Buzz
A thriving friendship is built on mutual effort, where both individuals actively engage in spending time and communicating with each other. However, some friendships become unbalanced, with one person investing more time and energy into the relationship than the other. If you’re struggling to maintain a friendship with someone who shows little interest or only engages under specific conditions, you might be in a one-sided friendship.
Steps
Determining if a Friendship is One-Sided
Observe whether your friend actively listens to you. Listening is a cornerstone of any relationship and requires equal effort from both parties. If you consistently listen to your friend but feel ignored when you need their attention, this indicates one-sided behavior. In healthy friendships, both individuals show genuine interest in each other’s lives.
- For instance, if you’ve had a challenging day, a good friend would listen to your concerns and show empathy. If your friend appears indifferent or too busy to hear about your day, the friendship may be one-sided.
Assess whether your friend maintains consistent behavior towards you. A true friend will be warm, kind, and supportive consistently. However, if their attitude fluctuates—being friendly one day and distant the next—it could indicate a one-sided friendship.
- This inconsistency suggests they don’t prioritize your friendship.
- If this behavior is rare and they’re usually reliable, consider that they might be dealing with personal challenges and need your understanding.
Evaluate if your friend respects you. If your friend frequently belittles you, acts indifferent, or treats you poorly, it’s a sign of a one-sided relationship. Some people keep others around solely to boost their own ego by mistreating them. If this describes your friend, the friendship is likely one-sided.
- For instance, if they exclude you from group photos or activities, it’s a clear indication they don’t value your friendship.
Identify recurring patterns of one-sided behavior. Pay attention to your friend’s actions, not just their words. If they claim to value your friendship but their behavior contradicts this, it’s a sign of a one-sided relationship.
- Do they frequently cancel plans, avoid spending time with you, or fail to follow through on promises? These are red flags.
- Occasional cancellations are normal, but a consistent pattern of disinterest suggests a one-sided friendship.
Notice how your friend treats you around others. If your friend only engages with you privately and ignores you in group settings, they likely don’t see you as part of their inner circle. This behavior is a strong indicator of a one-sided friendship.
- Additionally, if they consistently exclude you from group activities, it’s a clear sign they don’t value your friendship.
Determine if your friend reciprocates emotional support. Friends should support each other equally. If your friend constantly seeks your attention and sympathy but fails to offer the same in return, they may not be a true friend.
- For example, if they rely on you for advice and comfort but are unavailable when you need support, the friendship is likely one-sided.
Seek input from friends or family about the friendship. Discussing the potential imbalance with others can provide valuable insights. Gather opinions from both friends and family to get a well-rounded perspective.
- For instance, if only one person dislikes your friend, it may not indicate a one-sided friendship. However, if multiple people share concerns, it’s worth considering.
Addressing the Friendship with Your Friend
Request a private discussion with your friend. Approach them with a clear intention, such as, “Hey Dan, I’d like to talk about our friendship soon. I’ve been feeling unsure about its health and wanted to discuss some concerns. Can we meet at Starbucks tomorrow afternoon?”
- Ensure they understand the conversation will be serious and focused on the friendship.
Choose a private and comfortable setting for the conversation. Opt for a public yet quiet place like a café, park, or your home after school. Avoid discussing sensitive topics over text or social media. If meeting in person isn’t possible, a phone call is a better alternative.
- Text-based communication can lead to misunderstandings, so face-to-face or voice conversations are preferable.
Express your concerns about the friendship directly but kindly. Be straightforward about the issues you’ve noticed and explain why they matter to you. Emphasize the importance of mutual effort in maintaining a balanced friendship.
- For example, you might say, “Maddie, it upsets me when I ask to join you and your friends for video games, and you often decline. It makes me feel excluded and question if you see me as a friend. Do you think we’re truly friends?”
Request your friend to adjust their behavior. Clearly state that for the friendship to continue, they need to treat you more like a true friend. Provide specific examples of how the relationship feels one-sided and firmly communicate that if no changes are made, you’ll have to end the friendship.
- For example, you could say, “Chris, I value our friendship, but I often feel ignored when you prioritize others over me. I’d like to see more effort and respect from you. If things don’t improve, I’m not sure we can continue being friends.”
Allow your friend to respond. Avoid dominating the conversation and give your friend a chance to share their perspective. They might clarify misunderstandings or explain personal challenges that have affected their behavior.
- Ideally, your friend will apologize and commit to being a better friend moving forward.
Ending a One-Sided Friendship
Terminate the friendship if no changes occur. If your friend continues their problematic behavior even after your discussion, it’s time to end the relationship. Life is too short to waste on toxic individuals who don’t value your time or effort. Focus on nurturing relationships with true friends.
- You might say, “I’ve noticed no improvement in how you treat me, and it feels like I’m the only one putting effort into this friendship. I think it’s best we stop spending time together.”
- If a face-to-face conversation isn’t possible, send a text like, “Hey, I haven’t heard from you much lately. I think it’s best we spend time with different friend groups for now.”
Handle the aftermath of the breakup. If your former friend reacts negatively, they might spread rumors or express anger. Stay composed and avoid engaging in conflict. Focus on spending time with supportive, genuine friends who can provide encouragement.
- Ideally, your friend will accept the breakup gracefully, minimizing any social fallout.
Seek out new friendships to replace the one-sided one. If your social circle is limited to this unbalanced friendship, now is the perfect opportunity to expand it. Focus on forming healthy, reciprocal relationships where both parties are equally committed. True friends should trust each other, enjoy spending time together, and support one another.
- Consider meeting new people at places like school, church, or work. Alternatively, connect with others through your existing friends.
Allow yourself to process your feelings. Ending a friendship can be emotionally challenging, and it’s okay to feel upset. Share your emotions with trusted friends or family members. Don’t hesitate to cry or express anger. You can even release frustration by punching or throwing a soft object like a pillow. Your emotions are valid, and it’s natural to feel hurt.
- If you experience thoughts of self-harm or suicide, seek help immediately. No one should make you feel that way. Contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (US) at 988 for support.
Quiz Pack: We’ve handpicked these quizzes just for you.
1
Are They Your True Friend Quiz
2
Is My Friend Toxic Quiz
3
Am I a Likable Person Quiz
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Always evaluate a person’s actions before labeling them a friend. For instance, if someone frequently gossips about others, they might not be trustworthy and could gossip about you as well.
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If you often find yourself in one-sided friendships, consider expanding your social circle and seeking friends in different environments.
Warnings
- If you frequently end up in one-sided friendships, it might be helpful to consult a mental health professional. They can assist you in building healthier and more balanced relationships.
