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Are you facing coworkers who engage in backstabbing, manipulation, or just outright meanness? Working with such individuals can make your daily work life difficult. However, there are strategies you can use to navigate their behavior. Continue reading to discover how to manage difficult female coworkers and restore a positive atmosphere at work.
This article is based on an interview with Meredith Walters, MBA, a certified career coach. Read the full interview here.
Steps
Don’t take their actions personally.
Understand that their negativity is more about them than about you. It can be perplexing when another woman behaves cruelly or dismissively toward you. However, some women may feel the need to diminish others in order to elevate themselves. Remember, they’re not targeting you specifically—they’re simply trying to climb the social ladder.
- In some cases, women might treat you poorly just because you’re another woman. While it’s unfortunate, they may seek to position themselves as “above” or “superior” to you.
Be especially kind and supportive.
Rise above and avoid escalating the situation. By responding with kindness, you might encourage your coworkers to back off—plus, you’ll come across as more professional and capable. As tempting as it may be, resist the urge to retaliate with meanness, as it could end up harming you.
- Treat your difficult coworkers just like any other colleague. Don’t go out of your way to be overly nice, but avoid being rude or dismissive.
- Showing compassion could provide you with more insight into why your coworker behaves this way. Before reacting, try to consider what might be motivating their actions.
Disregard unkind or negative remarks.
Without a response, your bully loses their power. If a coworker makes a snide comment that you can easily ignore, let it slide. It may be challenging to maintain composure when someone’s being cruel, but remember, their behavior reflects poorly on them, not on you. The less you react, the less enjoyment they’ll get from provoking you.
- Moreover, if you don’t respond with anger, you’ll come across as a more professional and capable team member.
Keep your personal life private.
Don’t provide your mean coworkers with ammunition to use against you. Some underhanded coworkers may take your personal information and twist it to create rumors or undermine you. When you interact with these individuals, keep the conversation strictly professional or discuss neutral topics, like the weather.
- Keep your interactions short and minimize communication with your mean coworkers as much as possible.
Strengthen your relationships with other coworkers.
Having supportive colleagues can make your work environment much more tolerable. Once you've identified the mean coworkers, steer clear of them and connect with the friendlier peers. You don't have to become best friends, but casual chats before work or grabbing a coffee together can make your day more enjoyable and motivate you to return to work.
- Moreover, having allies at work ensures you have people who will support you.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 152 Mytour readers about what they find most effective when dealing with a difficult coworker, and 64% of them said limiting my time with the coworker. [Take Poll] Spending more time with other coworkers can certainly help.
Stay away from gossiping with others.
Talking behind someone’s back often leads to more trouble. While it might be tempting to vent about your mean coworkers, it's best to avoid gossiping at work. Engaging in such behavior can make you seem mean-spirited, which is exactly what you don’t want in your professional environment.
- If you really need to vent, confide in someone outside of your workplace, like your partner or a close friend.
Address their rude behavior directly.
Confronting them immediately can stop things from getting worse. If a coworker disrespects you or belittles you, speak up right away so they know their actions won’t be tolerated. Stay calm but assertive, and don’t back off if they try to push back.
- “I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that. Please treat me with respect.”
- “Is there a reason why you’re excluding me from that meeting?”
- “Why am I being singled out?”
Have a private conversation with your coworker.
A one-on-one discussion might be more effective. If you feel your coworker is open to talking, ask them out for coffee or lunch to discuss what’s been happening. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, and share how their actions make you feel.
- “When you ignore me in meetings, it makes me feel undermined. Is there a reason why you don’t value my input?”
- “I feel disrespected when you talk behind my back. If you have an issue with me, I’d rather you address it directly.”
Maintain a record of incidents.
Having evidence can help if you decide to take further action. If your coworker’s rude or mean behavior persists, start documenting all your interactions. Keep copies of emails, texts, and records of phone calls for future reference. Consider backing up your documentation on a personal computer to ensure you have it when needed.
- If you decide to escalate the issue and involve a supervisor, ask your coworkers to serve as witnesses. Their testimony can verify your claims and support your case.
Take the matter to your boss if necessary.
Consult with your boss or HR if your coworker refuses to change. If you’ve tried talking to the individual and brushing off their comments with no success, it’s time to go to upper management. You have every right to feel safe and comfortable at work, not constantly stressed. Request a private meeting and explain in detail what’s been happening and how it’s affecting you.
- “I’d like to discuss Ashley’s communication style with me. I’ve noticed she frequently speaks to me in a condescending tone, which I find disrespectful. I’ve asked her to adjust, but she’s shown no intention of changing.”
Consider seeking a new job as a last resort.
A new workplace might bring you greater happiness. If you’ve already spoken to management and nothing changes, it may be time to update your resume. Look for a workplace that offers a less stressful environment and focuses more on collaboration rather than competition. You’re more likely to find coworkers who genuinely want to see you succeed.
- If your attempts with HR or your boss haven’t worked, searching for a new job might be your best option.
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Concentrate on what you can control, rather than what you can’t. While you can’t change your coworker’s behavior, you have the power to alter how you respond to it.
Important Notes
- Workplace harassment is a serious offense and could lead to legal consequences for your coworker. If you’re being threatened or harassed, you have the right to report them to local authorities.
