Buzz
If someone tells you they need their own space, it's natural to feel sad and fear losing them. However, the only way to maintain the relationship at this point is to honor their request. Take a step back and provide them with the space they need, but make sure to tell them that you are doing this to improve the relationship. While giving them space, try to manage your own emotions, and then find a way to reconnect with them.
Steps
Respect the other person's desire for space
If possible, ask them how much space they need. Try to set a specific time period for being apart, even if it's just for a day before meeting again. Also, ask them exactly what they would like you to do—whether it's limiting communication or avoiding each other in public spaces. This will help you understand their needs and avoid misunderstandings that could harm the relationship.
- You could say: 'I will try to give you the space you need. Can you let me know what kind of space you're looking for?'
- For example, they might want you to stop all contact for a few days, including texting, social media communication, and in-person meetings. Alternatively, they might prefer occasional texting as long as they can have some alone time.
Let them know you're giving them space because you care. One of the difficulties in giving someone space is that they might begin to feel you no longer care for them. This can put you in an uncomfortable position because reaching out could make them feel burdened or upset. To make sure they don't misinterpret your actions, explain that you're taking a step back and will wait until they’re ready to reconnect.
- You could say: 'You truly matter to me. I’ll give you the space you need if that's what you want right now. I hope this helps our relationship grow stronger.'
Stop texting and calling them when you're giving them space. Usually, you'll need to let them have some time alone for a few days, or maybe even a few weeks, depending on the circumstances between you two. During this period, don't call or text them more than what you both agreed on. If you do, you may make them feel that their wishes aren't being respected.
- If possible, ask: 'Would you like me to stop texting and calling until you reach out to me first?'
- Giving someone space doesn't mean just being physically distant. If you're constantly texting, you’re not really giving them space.
Advice: How long you should refrain from texting or calling depends on the situation between you two and what they need.
Don't stalk their social media accounts. It's completely understandable that you'd want to know what they're up to, but constantly checking their social media isn’t healthy for either of you. Doing so will not only increase your anxiety but also make them feel like they are being controlled. Keep a respectful distance and avoid viewing their personal pages.
- Don't like or comment on anything they post online. Also, don’t inquire through others about what they’re doing.
Advice: Avoid posting anything that might hint at them. They might feel hurt if they read it and think you're using social media to reach out to them.
Avoid places where you know they frequently go to prevent running into them. While it's impossible to completely avoid them, especially if you live together or attend the same school, try to stay away from places where you’re likely to encounter them, like their workplace or favorite restaurants. Doing so can help you avoid awkward moments and make them feel at ease.
- For example, if you know they visit a particular coffee shop every day, meeting them there might make them think you’re deliberately seeking them out.
Don’t ask what they’re doing or keep tabs on their activities. When someone requests space, they need time to explore their independence and figure out what they want in the relationship. If you constantly need to know what they’re doing, it means you’re not respecting their need for freedom. Let them do what they want without having to report back.
- You might be tempted to ask questions like, 'Who are you meeting?' But such inquiries will only make them feel that you don’t respect their privacy.
- Don’t impose rules about who they can meet or what they can do during the time you’re apart.
Focus on yourself
Allow yourself to feel all your emotions, but don’t act on them. Being separated from someone you care about is tough. You’ll experience sadness, frustration, confusion, and anxiety. Acknowledge these feelings and express them in healthy ways, such as through journaling or art. However, avoid letting these emotions drive your actions to prevent making the situation worse.
- For instance, you might say to yourself, 'I’m feeling sad because An is my closest friend and I fear losing her.' Acknowledging these feelings helps them pass.
- On the other hand, don’t call An and vent your frustrations or cry to her.
Keep your mind occupied with fun activities and attend social events with friends. Rather than worrying about what they’re doing, spend time doing things that matter to you. Invest time in your friends, your hobbies, and try new experiences to keep yourself busy and distracted.
