How to Handle Stubborn People

Throughout our lives, we inevitably encounter stubborn individuals. Whether they are friends, family, or colleagues, these types of people can create a tense atmosphere. Regardless of the topic of discussion, they will often assert themselves as the 'expert,' eager to show off their knowledge to anyone who will listen. When dealing with such individuals, it's up to us to decide whether to confront them or simply accept them as they are.

Think about whether you really need to confront this behavior. Interacting with stubborn individuals is often unavoidable, so it's important to be wise and avoid being drawn into pointless arguments when facing such people. You don't have to respond to every offensive remark they make. In fact, for your own well-being, it's better to steer clear of confronting stubborn individuals.

• Is this opinion worth your time to debate? Some opinions might annoy you, but arguing won't make a difference. For instance, the science fiction community might never agree on whether Star Wars or Star Trek is superior, and neither side will ever yield to the other. In the end, it's just a matter of personal preference.
• Do you intend to win? If it’s a productive debate, then by all means. However, there are situations where your actions won't change someone's mind, and you might negatively affect yourself (or worse, someone innocent). Your time, energy, and mood are valuable too.
• Does this opinion hurt others? It's good to criticize someone for racism, sexism, bullying, or other harmful behavior or language. But differences in opinion shouldn’t reach that level of conflict.

Have a private conversation with the stubborn person if possible. People tend to become defensive when corrected in public, which can escalate the situation. If it's appropriate and feasible, suggest moving to a private space to talk. Addressing things in front of others will only cause embarrassment and hurt feelings.

• Maintain a respectful tone. Your attitude and tone are crucial if you want to resolve the situation with a stubborn person. Ensure your tone isn't angry or mocking, and keep your speech calm and non-threatening. If the other person gets upset, resist the urge to raise your voice or get provoked by their emotions.
• Stay calm and controlled during communication. The worst approach when dealing with a stubborn person is to act aggressively or try to overpower them. This typically leads to a battle for dominance, where neither side wins. In such situations, no one emerges victorious.

Use the best conversation tactics. You can't expect others to meet higher standards than those you set for yourself. So, when dealing with someone who thinks they know everything, show that you don't know it all and understand that acknowledging flaws is not a sign of weakness.

• Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. Even if you feel the other person is causing the issue, resist the temptation to accuse them. Instead, approach the problem from your own perspective.
  • An example like "I feel that you're not respecting my opinion" sounds better than "You always interrupt me and don't respect me."
• Balance speaking with listening. It's likely that the stubborn person will get angry or frustrated because you're challenging them. When that happens, take a deep breath, try to listen, and avoid talking over them. If necessary, step back before the conversation escalates.
• Practice active listening. If the person becomes defensive and tries to explain their point of view, repeat what they say to demonstrate that you understood correctly.
  • You might say something like, "I hear you saying that you didn't intend to offend me and that I overreacted. However, what you said was actually [racist, thoughtless, hurtful to others], and I don't appreciate that."

Show respect throughout the conversation. Even if the person comes off as a fool, or seems completely clueless about the subject they’re boasting about, always maintain a polite demeanor with genuine trust and emotions.

• Asking questions is also a sign of respect. A stubborn person is less likely to dismiss your opinion if they see you're genuinely trying to understand their point of view.
  • For example, questions like "What can I do to communicate better with you?" or "What do you think we should do to improve our working relationship?"
• Provide real examples. When dealing with a stubborn person, it's important to express how their behavior has hurt others, including yourself. Share specific events and examples that illustrate how collaboration suffers when one person monopolizes the conversation, or how friendships can break down when one voice is disregarded.

Try to stay composed and smile. In some situations – such as when the stubborn person holds a higher status than you – your options may be limited, and your best bet is to make the most of the challenging situation.

• Redirect the conversation away from topics that make you uncomfortable. If you don't want to discuss the topic the person brings up, steer the conversation towards something you're more at ease with. It doesn't have to be your favorite topic, just something that takes the conversation away from sensitive issues. Ask them about their family or hobbies.

Use an escape strategy. If you know you're about to face a stubborn person, plan how to minimize your interaction time with them.

