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Do you ever feel like your girlfriend's needs are a bit more demanding than your own? Being in a relationship with someone who requires constant attention can sometimes cause stress or make you feel taken for granted. However, by fostering good communication and finding common ground, you can create a healthier dynamic where both of you feel content.
Steps
Identify what you can tolerate and what you can't.
Let go of small things if you're able to cope with them. Some women with high maintenance tendencies have small habits that you might find a bit annoying but are manageable—for example, she may take a long time to get ready, or be very specific about her coffee preferences. If these are minor inconveniences, it’s probably better to let them slide rather than making an issue out of them.
- That said, if something has been bothering you for a while or it’s a dealbreaker in your relationship, you should definitely address it.
Express your concerns to your girlfriend.
Discuss what’s bothering you before resentment builds up. In healthy partnerships, partners share issues they want to address and collaborate on finding solutions. Your girlfriend can’t know that something she’s doing is bothering you unless you bring it up, so it’s important to talk about it. Choose a calm moment and use “I” statements to communicate your feelings.
- “I enjoy getting you gifts, but sometimes it would feel nice to receive gifts from you as well.”
- “I’d like to talk about us splitting the bill when we dine out. That way, it eases the load on me, and the relationship feels more balanced.”
Establish clear boundaries for yourself.
Boundaries let your girlfriend know what you will and won’t tolerate. If you don’t clearly define your limits, your girlfriend might not realize that you feel taken for granted. Be upfront about what your boundaries are and reinforce them if she crosses them.
- “I enjoy spending time with you, but I also need my own space sometimes. It’s not that I don’t like being with you, it’s just that I need time to unwind.”
- “If you’re upset with me, I need to know why. I can’t keep calling or texting if you’re giving me the silent treatment.”
Question her expectations of you.
If you believe something is unreasonable, discuss it with her. High-maintenance individuals may have high expectations, but it’s not your responsibility to meet those demands if they aren’t feasible for you. If your girlfriend asks you to do something or become someone that you can’t, let her know.
- “I understand you want us to buy a house in the next couple of years, but based on our current budget, that’s not realistic. We either need to reassess our budget or consider renting a bit longer.”
- “I won’t always be able to tell when you're upset. Please let me know when you're feeling down and share what you need from me.”
Put your own needs first.
Sometimes prioritize yourself to avoid neglecting your own well-being. When your partner has higher maintenance needs than you, it’s easy to forget about your own desires. Make sure to carve out time for your own social life and hobbies rather than dedicating all your energy to your partner.
- Not sure how to prioritize yourself? Think about the things that bring you joy and try to make time for them regularly.
- Self-care is another excellent way to put yourself first.
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Start QuizExplore More QuizzesSet shared goals.
Collaborate to set achievable goals that both of you agree on. A partner with high expectations may have their own set of ideal goals, but they might not align with yours. Sit down with your girlfriend and discuss how you can work together to set realistic, mutually beneficial goals. Some goals might include:
- Save $100 from each paycheck
- Purchase a house in the next 5 years
- Get a new car in the next 10 years
Cultivate gratitude together.
Appreciate what you have now to avoid future regrets. When dating someone high maintenance, they may constantly focus on future plans or next steps. Help them embrace the present by living in the moment and showing gratitude. Each day, share at least one thing you're thankful for, and encourage your girlfriend to do the same.
- Consider keeping a gratitude journal to write down all the things you're grateful for.
Have a conversation with a close friend about her expectations.
Seek an outside viewpoint to determine if her expectations are realistic. Being in a relationship with someone who has high demands can sometimes leave you questioning if they are fair. You can turn to a trusted friend to discuss what your girlfriend wants and see if it aligns with what’s reasonable or if her requests need to be moderated.
- It’s important to remember that being “high maintenance” could just mean your girlfriend knows exactly what she wants and when she wants it.
- Historically, the term “high maintenance” has been used as a criticism of women who prioritize their own needs within a relationship.
Consider talking to a relationship counselor if necessary.
A counselor can help you navigate your differences as a couple. If you and your girlfriend find it difficult to resolve your disagreements, seeking professional help could be a good option. During counseling, you’ll be able to address her expectations and why you feel they’re unrealistic, while she can explain her perspective on why her expectations are achievable.
- A relationship counselor can guide you both toward finding a compromise that satisfies both of you.
