How to Handle Bullies

Bullies come in various forms and intensities. Over time, most of us, whether during childhood or as adults, may encounter a few bullies. Recent statistics show that one out of four children is occasionally bullied. In workplaces, at home, in the military, hospitals, and even nursing homes, bullying has become a growing issue for adults as well. We must approach bullies with caution, and above all, their behavior must be stopped.

Avoid reacting to bullying behavior. Don’t let the bully see that you are hurt or that they have successfully affected you; just walk away as if you don't care. Bullies take pleasure in making others feel hurt or uncomfortable, so reacting to them is like encouraging them to continue. They thrive on attention, and if you show distress over their actions, it only fuels their desire to carry on.

• This tactic can be a double-edged sword depending on the bully, so analyze the situation carefully. Some bullies feel empowered by tormenting you and enjoy it more if they see you unaffected by their actions.
• You can’t reason with someone who doesn’t understand. Walk away with dignity, saying you have more important things to do. If this behavior persists, stand up for yourself. And regardless of whether it continues, always stand up for others who are being bullied.

Tap into your inner strength. Everyone possesses an inner power. The issue is that many bullies try to make you believe that you lack this strength, implying you are weak. That is not true. Be cautious of actions meant to belittle you and make you feel powerless.

• Sometimes, we may think that they can strip us of all our worth. Believe that we are stronger than they are, for in the end, you "are" stronger than them and will always be stronger than them.

Avoid the bully. Try to steer clear of them at school or in social situations. If they are on the same path as you, take a different route; if they can’t see you, they can’t bully you. Keep your distance, but don’t make it obvious. If they think you’re afraid, they’ll see it as a victory and become more aggressive.

• Always travel with a friend; there's safety in numbers. Most bullies lose their confidence when their allies aren’t around. They don't want to cause trouble, and if you have friends by your side, the bully will likely back off.

Don’t sacrifice yourself for their amusement in an attempt to show that the bully can’t harm you. This only gives the bully more enjoyment, often leading them to make even crueler remarks to undermine your self-esteem. By doing this, you and your sense of self-worth are reduced to their level.

• There’s nothing funny about bullying, and agreeing with jokes, whether they target you or someone else, only makes the issue worse. These jokes are inappropriate in this context. While they may seem to ease tension, they actually add fuel to the fire.

Retort to the bully with a "what goes around comes around" response. If done in a public setting, this will likely make those around you laugh, embarrassing the bully. This is the bully’s worst nightmare, as it strips them of their perceived superiority over you. Just remember, don’t give them the attention they crave, as that only encourages their behavior.

• Avoid making the bully look foolish if they’ve previously bullied you physically, as this may provoke a confrontation that you can’t win. Instead, walk away from the situation. Report to the authorities if you feel in danger.

Be smarter than the bully. Bullies aren’t known for being particularly clever, and you can use this to your advantage. Here are a few ideas:

• Laugh at everything they say, and the more insulting their words, the bigger your laugh should be. Try to see it as something genuinely funny. This will undoubtedly frustrate the bully because they want you to cry, not laugh.
• Shout loudly at the bully, reciting a quote or something random. You should only do this if they’ve physically harmed you or are bothering you with words. There are many great quotes you can use, such as the opening line of *Truyen Kieu*, forgotten songs, or you can come up with your own ("I want a dollar to buy a fish!"). In this case, randomness is key. The bully may be so taken aback that you either make them laugh or at least escape. If they think you’re crazy, that’s fine too!

Learn martial arts. You can choose from Karate, Kung Fu, Taekwondo, Judo, or similar disciplines. Practicing martial arts boosts confidence, strengthens your body, and equips you with self-defense skills, improving your chances of winning in any confrontation. Bullies often target those they perceive as weaker, so projecting a strong presence may deter them. Martial arts also teach you how to appear as someone not to be easily picked on.

• You don’t need to resemble a warrior. Just be direct and firm, giving off a vibe that says “don’t mess with me.” Being ready to face challenges without having to physically fight is far better than enduring bruises and wishing you knew how to defend yourself.