- For example, you could go watch a movie on Monday, host a game night on Tuesday, paint on Wednesday, play cards on Thursday, and watch a football game on Friday.
Advice: Keeping yourself busy will help prevent you from losing control and calling them. Give them space by enjoying your own life instead.
Keep your mind occupied to stop thinking about them. You may genuinely worry about losing them, but overthinking won't help and will only make you miserable, urging you to contact them sooner. Try to distract yourself by engaging in activities like reading, playing video games, or watching a documentary. These activities will keep your mind from wandering.
- For example, you could read a book during lunchtime to avoid overthinking about them.
Talk to a trusted person to release your emotions. At this point, you might be feeling overwhelmed. It can be comforting to confide in someone reliable. Make sure to let them know whether you just need to vent or are seeking advice.
- You could say: “I’ve got something on my mind, can I vent for a bit? My boyfriend said he needs space, and I’m scared that if this continues, we might break up. I miss him so much.”
Another option: If you don’t want to share your feelings with others, you can pour your heart out into a journal.
Take care of yourself to live your best life. Taking good care of yourself will help you feel better and show others that you can live independently. Remember to eat healthily, exercise regularly, and take a shower every day. Additionally, pamper yourself by enjoying a cup of your favorite coffee, relaxing in a hot bath, or taking a walk outside.
- If you’re in this situation, create a specific schedule to make self-care easier to follow.
Repairing the Relationship
Understand the reasons behind their need for space. Reflect on the events leading up to when they expressed the need for space and what they said when mentioning it. Then, ask yourself what you would change if you could go back and how you could handle things better moving forward.
- For example, maybe there was a previous argument, or they felt you were too clingy.
- If they're open to it, have a conversation to understand why they want space. You could ask: 'Can you help me understand what I did wrong that made you need time alone like this?'
Apologize for past issues. Both of you may have contributed to hurting each other, but you can only control your own actions. So, tell them that you understand what went wrong and sincerely apologize. Then, explain that you’ll do your best to avoid a repeat of the situation.
- You might say: 'I realize I disrespected your need to spend time with friends, and I made you feel controlled. I'm sorry, and I promise I won't interfere with your other relationships moving forward.'
- Or you could say: 'I'm sorry for talking to your ex at the party the other day. I know that hurt you, and I promise to value our relationship more from now on.'
Plan a fun activity for your next meeting. At first, you may both feel a bit awkward, and you might want to discuss your feelings. However, the best way to reconnect emotionally is to do something enjoyable together. Choose an activity that both of you enjoy and invite them to join you.
- Look for an activity that doesn’t require you to dive into deep conversations. For example, you could go bowling, play golf, hike, or attend a concert.
- Pick something you both love to do and remind yourselves of the reasons you came together in the first place.
Ensure both of you have time for yourselves. A healthy relationship allows both people to grow, pursue individual passions, and maintain other healthy relationships. Talk to understand what each of you needs to feel fulfilled in the relationship. Then, make adjustments to your habits so that both of you can live independently and happily.
- In love, maybe each week you both need a few private evenings to pursue personal interests or hang out with friends.
- In friendship, you both need to respect that besides each other, you have other friends and should avoid dating your exes.
- For family relationships, like between siblings, respect each other's personal space, allow time for solitude, and always ask before using each other's things.
Communicate daily through messages, phone calls, or face-to-face conversations. Without communication, no relationship can survive, so it's essential to find ways to stay connected. You could send stickers, check in on their studies or work, or schedule time to chat every evening. You both can discuss and figure out the best communication methods that work for both of you.
- For example, if you live together, you can have more in-person conversations. If you don’t spend much time together, texting multiple times a day might be a solution.
- If they prefer less frequent communication, you should respect that choice as well.
Advice
- Giving each other space is also a way to strengthen your relationship, so don’t worry too much about it.
Warning
- It’s also possible that they may decide they no longer want to continue the relationship. You will likely feel sad, but always remember that things will get better eventually.
