Buzz
Imagine your friend going on about their epic weekend adventures. Your father-in-law bragging about the huge fish he supposedly caught last summer. Your sister claiming her new boyfriend is not only wealthy, but also incredibly charming and impossibly good-looking. It's not uncommon for people to embellish their stories, but some are more prone to it than others. Exaggeration happens for various reasons, ranging from personal desires to insecurities. If you have someone in your life who loves to stretch the truth, here’s how to manage it.
Steps
Managing Your Response
Stay calm and let it go. Understand that their exaggerated tales reveal more about them than about you. People often inflate their stories for different reasons, such as to gain approval, express a hidden desire, or simply to feel more important. By choosing to simply ‘stay calm and let it go,’ you might find that the person’s need to exaggerate is more draining for them than it is for you to hear their stories.
Redirect their attention. They might be dealing with some anxiety or simply trying to fill an uncomfortable silence. Try steering the conversation toward them by asking personal questions or bringing up something you both enjoy to make them feel more comfortable. Here are some conversation starters that might help:
- “What’s your job like?”
- “Didn’t you just start a new job? How’s that going?”
- “I’m looking for a new movie or TV show to watch—any recommendations?”
- “A friend’s visiting next weekend—what should I show them around here?”
- Take a short break, go to the bathroom, and start a fresh conversation when you return.
Step away. Don’t get sucked into the drama their stories create for both you and others. They may crave the attention their exaggerated tales bring, and by reacting to them, you might just be fueling the cycle. By disengaging or simply walking away, you make it less rewarding for them to keep coming to you with these over-the-top tales. Politely excuse yourself and find a conversation that is more enjoyable for you.
Take it lightly. Another way to handle the situation is with humor, but always keep it respectful. You want to avoid making them feel ridiculed, as that could lead to unintentional bullying. Instead, you could add humor by:
- Playfully exaggerating parts of their story.
- Reacting dramatically to their tall tales.
- A light-hearted approach is asking for proof, like saying, “Pictures or it didn’t happen.”
Distance yourself. While this might not always be the best solution, sometimes it’s the only option if their constant exaggerations become unbearable. No matter how hard you try, there are people you just can’t click with. If you find that’s the case, it may be best to give them some space and limit your interactions with them.
Addressing the Issue Head-On
Pay attention to the specifics. Listening to exaggerated tales can sometimes be overwhelming and frustrating, especially if you feel like you're being misled. A good strategy is to focus closely on the details of the story being told. Treat it like you’re a detective probing for clues. Look for specifics, shifts in details, or contradictions in what they’re saying. Here are some advantages to this approach:
- You’ll have something productive to focus on, reducing your frustration during the conversation.
- It could help you gather useful details for a later discussion about their exaggerations.
- It may make them realize you’re paying close attention, which could discourage them from stretching the truth further.
Find shared interests. One way to address the issue head-on is by steering the conversation toward common ground, especially when you're not yet familiar with the person. Find something you both enjoy and shift the focus away from their exaggerated tale to a more grounded discussion. As you continue to talk, you might uncover more shared interests. If you’re unsure, start by talking about a mutual friend or something light like their favorite movies.
Probe the motives behind the exaggeration. If you find yourself struggling to look beyond their exaggerated stories, consider the emotional drivers behind their need to embellish. They may exaggerate to attract attention, seem more exciting, or gain social acceptance. Try challenging the reasons for their exaggeration by showing that you already find them interesting and like them for who they are. It may take several attempts to shift their expectations, but it can be worthwhile.
- Ask them questions about their life that genuinely interest you and express your curiosity.
- Tell them directly, “I think you're an awesome person because...”
Have an honest conversation. Think carefully about your relationship with the person before choosing this route. This approach works best with someone you’re close to, as they are more likely to be open to an honest conversation. If it’s someone you don’t know well, it might be better to control or adjust your reactions instead. If they are someone close to you, discuss how their exaggerated stories make you feel and explore why they might be doing it. You could start with:
- “Hey, can we talk? There’s something bothering me that I’d like to address.”
- “I’ve noticed that your stories have been getting more outlandish lately. What’s going on?”
- “I really like you, but it seems like you're trying to impress people with these wild stories. You don’t need to; you're already great!”
- “I was listening to your story earlier, and some things didn’t quite match up.” Point out any inconsistencies you noticed.
Question them during the conversation. If you suspect that something they're saying isn’t quite true, gently point it out in the moment. Ask for more details or clarify if what they’re saying really happened. Be cautious with this approach, as it can easily lead to defensiveness, especially if you question them in front of others.
Establishing Your Boundaries
Create personal boundaries. If the exaggerations really bother you, consider how much time you spend around the person. If avoiding them entirely isn’t the best option, try limiting your time together or changing the types of activities you do. Here are some strategies:
- Choose activities that leave little room for exaggerations, like going to the movies.
- Set a time limit for how long you'll spend with them, like 15 or 30 minutes.
- Learn to say no if they invite you to hang out alone.
- Try to spend time with them in group settings instead of one-on-one.
Avoid competing. It can be tempting to try to top their stories with your own bigger, more outrageous one. People naturally feel competitive, but resist this urge. By doing so, you’ll only become the very person you’re trying to deal with. Plus, it won’t fix the issue. Instead, use other strategies to work towards a better outcome for both of you.
Show understanding. There’s likely something within them that makes them feel the need to exaggerate in order to feel better about themselves. Try to recognize this and show empathy with gentle remarks of acknowledgment. Your kindness might make them feel more at ease, allowing them to be more authentic. When they finish, offer a response that’s supportive without being deceptive or overly reactive, such as:
- “Wow, I can't believe that happened to you.”
- “That’s such an interesting story.”
- “Really? That’s amazing.”
- “That’s unbelievable!”
Think about your audience. Consider the situation carefully and decide what will be most effective in that conversation and others like it. Everyone exaggerates for different reasons. If it’s someone you wouldn’t expect to tell tall tales, reconsider your perspective—maybe they’re telling the truth. If it’s someone who frequently exaggerates, you might choose to limit your time with them. Alternatively, if it’s a friend who’s just started embellishing their stories, having an honest conversation might help them feel understood and noticed in a meaningful way.
Safeguard Yourself from Deceptive Individuals with This Expert Guide
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Handle Individuals Who Exaggerate
2
Manage a Liar
3
Handle a Compulsive Liar
4
Manage Drama Queens or Kings
5
Handle Bullying, Gossip, and Rumors
6
Recognize When Your Friend Is Lying
Precautions
- Be cautious about assuming someone is exaggerating. While it may sound unbelievable to you, hold off on judgment until you gather more information to avoid offending them, causing embarrassment, or creating unnecessary tension.
