Buzz
In close relationships, sexting can be a form of intimate communication, where partners exchange explicit and provocative messages or images. However, there are times when sexting becomes unwanted or uncomfortable, even from someone you're romantically involved with. What should you do if a partner, friend, colleague, or even a stranger sends you more than you bargained for? Here's how you can address unwanted sexting and regain control of the situation.
Steps
Getting Assistance if You're Underage
Refrain from sending or receiving explicit messages. If you engage in sexting, you could face serious legal consequences, including charges related to child pornography, regardless of whether it occurs via phone or the internet. For more information on the laws in your state, visit the Mobile Media Guard website.
- If you receive explicit messages, keep them private and do not share them with others. Sharing can lead to more complications.
- Don’t let fear prevent you from reaching out to an adult. While receiving sexts doesn’t automatically result in criminal charges, it is a serious matter and should be addressed accordingly.
Think carefully before sending a message. Once you send a text or an image, it's out of your control. You can't prevent the other person from sharing it, posting it online, or saving it permanently. Your texts, social media posts, and online behavior are not private.
- Before you send a message, ask yourself, "Would I be okay with everyone seeing this?"
- If you wouldn't want your parents, friends, family, future employer, or college admissions officer to see it, you probably shouldn't send it.
- Don't let pressure persuade you to send messages, even if you care about the person. Ignore their requests or simply block them.
Delete any inappropriate photos you receive immediately. If you receive explicit photos, delete them right away. In case of a police investigation, they can trace your phone records to confirm you deleted the image as soon as you got it.
- Deleting the image quickly can protect you and anyone else you might show the picture to from legal consequences.
- If you show the image to your teacher or a parent, both of you could face charges related to child pornography. It's always best to tell an adult that you received the picture and deleted it.
Reach out to a trusted adult. If someone is sexting you or pressuring you to send photos or messages, contact a parent, police officer, or another trusted adult. Even if the individual is an adult or a teacher, it's important to report the situation. Involve an adult as soon as possible.
- When you report to an authority figure (e.g. teacher, counselor, police officer), the law may require that the matter is reported to the appropriate authorities.
- You can also get anonymous advice by contacting Lifeline Crisis Chat online or calling the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868. The Kids Help Phone service is available for individuals aged 20 or younger.
Blocking Their Messages
Block the person on your Android device. If you're using an Android phone, there are several ways to block the person. You can block them through the Android messaging app, use a third-party app, or contact your phone carrier.
- To use the Android messaging app, tap and hold the text from the person you want to block. Your phone will ask if you want to "delete the message" or "add to spam." Choose "add to spam" to stop receiving messages.
- You can also download a blocking app from the Google Play Store to manage your texts more effectively.
- If those options don't work, you can call or visit your phone carrier's website to block the number.
Block the person on your iPhone. Your iPhone includes an easy-to-use blocking feature. Head to your contacts and select the person you want to block. Then, tap "Edit" and scroll to the bottom where you'll find the option to "Block this Caller." Choose this option to prevent that person from calling, texting, or FaceTiming you.
- If you want to block someone not saved in your contacts, simply go to the text message from that person. Tap "Details" at the top right, then press the "i" icon. Scroll to the bottom and select "Block this Caller."
- These instructions work on iPhone, iPad, or iPod Touch.
Block text messages on other phones. To block a number on other phones, contact your carrier or visit their website. Let them know you'd like to add numbers to your block list. On the carrier's website, go to "My Account" or "My Preferences" to find the option to block numbers.
- While some phones allow you to block numbers directly from the device, the ability to do so may vary by model.
Block someone on social media. Most social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter offer the option to block other users. This is essential, as the person might still try to reach out via social media even if you've blocked them on your phone. Be aware that the person will know you've blocked them. The block option can typically be found in your privacy settings or help section.
- Blocking a person keeps you from seeing their messages and eliminates the temptation to respond.
- It's up to you whether or not you inform the person that you’ve blocked them.
Confronting the Person
Assess the person's motives. People engage in sexting for various reasons. Some sexting is consensual, while others use it for harassment, blackmail, or to exploit someone. The circumstances surrounding sexting can shift too. For instance, you might have agreed to sext with a partner, but now they’re threatening to share your private photos or texts after a disagreement or breakup. Before reacting, understand the situation.
- Your approach will differ if someone is using sexting as a form of blackmail compared to telling a friend or partner that their messages make you uncomfortable.
Reflect on why the sexting bothers you. It could be because the messages are coming from a friend or someone you don’t view in a romantic way, or because the content feels too intimate for your comfort level. Perhaps the messages are overly explicit for your taste. Whatever the reason, your feelings are legitimate. Whether you find the messages enjoyable, distasteful, or confusing, it’s important to acknowledge your emotions.
