Buzz
Effective strategies for dealing with the aftermath of a workplace fling
Given the amount of time spent with colleagues and the often high-pressure work environment, it’s not surprising that sometimes romantic chemistry can emerge. A casual office party or post-work drinks might turn into a fling with someone you'll see at the office the very next day. The key to moving forward is honesty and clarity between you both to maintain professionalism. If you both decide to explore a relationship beyond the one-night affair, be ready to nurture something real, not just a romance fueled by alcohol and mutual disdain for your manager.
Important Points to Remember
- Have a private conversation with your coworker to discuss what happened. Be transparent about your emotions and intentions moving forward.
- Continue acting as you normally would at work. Keep all interactions with your coworker strictly professional.
- Refrain from sharing details of the incident with other colleagues, as it could lead to gossip.
Guidelines for Moving Forward
Discussing the Situation with Your Coworker
Have an open conversation about what happened. It's important for both of you to understand the situation and clarify each other's future intentions. Be honest and direct to avoid any misunderstandings, like one person expecting something serious when it was just a casual fling. Talking things through in depth, away from the office, will help prevent any awkwardness at work.
- If you're not interested in pursuing a relationship, let them know. If you work closely together, you can say something like, “I don’t want this to affect our professional relationship.” If you don’t interact much, you can be straightforward and say you're not looking to take things further.
- If one of you had to leave early and didn’t get to talk, arrange a quick private chat at work.
- Be respectful during your conversation. Many women and men experience feelings of shame or being used after a one-night stand. Avoid making remarks like "I can't believe we did that" or "I made a big mistake," as these could be misinterpreted.
Make sure to retrieve all personal items. If the encounter happened at your place, make sure your coworker picks up everything they brought. You don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of having to go back to retrieve something the next day. It’s already going to be a tough situation at work, so avoid adding to the discomfort.
- Don’t leave items behind “accidentally.” If you're hoping for this to become something more, playing games with forgotten belongings isn’t the way to go.
Go to work separately. Minimize attention or gossip by not traveling together to the office. Avoid carpooling or taking the same train so that you can arrive at different times and keep the situation low-key.
Navigating Interactions at Work
Keep it to yourselves. What happened between you and your coworker should remain private. Avoid sharing details with anyone, even those you trust. Gossip spreads fast, and telling one person is likely to mean the whole office will know in no time.
- The best way to stop gossip is simply not to discuss it at all.
- This includes social media. Companies often monitor what employees post online, and it will be hard to prevent people from asking questions if your relationship status suddenly changes to ‘In a relationship’ or ‘It’s complicated.’ Wait until your relationship becomes serious before sharing anything online.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1062 Mytour readers about how to handle romantic feelings for a coworker, and only 8% said they’d talk to a trusted friend or mentor. [Take Poll]
Be honest if caught. If your boss finds out about the hookup or confronts you, be truthful. There’s no need to go into all the steamy details, but lying will only create problems and damage trust. Your office rules may allow or disallow such behavior, but it’s better to be upfront.
- Your office’s policies may determine whether this is a major issue.
- If your colleagues have figured it out, don’t lie to them. If your stories don’t match, it will make the situation worse. You’re not obligated to share anything, and you can always remind them it’s private.
Don’t spread the details. Beyond keeping the matter private, avoid discussing any intimate or embarrassing aspects of your coworker. While sharing personal anecdotes might seem fun or liberating, consider how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. Gossiping about your colleague is unprofessional and will damage your working relationship. And trust me, your coworker will eventually find out it was you who shared the details.
Maintain professionalism at work. Although it may feel uncomfortable, try to carry on as if nothing happened. Stick to your usual routine and meetings, and steer any personal chats back to work matters.
- Don’t avoid your coworker either. Trying to ignore them may attract attention and make your job more difficult. Focus on the tasks you’re there to do.
Don’t repeat the mistake. Even if it was a one-time lapse, be cautious about getting a reputation for sleeping around the office. This behavior will make it challenging for others to work with you and may harm your career. Additionally, it will be difficult to be taken seriously by others you might have an interest in at the office.
Building a Relationship
Develop a connection outside of work. It's easy to form a bond through shared work experiences, like collaborating on projects, dealing with difficult bosses, or other aspects of your job. However, if you both want something more, work-related experiences won’t be enough. Look for other activities or interests you can enjoy together outside the office environment.
Tell your boss about the relationship. If the morning-after talk was uncomfortable, this might feel even more awkward. However, it's crucial to disclose your relationship to ensure you don’t run into issues with company policies. The senior-most person or the employee with the longest tenure should be the one to initiate the conversation with management.
Have an exit plan. Let’s face it—most relationships don’t last. With workplace romances, you’ll still need to interact with the person, even after things end. While staying friendly might be possible, it could become too challenging. Make sure you have a plan in place for if things don’t work out. This might involve transferring to another department or even seeking a new job outside the company.
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There’s no avoiding some level of embarrassment. Be patient, stay focused on your work, and the awkwardness will likely fade over time.
Important Considerations
- Exercise extra caution if your professional relationship involves a superior and subordinate dynamic. Personal connections between individuals with unequal power in the workplace can raise concerns or, worse, lead to incidents of power misuse.
- Be mindful that office events like parties and conferences, even if held off-site or outside normal working hours, are still considered part of the work environment. Adjust your actions accordingly.
- Familiarize yourself with your company’s sexual harassment policy. While a one-night fling likely didn’t violate any rules, your behavior in the office afterward could become problematic, depending on how your company defines personal relationships.
