How to Handle Criticism

It's odd, but even though criticism is uncomfortable, it's a key factor that helps us improve in certain areas. Accepting criticism and transforming it into something constructive is a skill. If you're not good at this skill, perhaps you need to practice it more. This will not only enhance your interactions but also help you grow, and you’ll feel more at ease when facing challenges.

Stay calm. It's natural to feel defensive when criticized, but letting yourself get angry and showing your emotions won’t help. Remember, everyone makes mistakes while learning new skills, so criticism is inevitable. If you handle it constructively, you can learn something valuable. Try to stay calm, even if the person criticizing you seems agitated. Don’t get caught up in their emotions, as this will prevent you from handling the criticism properly and hinder your learning.

• Take deep breaths. When being criticized, focusing on your breath can help you stay calm. Try counting to ten in your head while inhaling, hold your breath for five, then exhale slowly.
• Try to smile. A small smile can help you feel more comfortable and may even relax the other person a bit.

Give yourself time to cool down. Before reacting or even thinking about the criticism directed at you, give yourself time to ‘cool off’. Do something relaxing for about 20 minutes, such as listening to your favorite music, reading a book, or taking a walk. Taking some time to calm down after receiving harsh criticism will help you face it with a constructive mindset rather than acting on emotion.

Separate the criticism from other areas of yourself. When you want to accept criticism in a way that is useful to you, it’s important to know how to separate things. Try not to see criticism as a personal attack or as a judgment on your other actions. Consider the criticism for what it is, without adding assumptions or making conclusions about other parts of yourself based on what was said.

• For example, if someone criticizes your painting, it doesn't mean you are a bad artist. While your painting might have flaws that many people dislike, you can still be a great artist.

Consider the motive behind the criticism. Sometimes the purpose of criticism isn't to help but to harm. Before deciding how to respond, take some time to reflect on it. Ask yourself a few questions to understand why they said what they did.

• Are the comments about something you can control? If not, why do you think they said it?
• Does the critic's opinion really matter? Why does it or doesn't it?
• Are you competing with this person? If so, does the criticism reflect that?
• Do you feel bullied? If yes, have you sought help? (If you feel bullied at school or at work, talk to someone who can help, like a teacher or HR representative.)

Talk to someone about what happened. Whether the criticism was based on your performance or came from a place of pettiness, it's important to discuss what happened and your feelings. Wait until the person isn't present and reach out to someone you trust. Share what occurred and how you felt about it. Talking with a friend or a trusted person can help you better understand the criticism and the possible reasons behind it.

Shift your focus. After you've taken steps to stay calm and process the criticism, try to refocus your attention on the more positive aspects of yourself. Focusing too much on the areas that need improvement can make you feel down and helpless. Instead, try making a list of your strengths to rebuild your self-esteem.

• For example, you could list things like “good cook,” “sense of humor,” or “love reading.” Write down all the positive qualities you can think of and review them to remind yourself of your strengths.

Listen to the criticism. When someone criticizes you, it's important to pay attention and show that you're actively listening. Maintain eye contact and occasionally nod to indicate you're engaged. While this may be difficult, it's actually beneficial. If you don't listen, you might not respond appropriately and risk further criticism.

• Even if the feedback or criticism is negative, it's still crucial to listen to what the person has to say. If they are just leaving a message, you can still 'hear' it in your mind.

Paraphrase what they just said. After the person finishes their critique, it’s helpful to restate their feedback to ensure both sides are on the same page. In other words, you should eliminate the possibility of additional criticism stemming from a misunderstanding. You don’t need to repeat their words verbatim; just summarize it briefly.

• For example, imagine you are criticized for submitting incorrect documents, which caused problems for your colleagues. You might say, “I understand that you mentioned I need to be more careful when submitting documents so that my colleagues can do their work more efficiently. Is that correct?”
• If you don’t fully understand the criticism, ask them to clarify or rephrase what you didn’t grasp. You might say, “I’d like to understand this better so I can fix the issue. Could you explain it in another way?”

Respond when you're ready. Some types of criticism may be too harsh or complex to respond to immediately. If possible, wait until you are calm, composed, and have had time to reflect on the feedback before replying. While some situations may require an immediate response, it’s generally better to pause. You can achieve the best outcome by taking your time to decide on a thoughtful reply.

• For example, you might say, “Thank you for your feedback. Let me review the materials and see what can be done. I’ll message you tomorrow to ask about some changes, if that’s okay?”

Apologize for your mistake, if necessary. If the criticism is a result of an error you made or harm you caused, it's crucial to apologize immediately. An apology is different from simply coping with criticism, so don’t assume that apologizing means you have to change or accept everything in the critique.

• In most cases, all you need to say at that moment is, “I’m truly sorry. I didn’t intend for this to happen. I’ll review what we can do to ensure it doesn’t happen again.”

Biết họ đúng ở điểm nào. Khi đã sẵn sàng đáp lại sự phê bình bằng lời nói, bạn hãy bắt đầu bằng việc công nhận phần phê bình nào của họ là đúng. Khi nghe được điều này, người đó sẽ cảm thấy dễ chịu hơn và biết rằng bạn thực sự suy nghĩ về điều họ vừa nói.

• Bạn có thể nói đơn giản, “Anh nói đúng”, và lướt qua. Bạn không cần phải đi vào nhiều chi tiết giải thích tại sao người đó đúng. Chỉ cần bạn công nhận rằng bạn đồng ý với quan điểm của họ cũng giúp người đang chỉ trích cảm thấy những ý kiến của họ đã được lắng nghe.
• Tất nhiên, người chỉ trích có thể hoàn toàn sai. Trong trường hợp này, bạn nên tìm ra một khía cạnh đúng nào đó trong lời nói của họ (“lẽ ra tôi có thể xử lý việc này tốt hơn”) hoặc chỉ cần cảm ơn sự phản hồi của họ, và dừng lại ở đó.

