will be so impressed if you can cover my shift this weekend.”
• “Can you help me decorate for the party? You have an eye for design that no one else has.”

It’s no surprise that narcissists absolutely hate losing. A subtle way to retaliate is to show them that they are not invincible by defeating them in a game, a board game, or any other challenge. Narcissists can’t stand facing the reality that someone is better than them at anything. If necessary, you can discreetly bend the rules to ensure your victory and teach them a lesson.

• Narcissists will make excuses or blame anything to justify their loss. If you end up cheating to win, make sure they don’t find out!
• If you prefer to win fairly without any tricks, challenge them to something you’re confident you can win, like a quiz in your area of expertise or a sport you excel in.

Narcissists tend to harass people they find interesting or useful. To deny them satisfaction, you can act like an utterly boring, dull, and meek person. This tactic is called “the gray rock” – adopting an almost non-reactive attitude to everything they say or do. They will grow frustrated and annoyed when they realize that you have nothing to offer them, and there’s no reason for them to get upset with you.

• Narcissists crave emotional reactions from you or personal information they can use against you. If they can’t get what they want, they’ll leave you alone.
• This is an effective strategy if you can’t get away from the narcissist or reason with them.

Your happiness and success are the most fitting revenge against a narcissist. Being content with yourself is a bitter pill for someone who constantly seeks to control and diminish you. Forgive that narcissist. Even if they face no consequences for hurting you, doing so will help you release the negative emotions they caused and erase their image from your mind.

• Forgiving and forgetting will help you become a bigger person, something a narcissist can never achieve.

Narcissists often intentionally wear you down and destroy your self-esteem. They create emotional and psychological trauma to manipulate you and control your life. These wounds may linger longer than your relationship with the narcissist. Stand up, heal, and grow stronger to prove that they can no longer control you. Focus on self-care activities such as:

• Practicing gratitude for the good things in your life.
• Taking care of your health by getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising.
• Engaging in breathing exercises and meditation to clear your mind and relax your body.
• Relying on friends, family, and your support network to lift you up.
• Seeking therapy or counseling to help you move forward and heal.