Be aware and observant. Understand your surroundings, identifying exits, places you frequent, conflict zones, safe areas, and boundaries. Recognize patterns in bullies' behavior, including possible accomplices, since many bullies tend to have followers. Being knowledgeable about your enemy and your environment can be useful when evading, but it’s even more valuable when confronting them head-on.

• Walk with confidence. Walk deliberately, with an attitude that says “you better not touch me.” Keep your head high, eyes forward, scanning your surroundings. Even if it feels unnatural, stay confident and proud. People around you will feel unsettled.

Learn basic self-defense moves. This is crucial if you ever end up in a physical altercation (though hopefully, you won’t). You don’t need to be a black belt; simple tricks can help you defend yourself. Defend with all your might and without hesitation.

• A surprise kick to the groin can cause immense pain and confusion long enough for you to escape. Bullies are not used to being caught off-guard by someone with an advantage.
• If a groin kick doesn’t work, aim for the stomach (just below the ribs) or target the knee to make your opponent kneel.
• If a bully grabs or corners you, this might actually work in your favor. Maintain balance, use your left hand to seize their arm and hit their elbow with your other hand, then use the free hand to push their remaining arm away.
• As soon as you can, run to safety and shout for help.

Be self-aware (and know your strengths). Understand your strengths, weaknesses, and goals. Confidence will help you deal with verbal bullies, as their insults won’t touch you. Verbal bullies thrive on having an audience, and their words are often baseless and fabricated.

• Brush off rumors: tell others the truth and point out that the bully is simply seeking attention. Turn the tables on them. Expose their bullying habits and show how insecure and frustrated they must be to spread false information about someone.
• The insults and the bully’s behavior reflect nothing about you but everything about them. It shows their lack of self-assurance and internal frustration. Once they run out of things to attack you with, they will move on to someone else.

Avoid retaliating with bullying. You definitely don’t want to lower yourself to the level of the bully. It’s important to point out the reasons behind their bullying and highlight flaws in their arguments, but you should never mimic their behavior. Doing so only fuels their actions and makes you as bad as they are.

• By doing so, you’ll also face similar troubles. If things escalate and authorities get involved, no one will know who the true bully is.

Recognize the types of bullying you and others are facing. Bullying comes in many forms; some involve physical harm, others use verbal insults, and some bullies manipulate your emotions. Many bullies combine these tactics. Understanding what kind of bullying is happening helps you see how the bully operates.

• Is the person physically harming you? Aggressive bullies like to punch, kick, and pull hair. They will act without hesitation. You can’t fight back against this type of bully—they will shift the blame to you or scream that you hurt them.
• Is the person verbally abusing you? Verbal bullies use insults, mockery, teasing, etc., as a form of verbal assault.
• Is the person pretending to be friendly, only to humiliate you in front of others later? This is emotional bullying. Other forms include threatening to harm or destroy things you care about, making you the butt of jokes (such as sticking a “kick me” sign on your back), or spreading lies to make others dislike you. Indirect bullies, often referred to as “backstabbers” or gossipers, usually isolate the victim from the group and strike when there’s an opportunity.

Understand that cyberbullying is as real as bullying in person. Cyberbullies attack others through persistent messages, emails, or other electronic means. The best way to handle cyberbullies is to ignore and delete their messages, and block them.

• If this happens to you, it can be treated the same as in-person bullying under the law. Don’t hesitate to talk to your parents, teachers, supervisors, or even the police if necessary. It’s not okay, and you shouldn’t tolerate it.

Report all bullying behaviors to the authorities. Think about reporting to your parents, school counselors, principal, boss, the police, or anyone who can address and punish the bully and protect you. It’s essential to speak up to stop this behavior. You are not weak for doing so—in fact, you’re showing courage by standing up for yourself.

• Don’t worry about retaliation from the bully when you report the incident; they’ve already harmed you, and letting it go won’t solve your problem or anyone else’s who’s being bullied. You can also talk to a friend— a good friend will stand by you, and you’ll do the same for them.
• If there’s a bullying survey at school, sign up. Don’t be shy. You might be asked to speak with someone experienced, and this could bring surprising results. You may feel weak, but in truth, you’re stronger than the bully.

