Buzz
Everyone keeps asking when you plan to have children, and it’s starting to annoy you. When relatives bring up this topic, the situation becomes a bit more challenging because you might feel obligated to give them an answer. However, the timing of announcing your plans for having children is entirely up to you and your partner. If you’re not ready yet, try deflecting the question or providing an indirect response. Ultimately, you can always be honest to put an end to the inquiries.
Steps
Deflect the Question
Change the subject when someone brings up the topic of children. Quickly steer the conversation toward a different topic when this question arises. It might seem abrupt, but if you do it consistently, your family will eventually understand that you don’t want to discuss having kids.
- For example, if someone hints at you having children, you could say, "Did you hear that Aunt An just had a grandchild? The baby is absolutely adorable!"
- Alternatively, start a conversation about celebrity pregnancies. Ask what Aunt Thu thinks about whether Miss Pham Huong is really pregnant or just gaining weight. Shifting to a lighter, humorous topic can help you avoid the spotlight.
Exit the conversation when the topic of children comes up. Before your family gets a chance to ask, politely excuse yourself and step away to attend to something else. It’s best to do this as soon as the subject of children is brought up to avoid being questioned about your personal plans.
- For instance, you could say, "Excuse me, I need to step out for a moment."
Politely decline to answer the question. Sometimes, you need to set clear boundaries with your family. Let them know you’re not comfortable discussing the topic and steer the conversation elsewhere.
- You might say, "Thank you for asking, but I’d rather not talk about that right now."
- Alternatively, you could respond, "I appreciate your concern, but we’ll share news about our plans when the time feels right for us."
Agree on a response with your partner beforehand. Plan ahead with your partner about how to handle such questions. This ensures your family doesn’t feel offended if you decline to discuss the topic while your partner shares details with others.
- Generally, it’s best to keep the matter private. If one of you is open to discussing family planning while the other prefers silence, it’s wise to respect the more private approach.
Provide a Direct Answer
Let the person know the question makes you uncomfortable. This approach allows you to express your feelings and helps the other person understand your perspective. By stating that the question makes you uneasy, you can prevent similar topics from arising in the future.
- For example, you could say, "I appreciate your interest, but this is a private matter between us, and the question makes me a bit uncomfortable."
Opt for a vague yet acceptable response when relatives ask. You don’t need to share your innermost thoughts when someone brings up this topic. Prepare a generic answer in advance so you don’t have to think on the spot. Over time, your family will likely stop pressing the issue.
- You could say, "We’ll have kids when we’re ready."
- Alternatively, you might respond, "It’ll probably be a few more years."
Respond by saying you already feel like a family. This approach works well if you’re unsure about when to have children. It shows others that you already feel complete, and they should stop asking when you’ll start a "real" family.
- For example, you could say, "We already feel like a family. We have our jobs, our cats, and we love spending time with the kids in our extended family!"
Tell your relatives you’ll let them know when you’re ready. Your family just wants to be included, and most are eager to welcome a new baby. By saying you’ll share the news later, you’re implying you want them involved—just not right now.
- For instance, you might say, "I know you’re excited to have kids around, but we’re not ready yet. When we decide to have a baby, you’ll be the first to know."
Be Honest
Share your plans with relatives before family gatherings. If you’re worried about being put on the spot during family events, have private conversations beforehand. Explain your plans for having children and address any specific questions they might have before the whole family gets together.
Mention that you’re facing fertility challenges. Sometimes, a straightforward answer is the best way to stop people from asking. Of course, you should only use this response if you’re genuinely experiencing difficulties conceiving and feel comfortable sharing that. Most people will stop asking once you’ve made it clear that you’re dealing with such issues.
- For example, you could say, "We’ve actually been trying, but we’re having trouble conceiving. We’re considering adoption in the next year or two."
Explain that your current circumstances aren’t ideal. Whether you lack the space at home or the financial means to raise a child, politely let others know. This helps them understand that while you might be ready someday, it’s not in your immediate plans.
- For instance, you might say, "I know you’re eager for grandchildren, but we’re not in a position to support another child right now. We’re waiting until we’re more financially stable."
Let them know you want to strengthen your relationship first. Many couples want to ensure their relationship is solid before having children. You can share this with your family to explain why it might take a few more years.
- For example, you could say, "We want to wait a few more years before having kids. We’re focusing on building a strong foundation in our relationship first."
Be honest about not wanting children. If you’ve decided not to have kids, it’s best to be upfront. While this might disappoint them, your family will have more time to come to terms with it if you share your decision early.
- For instance, you might say, "We feel our family is complete as it is. We don’t believe having children is necessary for us to feel fulfilled, so we’ve decided not to have any."
Advice
- Step out of the room to calm down if the comments start to affect you emotionally.
- Be patient. Your family members are simply excited about the idea of welcoming a new baby into the family.
- When they ask, a simple response like "Soon" can suffice.
