How to Handle Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse occurs when something is said, implied, or done with the intent to hurt someone emotionally, and it happens repeatedly over a long period of time. Daily arguments, teasing, insults, or other negative behaviors may still occur in a normal relationship. However, the pattern of actions that cause emotional pain gradually develops into an abusive relationship. You may be in such a relationship if your partner makes you feel inadequate, calls you derogatory names, or makes you feel upset, threatens or intimidates you, or you fear that they will abandon you. If you're in an abusive relationship, it's important to recognize that you cannot change your partner, and it is best to seek help and leave the relationship.

Recognize the signs of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can make you feel small, stripping away your independence and self-worth. Your partner might make you feel isolated, threaten, or control you. While your partner may not use physical power, they will threaten to use violence against you.

• Your partner might try to limit your freedom (preventing you from spending time with certain people or insisting on knowing where you are), ignore you (pretending you don’t exist, blaming you for things that are not your fault), or belittle you by calling you hurtful names, insulting your family or career.
• The pattern of controlling emotional abuse might extend to finances. This may include monitoring your finances, making you pay for everything, hiding money from you, or restricting your spending.
• Emotional abuse may also involve controlling your time, demanding to check your phone and email, and limiting your contact with your family.

Know your rights. You have the right to be treated with respect in a balanced, equal relationship. You have the right to change your mind and/or end a relationship if it no longer serves your best interests. You have the right to express your opinions, even if your partner disagrees. You have the right to receive honest answers to important questions. You have the right to say no to sexual activity with your partner if you don't want to engage in it.

• These are your rights. Don’t allow your partner to convince you otherwise.

Understand that you cannot change your partner. It is not your responsibility to make your partner realize that they are hurting you. An abuser won’t change out of your sympathy; they change by learning to act with compassion.

• You’re not helping your partner by staying in this relationship. You may feel like “I’m the only one who truly understands him” or “she's actually a good person if you get to know her,” but don’t minimize the pain they have caused you. Staying with someone who doesn't respect you is not an act of heroism.

Do not seek revenge. Abusers are excellent manipulators, and they may provoke you to the point where you feel like “exploding,” and then blame you for it. Never retaliate with harsh criticism, insults, or threats. While it might be hard to control your anger, remember that this is a trap, and you could end up being the one who suffers the consequences.

• Never respond with physical force, even if provoked. Try to control your impulses by turning away, taking deep breaths, or ending the discussion.

Understand the long-term risks of an abusive relationship. Abusive relationships can contribute to physical issues such as headaches, arthritis, and body aches, mental health issues such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and the use or abuse of alcohol/tobacco, as well as sexual health issues such as an increased risk of sexually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancies.

Seek help. You should confide in friends and family and ask them for support. Let them know what's going on, and that you need their help to escape the situation. They will be willing to assist you in any way they can.

• You can create a signal so they know you need help, such as a coded message. “I’m making lasagna for dinner” could be a code for “I’m in trouble and need your help.”
• Reach out to your friends, family, neighbors, religious leaders, or anyone who can help.

Know when to say goodbye. Sometimes, relationships simply deteriorate and become beyond repair. For your well-being and mental health, it's important to assess whether the relationship is worth salvaging. Understand that abusers rarely change.

• Don’t hold onto the relationship out of fear of letting go. Remind yourself of all the pain that person has caused you, and remember that ending the relationship is ultimately the healthier choice. Imagining life without this relationship might be difficult, but you deserve to be treated with respect.
• Never allow the abuse to continue or excuse your partner's behavior.

Prioritize your safety first. Keep in mind that abusers rarely change, and their behavior may escalate over time, potentially leading to physical violence. With this in mind, your safety should be your top priority. You may react differently to threats if you're fearful of violence, such as avoiding the situation or not confronting it. While it may be challenging or painful to avoid confrontation, remember that you must prioritize your safety until you're able to take the next step.

• If you're in immediate danger or fear for your safety or health, call emergency services (such as 113) and seek a safe place.
• If you don’t feel safe at home, go to a friend or family member's house, or any place where you can be secure.
• Protect your children. If you have children, ensure their safety. You may consider sending them to a friend’s house for protection.

Always carry your phone with you. You may need it to call for help, contact the police, or deal with an emergency that concerns your safety. Always ensure your phone is fully charged and ready to go.

• Set up speed-dial numbers to call anyone you might need in an emergency, such as friends, family, or the police.

Escape to a safe place. When planning your escape, consider all possible risks. For example, if you're fleeing with children, ensure your partner won’t try to track or harm them. You and your children may even need to seek shelter in different locations if you’re concerned about everyone’s safety. Find a safe place where you’ll be protected from your partner. This could be a friend's house, a parent's or sibling’s home, or a support facility.

• Always proceed with caution when ending an abusive relationship, even if it’s “only” emotional abuse. Seek help in planning your safety by calling the 18001567 Hotline, a joint initiative between the Ministry of Labour, Invalids and Social Affairs and Plan organization to protect women and children from abuse.
• Reach out to friends or family who can assist in your quick escape. They can help you pack your belongings, watch over your children, or act as your getaway support so you can leave quickly.
• Many temporary shelters allow you to bring children and pets along.

Cut off all contact. Once you've successfully escaped from an abusive relationship, you should not allow your partner to re-enter your life in any way. They may try to sweet-talk you, apologize, or claim that things are different now. Remember, this behavior is likely to repeat, even if they promise it won’t happen again. Allow yourself to heal in your own way, without their presence.

• Delete their phone number and remove any contact with them on social media. You may also consider changing your phone number.
• Don’t feel the need to prove to your partner that you’re better off without them. Keep your healing process private and personal.

Take care of yourself. Remind yourself that the abuse you endured is not your fault. No one deserves to be abused in any form. Find ways to bring more happiness into your life. Write in a journal, take walks, and engage in enjoyable activities such as hiking or painting.

Seek professional help. Reach out to a mental health professional who can help you navigate this difficult situation. A therapist can assist you in processing the emotions surrounding the end of the relationship and help you cope with the challenges and emotions you're experiencing.

• To learn more about visiting a therapist, you can refer to other articles in our related section.