Nói về kế hoạch thay đổi của bạn. Nói với họ rằng bạn dự định làm theo lời khuyên của họ như thế nào hoặc xử lý vấn đề mà họ phê bình ra sao. Điều này sẽ khiến họ yên tâm rằng bạn có quan tâm đến vấn đề đó. Việc tiếp nhận phê bình, hoàn toàn công nhận và phản hồi theo cách như vậy sẽ tạo cho bạn một vẻ chín chắn. Khi bạn nhận ra vấn đề và bắt tay vào hành động để sửa chữa, sau này mọi người sẽ bao dung với bạn hơn nhiều.

• Bạn có thể nói những câu như, “Lần sau tôi sẽ đến gặp anh trước khi nói chuyện với khách hàng để biết chắc chúng ta đồng ý tiếp nhận sự phản hồi như thế nào”.

Đề nghị họ cho lời khuyên. Nếu họ chưa đề nghị cách nào tốt hơn để giải quyết vấn đề, bạn hãy hỏi rằng họ có thể làm khác đi như thế nào. Nếu họ đã đưa ra lời khuyên, bạn vẫn có thể hỏi thêm. Tiếp nhận lời khuyên không những giúp bạn học hỏi mà còn khiến người kia cảm thấy dễ chịu hơn.

• Bám vào những câu hỏi “cái gì” thay vì “tại sao”. Câu hỏi “cái gì” sẽ nhận được thêm những lời khuyên hữu ích, trong khi câu hỏi “tại sao” có thể khiến tình huống xấu hơn và đẩy người kia vào thế phòng thủ. Ví dụ, bạn hãy hỏi những câu như, “Anh nghĩ lần sau tôi nên làm gì?” Đừng hỏi câu, “Tại sao anh lại nói về tôi như vậy?”

Truyền đạt rằng bạn cần sự kiên nhẫn. Đề nghị họ kiên nhẫn nếu những thay đổi đó không phải là điều mà bạn có thể thực hiện ngay tức khắc. Sự thay đổi, nhất là những thay đổi lớn, cần phải có thời gian. Việc đề nghị họ kiên nhẫn sẽ giảm bớt áp lực cho bạn và giúp hai bên hiểu nhau hơn. Khi truyền đạt rằng mình cần thời gian để cố gắng cải thiện, bạn cũng đã cho thấy rằng bạn nghiêm túc tiếp nhận lời phê bình của họ.

See it as an opportunity. The healthiest way to handle criticism is to view it as a chance to reflect on your actions and discover ways to improve. Criticism can be a valuable tool to help you reach the peak of your potential. When you adopt this mindset, accepting criticism becomes easier. You will not only be open to criticism, but you may also find yourself seeking it out.

• Even when someone criticizes you unfairly, it can still highlight areas for improvement. The fact that someone perceives an issue in your work signals that there’s a field where you can improve, even if it’s not exactly the point they’re criticizing.

Distinguish between helpful and unhelpful advice. The key to handling criticism effectively is understanding which feedback is worth considering. Generally, if someone complains without offering constructive suggestions, you should disregard their words. Don’t worry about criticisms on things you cannot change. Some people criticize just to feel better about themselves, and it’s important to recognize such situations. Don’t react to unhelpful criticism. Acknowledging it only gives them more power.

• If the person doesn’t provide any helpful advice, you know their feedback isn’t constructive. For example, comments like, 'Oh, this is awful, the colors are terrible, and the presentation is a mess.' Ask if they have any suggestions to improve. If they remain unsupportive, just ignore them and move on.
• Good criticism is when negative points are paired with positive suggestions. For instance, 'I’m not a fan of the red section, but I love the blue shade on the mountains.' This is constructive feedback, and you should pay attention to it. Maybe next time, you’ll consider their advice.

Think and write down the feedback. Reflect on the advice you've just received. Does it point out something you need to change? Try to come up with alternative solutions that could yield the same result. This will give you a range of options to choose from to find the best path forward. Also, think about whether there's anything more you can learn from the criticism.

• A great idea is to write down the feedback right away, word for word, as soon as you receive it. This prevents your memory from distorting the words and helps you avoid reacting to imaginary criticisms.

Make a plan. Once you've identified which advice is important, you need to create a plan to implement the changes. Having a written plan makes it much easier to follow through and create lasting change. You’re also more likely to take action.

• What steps do you need to take to create change? Write out each action so you can begin working toward your goal.
• Make sure your goals are measurable and within your control. For example, if you receive criticism on an essay, a measurable and attainable goal could be 'start the next essay as soon as it's assigned' or 'get feedback from the teacher before the deadline.' DO NOT set vague goals like 'become a better writer' or 'get a perfect score on the next paper' because such goals are hard to measure and control.

Never give up on your efforts to improve. Be persistent in dealing with criticism. Criticism often guides you in a completely different direction from your usual path or challenges what you thought was right. This means you must work hard to better yourself. You need to anticipate the obstacles you might face while trying to change your behavior.

• Remember, you can agree with some of what the other person says, but continue to stand by what you know. Don’t assume this means you can’t change or feel inadequate because of failure. You’re learning. With determination and persistence, you will eventually reach your goal.

• Avoid adopting a defensive attitude when receiving criticism. This mindset will only worsen the situation. It’s also essential not to cry, deny, or blame others when faced with criticism.

• Don’t let yourself be bullied. If someone continually criticizes you and makes you feel awful, seek help from someone you trust.