Buzz
Being ignored is an uncomfortable feeling, whether it's by a friend, a partner, or a family member. You probably want to do something to get a response, but the best thing to do is often nothing at all. Continue with your daily life while they process their emotions. The good news is they won't ignore you forever! Once things have settled, consider arranging an in-person meeting to discuss the issue and find a solution that works for both of you.
Steps
Give them space
Try to understand why they’re ignoring you. Depending on the situation, the reason might be obvious. For example, if you just had an argument with your wife, you’ll know exactly why she’s giving you the cold shoulder. However, if you haven’t noticed any issues, consider if you might have done something to upset them.
- For instance, you may have shared a private matter about a friend in their absence. What you said might have reached their ears.
- If you excluded someone from your plans or failed to respond to their calls or messages, they may have been hurt by your actions.
Advice: In some cases, you may not have done anything to deserve being ignored. If the person ignoring you is someone you're interested in or have feelings for, the best course of action is to move on. You deserve to be treated better!
Give them time to calm down. Regardless of why they're ignoring you, don’t pursue them, as this is the worst thing you can do. Avoid sending countless messages or calling them repeatedly, or constantly asking why they're ignoring you. Allow them the time to process their emotions or decide if they want to reach out and how.
- A single message or call is enough; don't send multiple texts like “Why are you ignoring me?”, “Did I do something wrong?”, or “Please talk to me!” These messages not only annoy them but also make you appear desperate.
- You may feel the urge to resolve the issue immediately, but you cannot control others, so giving them space is the best option.
Distract yourself with work, study, or hobbies. Trying to understand why someone is ignoring you or obsessing over the fact that they are will drain a lot of your time and energy. This, however, won’t help and will only make you feel worse. Keep going with your daily activities. Focusing on work or studies is a great way to avoid constantly thinking about the issue at hand.
- During your free time, engage in activities you enjoy, whether it’s fishing, baking, playing football, woodworking, writing poetry, swimming, knitting, or coding!
Spend time with others who matter to you. Although you might feel terrible having to distance yourself from someone important to you, they may not be the only person you want to spend time with. Reach out to other friends or family members and invite them to hang out. It’s important to nurture other relationships and create meaningful moments together.
- Taking care of your emotional needs is crucial, especially when you're struggling with a significant relationship.
Reevaluate how you’ve responded to being ignored in the past. If this person has previously given you the cold shoulder and you focused all your attention on getting them to talk to you, they might be trying to make you do the same thing again.
- This is another reason why it’s important to avoid becoming clingy or begging for their attention—they might be ignoring you just to provoke a reaction. Responding this way shows them that ignoring you will get them what they want, even if it's not the healthiest way to address the issue.
Direct Conversation
Reach out to arrange a face-to-face meeting. If you care about the person who is ignoring you and want to resolve the issue, face the problem head-on. Talking in person is far better than texting or calling, as it allows both of you to read each other's facial expressions and assess the sincerity of your words and actions.
- You can call, text, or send a message to arrange the meeting. Try saying, “I know you're upset, and I really want to talk to you about a few things. Can we meet at a café at 10 AM on Saturday?”
- Try to pick a neutral location so neither of you has a “home field” advantage.
Advice: The person might not respond to your request or may decline to meet. If that happens, there’s not much you can do. If you’re open to discussing things with them, let them know that they can reach out when they’re ready.
Ask them directly why they are ignoring you. Now that the person has agreed to talk, bring up the issue directly. Even if you already know why they are ignoring you, it’s important to hear their perspective. You might be surprised by their reasoning or why they felt that ignoring you was the best way to handle things.
Listen carefully to what they say. Avoid being defensive or thinking about how to argue their points while they speak. This can be tough, especially if they’re accusing you or believe you’re in the wrong. Still, try to absorb their words, understand their feelings, and view the issue from their perspective.
- Use body language to show you’re listening by maintaining eye contact and nodding when you understand or agree with what they’re saying.
- Don’t hesitate to ask questions if you need clarification. You can also repeat what they’ve said to make sure you’ve understood their point.
Apologize if you are in the wrong. If you have upset or hurt the person, take responsibility for your actions. Lower your ego to acknowledge your mistake and offer a sincere apology. Prioritizing their feelings can be very effective in repairing the relationship.
- Try saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t invite you to join us for the girls’ outing. I know this must have hurt you.”
Explain your thoughts. Once the person has expressed their feelings and feels heard, this is the moment to share how the conflict has affected you. Use first-person statements to communicate your emotions and let them know how it felt to be ignored by them.
- For instance, you could say, “I felt sad and worried when you refused to talk to me. I value our friendship and want to change things so everything gets better.”
Work together to come up with a resolution (if possible). At this point, you may know whether the relationship can be repaired. In some cases, an apology is enough. In others, it will take time and effort to heal the relationship. Let’s work together to figure out the next steps.
- Both people should contribute their solutions and compromises to find a mutually agreeable outcome.
- It’s easy to promise, but following through is much harder. Make sure you’re truly ready to do whatever it takes to rebuild trust in the relationship, if that’s the issue.
Accept that the relationship may be beyond repair. If the person is ignoring you to manipulate you into doing what they want (or not doing what they don’t want), they are controlling you. This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If you notice friends or family members using this behavior, especially after you’ve discussed the issue with them, it’s probably best to distance yourself from that person.
- Similarly, if you no longer wish to invest time in the relationship, perhaps walking away is the best choice.