Help others overcome their challenges. Bullies often try to present themselves as being better than others. They seek attention, and perhaps they’ve learned this behavior at home or from their peers. If you strip that away from them, they are left with nothing! Because you've been through the same struggles, you understand how painful it can be, and you know exactly how to support others.

• One of the easiest ways to help someone feel better when they are being bullied is to shift their perspective. Emphasize that the bully is the one who is truly unhappy and frustrated, trying to control their emotions to appear as though they are better. It’s truly sad when you think about it.
• If someone comes to you with a similar issue, offer to accompany them to report the situation. This is a significant moral boost for them. If they don’t have the strength on their own, you can provide them with your own.

Spread the word. Bullying is a serious issue that cannot be brushed aside or dealt with silently. Share your experience and speak up. Encourage your school to host discussions or workshops and bring this issue to the forefront. Let everyone know that bullying happens every day. People only take action when they are made aware of the problem.

• You might think you are alone, or that you don’t know anyone else who is going through the same situation, but that’s only because others are too shy to speak up. If you take the lead, you might be surprised by how many people will stand with you.

Understand what 'bullying' really is. Properly identifying bullying is crucial in order to avoid mislabeling every negative social interaction as bullying, as there are conflicts that aren't bullying and could be signs of a normal, healthy relationship. Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. This behavior typically occurs repeatedly or has the potential to do so over time. Both the bully and the victim may experience serious, long-lasting issues.

Recognize that the bully's actions may not be related to you. The bully may be facing personal issues in their life, which leads them to vent their frustration or anger on something, and unfortunately, that something might be you. Don't assume that you are the cause because it’s very possible that you aren't even the target of their anger.

• Don't let anything the bully says affect you. Their words are not worth your tears! Don't let their insults stop you from reaching your goals! Stand confident, and show the bully they can't influence you.
• Some bullies might be envious of you. They may bully you because you have talents they lack, so be proud of your achievements. Insults are meaningless. The real issue for bullies is their inability to do what you can so easily.
• Schools may not be the best place to resolve bullying issues. You need to provide proof (and most people can't prove emotional bullying). And remember, the bully can always lie or find fake witnesses to support their side. First, talk to your parents, then approach the school administration.
• Stay calm at all times, as this will confuse and frustrate the bully, whose goal is to provoke a negative reaction.
• Think carefully and consider what might make the bully unhappy. They could be unwell, have few friends, or fear something. Reflect on whether any of these apply to you, or if they are jealous of your advantages. Use this knowledge to ease the situation by avoiding sensitive topics when near them, or when you're feeling down, remember all the things you have that they lack.
• If your school isn't addressing the bullying you've reported, persuade your parents to transfer you to a private school or an independent public school that has the authority to expel or suspend the bully.
• If you're being bullied online, capture screenshots of the harassment as evidence, report the bullying, block the person, and courageously inform others that this person is bullying you online.
• You might worry that the bully will get angry if you tell others, but in the long run, it's best to do so. If you let someone walk over you, they will keep doing it!
• Don't let the bully see you cry. If they see you react emotionally, they will only bully you more.
• If they only annoy you without causing harm, don't respond aggressively or try to befriend them. If you shout at them, you might be seen as having a problem, and trying to get close to them could bring a whole new set of issues.
• Never keep this to yourself – it will only make the situation worse.
• If you're not naturally confident, do your best to stand up against the bully. Once you've overcome it once, you'll feel much more confident and ready to face other bullies too.

• If the bully is an adult or someone who is threatening or harming you, their behavior is considered abuse. Tell someone immediately or call the police (113).
• Each bully is different. Some may continue bullying even if you seem indifferent to their opinions of you, so you need to report the issue to your teacher.
• Inform someone in authority (teacher, police, an adult) and keep speaking up until they listen to you. Ignoring the bully is one way to cope, but making sure people hear your voice is even better.
• Many children are taught that bullies won’t cause physical harm if they are just teasing you. This isn’t always true, and the situation can escalate. Be cautious when around a bully, stay in public spaces, or with people in authority when the bully taunts you.
• Again, don’t let their words bother you. Don’t be fooled either. If they try to be kind and seem genuine, give them a chance. But if they appear to be pretending, ignore them.
• Don’t fight the bully.
• Don’t block the bully’s path.