• At work, try to avoid areas where the person is or prepare responses that allow you to excuse yourself from the situation. In family settings, you can plan activities that help you avoid direct conversation with them.

Set healthy boundaries. If the stubborn person insists on discussing topics like religion, politics, money, or any subjects that make you uncomfortable, try to privately tell them that you'd prefer to avoid these topics and don't want to engage in such debates.

• Be firm. If the person continues to bring up such topics, remind them that you don't wish to argue about it. For example: "I'm glad you have learned so much from your faith. However, I believe belief in God is a personal matter, so let's talk about something else."
• Say things like, "I know you don't want to offend me, but that topic makes me uncomfortable. I really don't want to discuss it."
• Or simply shift the topic: "How about we talk about something more fun? Tell me how your new baby is doing!"

Be tactful. If the stubborn person continues to give you advice or tries to teach you how to do things better, simply respond respectfully with phrases like "Thank you for the suggestion" or "I appreciate you pointing that out." If their advice is valid, follow it. Otherwise, just ignore it and do what you believe is best.

• Sometimes, you may notice that you're reacting to the stubborn person. Sometimes, they really know what they're talking about, but still speak in a frustrating or overbearing way. In such cases, you can ignore their advice and just do what's necessary. Don't let anger cloud your judgment.
• Resist passive-aggressive tendencies. Even if you're not openly arguing with the stubborn person, you might still show signs of irritation, like rolling your eyes or muttering under your breath. Such behavior only adds tension between you and the stubborn individual.

Remember that having opinions is normal. Many people are taught not to have or express their own opinions. If this is the case, it can be quite uncomfortable to be around someone who has strong opinions and isn't afraid to express them. Especially when the person likes to argue, without caring whether others want to engage or not. There are several reasons for this:

• Cultural differences: Some cultures downplay the importance of openly discussing sensitive issues, while others believe that not talking about them is impolite.
• Gender-based upbringing: Women are often taught to be quiet and gentle, while men are encouraged to be open and straightforward. A girl who speaks her mind may be seen as too bold, while a man doing the same thing may be praised.
• Family upbringing: In some families, children are encouraged to express their opinions, but in others, their voices are ignored. Birth order can also create differences.
• Personality differences: Some people are naturally blunt and like to assess, while others prefer harmony and openness, avoiding harsh criticisms. No personality type is better than another. Someone suited for a judge's role might not be the best fit for a prime minister's position.

Remember that everyone has the right to their own opinions. People are bound to have different perspectives on various issues, and sometimes that can be hard for certain individuals to accept. It might seem wrong to some, but there are a few key things to keep in mind:

• Having a different opinion doesn't make that person inferior to you. An opinion is just one part of who they are. Someone might agree with you, but that doesn’t make them better than someone with a different perspective.
• Listening doesn’t mean agreeing. Simply hearing someone out doesn’t imply that you agree with their point of view. It’s just about understanding where they’re coming from.
• You don’t have to engage in every argument people pull you into. Some individuals thrive on debate, but it can be draining. Plus, you won’t always win. Sometimes it’s perfectly fine to let a debate pass, especially if there’s nothing to gain or lose from it.

Understand that stubborn people may not realize the impact of their actions. In many cases, stubborn individuals don't act aggressively on purpose. They might be wondering why others avoid them. Showing empathy instead of judgment can help them gain more clarity about their own behavior.

Make an effort to understand the person on a deeper level. If you truly don’t like someone, it may be difficult to get to know them better. But even so, try to view them as a person with a family, friends, and their own life. The more you understand them as a person, the easier it will be to feel sympathy for them.

See stubborn people as a potential resource. Stubborn individuals often have valuable insights to offer, and you can use their knowledge to your advantage.

• For example, a stubborn person might know something about the office system that could help you, information that others wouldn’t share. In a family setting, they may have stories to tell that others avoid out of politeness. You might be surprised by what you learn.

Find common ground. Even if you find someone difficult to tolerate, it’s likely you share some common interests with them. If discussing politics isn’t your thing, try talking about music. Or if sports aren’t your topic of choice, you could talk about family and parenting. Focus on the areas where you both have mutual interests and connect through that.