- If you dislike receiving them altogether, clearly ask the sender to stop.
- If the messages are too explicit and you’d prefer something more subtle, let them know you would prefer kinder or more discreet language.
- Your emotional response to the messages will help you decide how to address the situation.
Ask the sender to stop sending inappropriate content. The first step in stopping unwanted sexting is to politely request that the person ceases to contact you in this manner. They may not realize that their behavior is upsetting, and many reasonable people will apologize and stop once they are informed. It might be a bit tricky to ask someone, particularly if you like them, like a friend or romantic partner.
- Consider speaking with someone you trust, such as a family member, teacher, or counselor, for guidance in managing the conversation.
- You could also prepare by writing down what you want to say or practicing in front of a mirror.
Decide how to communicate with a romantic partner. Perhaps your partner thinks sexting could spice up your relationship, but you find it uncomfortable. Maybe someone you’re dating is using sexting to try and impress or seduce you, unaware that it’s making you uneasy. You might feel too polite or confused to say anything at first.
- You can directly tell them, "I’m not comfortable with sexting," or "Sexting makes me feel uneasy; I’d prefer you not to send me those messages."
- For a romantic partner, explaining that you believe intimacy should be in person and that sexting feels unnatural and inappropriate may help them understand your feelings.
- Additionally, you could mention that texting is no substitute for meaningful conversations and that you don’t appreciate it as a replacement for real connection.
Seek assistance if you’re facing this issue at work. A co-worker or boss might start sending inappropriate messages or photos after misinterpreting your words or actions. If this happens, there are several ways to handle the situation.
- You can ask the person to stop, explaining that they may have misunderstood your behavior.
- If the problem persists, report it to your company’s HR department, as this could be considered sexual harassment.
Handle receiving a sext from a stranger. If you receive inappropriate messages or images from an unknown sender, block their number or profile immediately.
- It’s best not to engage or respond to the stranger. Don’t inquire who they are or how they obtained your contact information.
- Engaging with the person could encourage them to keep bothering you.
- If someone you dislike has your contact details, just block them—they may be trying to provoke or irritate you with their messages.
Decide how to address a friend. If a friend sends you sexts as a joke or believes it's no big deal, respond when it happens again. Keep it light the first time you ask them to stop.
- You could reply with something like, “Yuck, no thanks!” or “My mom (spouse, kids, etc.) checks my messages, so it’s better if you don’t send me this stuff.”
- If that doesn’t work, speak to them in person or on the phone to explain that sexting makes you uncomfortable and you want it to stop. If necessary, you might have to block them to make it clear.
Do not encourage the other person’s sexting. Have you accidentally given the wrong impression and encouraged sexting? Maybe you sent a revealing picture or said something flirtatious, making it seem like you were open to more. If that’s the case, you need to clarify that you didn’t mean for it to go any further. Going forward, be cautious about sending suggestive photos or engaging in provocative conversations.
- Even if you’ve sexted with this person before, you always have the right to change your mind. Don’t feel guilty for stopping if you no longer want to continue.
- If you’re uncomfortable with this form of communication, be upfront about your preferences from the beginning.
Reaching Out to an Authority Figure
Talk to a parent or trusted adult. If you're feeling unsure about how to deal with the situation or don't know where to turn, reaching out to a parent or trusted adult can be really helpful. Your parent isn’t required to report anything to the authorities, but they can assist you in figuring out your next steps.
- Talking to your parents might be tough, but remember that they care about you and want to help.
- Be honest and don’t hold back any important details.
Involve law enforcement if needed. If the situation doesn’t stop or the person starts harassing, threatening, or stalking you, it may be time to contact local law enforcement. While some individuals will stop when asked, others may persist, and involving the authorities might be necessary.
- Always be truthful when speaking to law enforcement. They need all the facts, including any messages you've responded to and any explicit photos you might have sent.
Consult a victim advocate. If you feel that you are being targeted by someone sending you inappropriate sexts, reach out to a victim advocate for guidance. They can support you in collecting evidence, developing a safety plan, and securing civil protection. You can find a victim advocate in several ways:
- Contact the National Organization for Victim Assistance at 1-800-879-6682, or visit their website.
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Confide in someone you trust about the situation to see if others are experiencing similar messages. There may be a group dynamic at play, allowing you to unite and stop the behavior together.
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Before deleting the messages, take a screenshot to gather evidence. This can be useful for documenting the situation.
Warnings
- If you ever feel threatened in any way, get help immediately.
