How to Get What You Want

There are many things we desire in life. Some of them can be achieved through our own efforts, while others may require help from others, such as our parents or colleagues. Recognizing what you truly want and learning how to ask for it are key to achieving your goals.

Understand your core values. You need to know what is essential for living the life you dream of. The things you desire should align with those values. If they don’t, you may not achieve what you want or you might lose something crucial in the pursuit of your goals.

• These conflicts may not always be obvious from the start. For example, the goal of starting a business will require a lot of time, and if one of your core values is spending time with your family, this could create a conflict.

Set specific goals. General goals like "make more money" or "get healthier" are good starting points, but you need to get more detailed. Clearly define what success looks like and include measurable signs of progress. This will help you track how well you're doing and determine the next steps toward achieving your goal.

• For example, instead of setting a broad goal like "get healthier", opt for a more specific target like "run 10 km" or "lose 10 kg".

Write down what you want. Jot down the reasons why you desire it. Doing this will make your wishes more tangible and remind you of your aspirations. This can also help you clarify whether those are truly the things you want, or if there might be something else you've been yearning for.

Remind yourself that you deserve what you want. Many people, especially women, often don’t ask for much because they feel undeserving. Reflect on why you might feel this way. Recognizing and understanding your fears can help you realize what steps you need to take to get what you want.

• Don't worry about what others want or worry about their concerns. Your life, your limits, and your desires are not the same as others, and that is perfectly okay. Understanding what you want and its value to you is an important step towards reaching your goal.

Experiment with new things. Sometimes you don’t realize that what you’re dreaming of is right around the corner. Be open to new achievements, jobs, and experiences—anything that can help you expand your perspective and shift your worldview.

• Listen to others' suggestions for new things you could try, like taking a class or exploring nature. You may discover a new hobby or goal that you hadn't considered before.

Overcome your self-doubt. Many people hesitate to pursue their desires because they lack confidence in their own abilities. Recognize and challenge these doubts, and don't let them stand in your way.

Save money. Many things you want, including new items to buy, learning new skills, or even a new job, require money. Calculate the expenses related to what you're trying to achieve and review your spending.

• If you're considering a large purchase or planning something costly, saving a little each month or setting aside funds from each paycheck can help you reach your goal. Moreover, if done regularly, it will help you develop a habit of saving and spending more wisely.
• Don’t just focus on the cost of what you want. You should also take into account what you’ve already spent. If there’s something that’s holding you back and can be cut down, take action immediately.

Create a plan. Once you've identified what you want, set out the steps needed to reach your goal.

• Identify potential obstacles or challenges and come up with ways to address them. This is your opportunity to confront any doubts that cannot be ignored. These barriers might relate to finances, time, your abilities, or assistance from others.
• Create achievable milestones to reach your goal. This helps you stay on track by completing small tasks within a reasonable time frame rather than trying to achieve the big goal all at once. For example, if you want to lose weight, aim to lose 2.5 kg in 2 weeks to start. This is more realistic than attempting drastic dieting to lose 10 kg in the same period.
• Set clear deadlines within your plan. A specific deadline or time frame to achieve what you want can help you stay motivated and focused. It also ensures you stay on the right path toward your goal.
• Stick to your plan. Many people fail because they give up too soon. No success comes without overcoming obstacles, so stay committed to the plan and persevere, even when things don't go exactly as you hope.

Learn to accept failure. Sometimes, you may not get what you were hoping for. Instead of feeling discouraged and giving up, view it as an opportunity to try different methods that might work better.

• For example, if you've saved money to buy something valuable, but by the time you have enough, the item is out of stock, don't be disheartened. Perhaps there's another product or even something better that you could purchase. You could also wait for a new release of that item.

Ask for help. People cannot read your mind, and often, they won’t ask unless you tell them what you need. Most people want to be helpful, especially to friends or family.

• Approach the person directly. Asking for help face-to-face is always better than calling or sending an email. It's harder for people to turn you down in person.
• Provide clear details. When asking for something, be specific about what you need and when you need it. Avoid vague terms like “soon” and give a clear deadline. A specific request also shows that you’ve put considerable thought into what you need and that you’re clear about how they can help you.

Show enthusiasm. This is something you desire, something that excites you. Let the other person know how much it means to you. Enthusiasm is contagious, and people are less likely to refuse when they see your excitement. If they sense your passion for an idea, they may be more willing to help.

Limit their workload. You can’t burden someone with your entire project. This may make them hesitant and unwilling to help. Only ask for simple, understandable tasks, and be sure to emphasize that they don’t have to do much.

• Alternatively, instead of asking them to do the work, you can simply ask for information that will allow you to complete the task yourself. If your goal is to improve your work, the other person can assist by pointing out where to find the programs you need, rather than explaining everything to you.

Offer an exchange. When someone helps you with something, promise to return the favor. It might be as simple as showing appreciation or repaying money if it’s a financial matter.

• For friends or colleagues, repaying them might involve treating them to lunch or helping them with something. In a work environment, you can always offer to help them in return.
• For children, don’t think that you have nothing to offer your parents when asking for something. You can promise to help with household chores or improve your grades in school.

Prepare for rejection. Sometimes, others may decline your request or hesitate. Think about why they might say no and prepare possible responses. Their doubts might be similar to concerns you've already considered and solved, so start from there.

• If you are rejected, don’t be afraid to ask why. If their response is vague or unclear, ask for more details. A question like “What do I need to do?” is a great way to gather more information and find ways to persuade them.
• Avoid sulking or blaming the person. Just because they didn’t help you doesn’t make them a bad person. Reacting like this will only make them less likely to want to assist you in the future.

Say thank you. When someone helps you, it’s important to show gratitude. Be sincere and mention specifically what they did for you. Moreover, expressing thanks is a great way to encourage others to help you in the future.

• A formal thank-you note may also be appropriate, especially in a work environment. Remember that the message should be brief and heartfelt.