Buzz
Regardless of the situation—whether a friend has moved away, a relationship has ended, or you've lost a loved one—the absence of someone close to you can be deeply painful. While the sensation of missing them might never fully fade, there are ways to manage that grief. Start by recognizing your emotions and meeting your emotional needs. Then, find healthy distractions that can help shift your focus. If possible, bridge the gap by staying connected with the person you long for.
Steps
Confronting Your Emotions
Mourn their absence. The initial step is to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to grieve. Suppressing your emotions will only cause more harm, so let them out. Everyone processes grief differently, so do what feels right for you.
- Set aside a specific period (for example, a few days) to go through old letters or photos, listen to melancholic music, or simply cry while cuddling a soft toy. Once this time of mourning is over, commit to re-engaging with your routine and life.
- Understand that the pain you're feeling reflects the significance of that person in your life. It's okay to feel that hurt.
- Keep in mind that grief isn't just a mental experience; it's also physical. It’s perfectly normal if you're eating less, struggling to sleep, or finding it hard to engage in your usual activities or socialize.
Talk to someone you trust. Sharing your feelings with others can be a powerful way to release them and gain the support you need. Reach out to close friends or family and let them know what you're going through.
- You might say, “I’ve been feeling so down since Randy moved away. I really need someone to talk to.”
- If you know what might lift your spirits, don’t hesitate to make a request. For example, you might say, “Can we watch some funny rom-coms tomorrow night in honor of Jessica?”
Jot down your feelings. Express your emotions by writing them down. Whether you keep a journal or not, putting your thoughts on paper can be a great release. If you don’t usually journal, simply grab a piece of paper or open your phone’s notes app.
- You might also choose to write directly to the person you miss. If they’re reachable, you can send it to them, or you can store it and revisit it when the grief resurfaces.
Cherish the good memories. When someone is absent, you may find yourself dwelling on the reasons behind their absence, whether it’s the day they left or the day they passed. Instead of focusing on the sorrow, focus on the joyful moments you shared.
- Think about the fun times you had with this person. You can record these memories in your journal or share them with someone else who understands.
- Consider creating a ritual that helps you honor the person you're missing whenever feelings of grief arise.
Consider speaking with a therapist for additional support. Missing someone often brings up a mix of emotions such as sadness or regret. If you find it hard to accept their absence or if it’s interfering with your daily life, reaching out to a counselor may help.
- Everyone processes emotions differently, and it may take time—anywhere from weeks to years—to fully work through your grief. However, if your everyday life is being affected, seeking professional help is crucial.
- A counselor will listen and help you navigate through your emotions. They can also provide you with strategies to cope, such as ways to honor the memory of someone who has passed.
Finding Distractions
Establish a routine in your daily life. Although you may feel like withdrawing from the world or ignoring your obligations, sticking to a routine can help you navigate through emotional turbulence. A structured day gives you specific tasks to complete, no matter how you're feeling. It keeps you engaged and occupied, making your days feel more balanced and “normal” again.
Engage socially. While you can never replace the person you miss, others can help guide you toward healing. Make a conscious effort to form new connections and strengthen existing ones. Seek relationships with those who uplift and support you.
- Consider joining a club, group, or a local Meetup to meet new people.
- Deepen your friendships by inviting them to hang out more frequently or starting a new tradition, like a Sunday brunch or a weekly movie night.
Challenge yourself to learn something new. Fill your time by expanding your knowledge. If you're a student, immerse yourself in academics. If not, explore a subject you've always been curious about by reading books or watching videos. You might even consider taking a class to pick up a new skill.
- If you're in school, focus on improving your math or English skills. Or, try learning a new language, mastering French cuisine, or picking up guitar lessons.
Discover a hobby. Is there an activity that always brings you joy and lifts your mood? If so, make it a priority by dedicating more time to it. Hobbies are not only a great way to develop new skills, but they also provide a constructive way to spend your time. Plus, they’re sure to brighten your day, even if just for a while.
- If you enjoy nature, plan a hike on a new trail. Other hobbies could include photography, knitting, painting, collecting, baking, gardening, or gaming.
Get moving. Exercise is an excellent way to take your mind off things. It also triggers the release of endorphins—feel-good chemicals in the body that can help elevate your mood.
- Go for a jog, take a bike ride, or swim. Alternatively, join a friend for a fitness class like Zumba or Pilates.
- Aim to get at least 30 minutes of physical activity most days of the week.
Avoid harmful distractions. Turning to alcohol or drugs might seem like an easy way to block out the pain of missing someone, but these are destructive and harmful behaviors. It's best to steer clear of using substances to numb your emotions.
- Instead, seek support from others or channel your energy into a meaningful project that helps you heal.
Staying Connected
Reach out regularly. If you're able to contact the person, maintain your connection through technology. You can text, make phone calls, or video chat to stay in touch.
- Set a regular time to check in, like every Thursday at 6pm. Use this opportunity to catch up on each other's lives and share updates.
Follow them on social media. By following or friending the person on social media, you can keep a sense of connection despite the distance. You can read their updates, see their photos, and message them directly.
- Social media makes it easy to stay in touch across long distances. As long as they update their feed, you'll always be in the loop.
Engage in activities together remotely. Whether they're a friend, family member, or romantic partner, you can still enjoy quality time together even from afar. Play games online, do Pinterest crafts together, or watch the same movie or TV show.
- All you need is an internet connection and you can do activities in real-time via Skype or Hangouts video calls.
- You could also “meet” in virtual reality spaces. For example, a game like Rec Room (for Playstation 4) allows you to participate in activities with someone, no matter the distance.
Plan a visit. There's truly no substitute for being with your friend or partner face-to-face. If it's possible for you, organize a trip to visit them. That way, you'll have the opportunity to hug them and witness firsthand how much they may have changed since you last saw each other.
Do something meaningful in their memory. If your loved one has passed, one way to keep their spirit alive is by starting or supporting a cause or event in their name. For example, you might participate in a charity run and dedicate your effort to honoring them.
- If your friend had a passion for literature, perhaps you could help fund an English scholarship in their name. Or if they died in a car crash, you could advocate for the street to be renamed in their honor or push for improved safety measures, such as better road signs.
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Don't form friendships with people you know you won't see again. This simple rule can save you a great deal of emotional pain later on.
