Buzz
Strengthen your connection with someone you're interested in
Talking to girls is one thing, but truly understanding them? That requires more than just conversation. It's about creating deeper, more meaningful exchanges, which can help you feel more at ease and form a stronger bond with the girls you speak with, allowing you to connect on a deeper level.
Building a Relationship with Girls
- Begin with casual, small talks.
- Pay attention to her words and maintain eye contact.
- Observe her body language for deeper insights.
- Check if you both share a similar sense of humor.
- Ask questions to get to know her better.
- Spend quality one-on-one time together.
Steps
Engaging in Conversations with Girls
Start with several brief exchanges. It's better to have multiple short conversations than one long one at the start. If you're looking to spark interest and get a girl curious about you, try to talk to her frequently.
- Speak briefly in the hallways between classes. Share a few quick sentences, then wrap it up with, "Talk to you later."
- Make sure to hint that you'll talk again soon. This keeps you on her mind, and creates a sense of mutual thinking about each other.
- Approach her and simply say, "Hey". If she responds, you could ask something like, "What's your name?" or "How's your day been?"
Pay attention when she talks. A great way to encourage a girl to open up is to actively listen to her. Focus on being an attentive listener, and show genuine interest in what she says.
- Don't dominate the conversation. Instead of telling your own story, ask her a question. Maintain eye contact and nod to show you're engaged in the conversation.
- Once she’s finished, summarize what she said and use her name to show you’re really focused on her.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 136 Mytour readers, and 49% agreed that the best way to understand a woman is to listen attentively and patiently to her thoughts and feelings. [Take Poll]
Maintain eye contact. Eye contact is crucial for fostering good communication. If you're looking to connect more deeply with a girl, practice improving your eye contact both when you're speaking and when she is.
- If you feel uneasy keeping eye contact, try practicing. When watching TV, hold the gaze of the characters as long as possible, or focus on a spot near their eyes—like their nose or eyebrow—to get comfortable with it.
Smile to make her feel comfortable. Smiling is a simple yet effective way to help someone feel at ease. If you're nervous, serious, or have strong feelings about this girl, relax both yourself and her by smiling. Make your flirty face a smiling one.
- Even if you're not aiming for a romantic connection, a smile still conveys that you enjoy talking to her and appreciate her company. It can make a big difference in how she perceives your interactions.
Pay attention to her body language. It's crucial to make sure you're not making her uncomfortable by approaching and asking questions. Learn to read a girl's body language to ensure your presence is welcomed. If she's not interested in talking, she may display signs like:
- Arms crossed
- Frowning
- Avoiding eye contact and looking down
- Confused or furrowed brow
- Turning away from you
- Giving very short responses
Stay calm. If you get nervous whenever you talk to a girl, work on staying relaxed in the moment. Be as natural as possible, and try to keep the conversation simple and short.
- Often, the nerves come from worrying about running out of things to say or saying something silly. Don't worry, we'll cover how to handle that next.
Knowing What to Say
Ask questions, don’t just talk about yourself. A lot of people, especially guys, end up talking too much about themselves during conversations. If you're guilty of this when you're feeling nervous, try asking more questions and encourage her to talk about herself instead. This eases the pressure on you and gives you more insight into her.
- Ask thoughtful, but light questions. For example, "What did you think of the chemistry test? Did you feel good about it?" Avoid jumping into deeper, more uncomfortable topics right away.
- Go for open-ended questions. Instead of asking, "How are you today?" which can lead to a simple "Fine" response, ask something more specific like, "How's soccer going this year?" This gives her more room to talk.
EXPERT TIP
John Keegan
Relationship Expert
Relationship Expert
Simple observations can be effective. For example, you could comment on her outfit or mention something interesting about the place where you're having the conversation. These small remarks show you’re genuinely engaged and can keep the dialogue flowing.
Find common ground. If you're aiming to start a conversation and build a connection with a girl, look for shared experiences or interests. This can help build trust and strengthen your bond. Talking about mutual topics makes it clear that she can talk to you about these things in the future.
- If you're in the same class, you always have that to discuss. Talk about how you're doing in the course, the monotonous lectures, or any class-related events. You might even study together.
- It’s likely that you both live in the same area, so you can talk about local events, places to hang out, or things specific to your town.
Get to know her sense of humor. Understanding what makes someone laugh can make conversations much easier. Is she sarcastic, playful, or does she enjoy quirky jokes? Try to get a feel for her comedic style.
- Take a look at her social media pages. What movies does she enjoy? What types of posts make her laugh?
- Be cautious, though. If you're truly trying to get to know her, avoid using cheesy pick-up lines like complimenting her "space pants" or asking if it hurt when she "fell from Heaven". While these lines can be funny, they often come across as shallow. If you want to avoid eye-rolls, steer clear of these types of lines.
Refer back to something she mentioned earlier. After your first few conversations, keeping the momentum going can be challenging. Once you've covered the basics, what do you talk about next? Mastering the art of follow-up is key.
- Inquire about what she's been up to since your last chat. Simple questions like, "How did that test go?" or "What did you do over the weekend?" work great. Even a casual, "Hey, it's been a while. What’s new with you?" can keep the conversation alive.
- If you discussed a movie, band, or something else, do a little research and bring it up again. For example, "I checked out that band you recommended. I love their second album. What's your favorite track?"
Avoid arguing, even for humor’s sake. Picking on someone you like is something kids might do in school, but it’s not an effective way to build a deeper connection. If you want to get to know her better, steer clear of controversial discussions or arguments.
- A common strategy among pick-up artists is to "subtly insult" someone to make them more vulnerable. This approach won’t help you truly connect.
- Eventually, it’s normal to disagree with people you care about. But at first, don’t focus on poking fun at her, or she may feel defensive or uncomfortable.
Don’t follow a script. When you’re nervous, it might seem helpful to have a plan, but using a script will often make the conversation feel forced and awkward. Even if you’re not the smoothest talker, it’s better to speak naturally than to sound robotic and rehearsed.
Build a friendship with her. Once you start talking, aim to develop a genuine friendship. Start by becoming friends with her friends if possible, as it can show her that you’re capable of getting along with the people she cares about, which builds trust. If she doesn’t have close friends, focus solely on her. If you share any classes, try to chat before class starts or after it ends. If her next class is nearby, walk with her and chat along the way.
Share about yourself. Keeping everything about yourself a secret will make you come off as distant or even creepy. If she asks you something, be open and answer her questions, unless they’re overly personal. Just remember, you shouldn’t ask her questions that are too personal either. Here's what to avoid asking or sharing:
- Address
- Phone number
- Zip code
- Financial information
Know which questions you're comfortable answering. These might include your favorite color, sexuality, best friend(s), favorite food, favorite teacher, favorite book, and favorite movie. Be prepared to share these, but only if you feel comfortable doing so.
Be mindful of your actions. Some behaviors can harm your chances of building a connection. Avoid giving gifts on random days, venting without asking, asking to date right after meeting, suggesting visits to your house too soon, or using cheesy pick-up lines to flirt.
Getting to Know Girls More Deeply
Spend quality one-on-one time together. It's hard to connect deeply in a group setting. To strengthen your bond, spend time alone together. Choose a quiet spot like a coffee shop or a peaceful restaurant during the day.
- If you attend school together, finding a secluded spot away from classmates can be a perfect place for a private conversation.
- There's no need to label it as a "date." Doing so might add unnecessary pressure. Just enjoy each other's company and have a meaningful conversation.
Ask deeper questions. As your connection grows, the conversation should move beyond surface-level topics like school, music, and movies. To truly understand her, ask about her perspectives on important issues. Dive into the meaningful stuff.
- Stay informed about global events and current affairs. Discuss her views on recent elections or trending political topics. Find out what matters to her.
- Inquire about her fears and anxieties. What keeps her up at night? What makes her tick as a person?
Discuss future aspirations. What are her dreams for the future? Where does she see herself in ten years? What brings her joy? These are essential questions to explore if you wish to understand her better.
- If you're both in school, talk about your academic ambitions. Is she planning to attend college? What major is she interested in? What are her goals after graduation?
- If you're out of school, discuss where you'd like to be in life. What are your career goals? Where do you want to live? Are you satisfied with your current work? Do you envision a family in your future?
Be open about yourself, too. Your goal isn't to impress her with your achievements. It's to be genuine if you truly want to connect. Conversation should be a two-way street. Share your own thoughts and worries to create a meaningful exchange.
- Be mindful, though. If you only ask questions and never contribute to the conversation, it may feel like an interrogation. Balance the exchange by opening up as well.
- Let her ask questions, but don't wait for her to take the lead. The conversation should be a back-and-forth, where both of you share equally. If she wants to share more, allow her the space to do so.
Get to know her family. Observing how someone interacts with their family can reveal a lot about their personality. Pay attention to how she communicates with her parents and how she interacts with siblings. Understanding family dynamics can give you deeper insight into who she is.
- This might take time, but if you're spending a lot of time together, joining her for a family dinner or hangout can be a natural next step. Wait for her to invite you first—don't push yourself in.
- Meet her family and observe how they respond to you. Understanding her relationship with her parents can be just as enlightening as learning about her directly.
- Feel free to ask her about her family. Some people are eager to talk about their loved ones, while others may be more reserved. Don't worry—just dive into a conversation. Girls appreciate when you engage in interesting discussions!
Join the Conversation...
If you want to connect with a girl you like, start by engaging her in conversation. Asking thought-provoking questions and having meaningful exchanges is a great way to naturally bond. Here are some conversation starters that can help you get to know her better:
- What's your go-to show when you're binge-watching?
- Which songs are on repeat for you right now?
- Where do you feel most at home and happiest in the world?
- Do you have a favorite childhood vacation memory?
- What's the most unusual thing you've ever bought?
- What do you value the most in a friendship?
- What are you currently passionate about?
Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
The most effective way to get to know a girl is simply by talking to her. You can break the ice by asking about her weekend plans or making a comment about the event you're both attending. If she responds and keeps the conversation flowing, that could be a sign that she's interested in connecting with you as well.
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Read Discussion-
Make her laugh.
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Be authentic. Don’t try to act cooler, smarter, or tougher than you really are.
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Invite her out for lunch with her friends and yours to help her feel at ease.
Warnings
- Teasing her lightly is okay, but avoid making fun of her.
- Ask for her phone number in a respectful and kind manner.
