Buzz
Relationships are full of ups and downs. Perhaps you and your boyfriend are currently in conflict. He might have become emotionally distant. If discussions aren't leading to any resolution, it might be time to adopt a new approach. At times, you may need to take a step back from your partner, or even intentionally give him some space.
Steps
Evaluating the Situation
Analyze the issue. Try to pinpoint when your boyfriend’s behavior started to bother you. Reflect on how your actions may have contributed to the problem.
- Did his mood change around a stressful period at school or work, or has he been acting distant for some time? His behavior might not be about his feelings for you, but rather his emotional reaction to outside stressors.
- Are your expectations unrealistic? Do you overwhelm him with constant texts? Are you always checking in on him? Or have you been patient, calm, and trusting? Is the relationship effort being made solely by you?
Examine your emotions. Reflect on why you feel the need to ignore your boyfriend. Are you arguing? Is he not communicating with you? Think about why his actions, or lack thereof, are bothering you. Are you the only one making an effort in the relationship? It's okay to feel upset, hurt, frustrated, or neglected.
- Write down your thoughts in a journal to gain clarity.
- Discuss your emotions with someone you trust. Have a conversation over coffee with your best friend.
Talk to your boyfriend. Have an honest conversation with him about your feelings and concerns. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. Let him share his perspective without interrupting him. If he remains emotionally distant or dismisses your concerns, conclude the conversation and take appropriate action.
- Own your feelings. Use "I" statements like "I feel ignored," "I'm worried about our relationship," or "It hurts when you prefer hanging out with your friends over spending time with me."
- Avoid "you" statements, as they focus on blaming him. Examples include "You are ignoring me," "You don't care about our relationship," or "You never want to be with me."
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Take the QuizExplore More QuizzesRearranging Your Time
Give yourself some space. Don't spend all your free time with your boyfriend! Deliberately create time apart from your partner. Reduce the amount of time you spend together. It could make him miss you more!
- Find something to do. If you live together, don't make him the focus of your attention. Pick up a book, go for a jog, cook, clean, or do anything that doesn’t revolve around him.
- Avoid spending every night at his place. Try spending a few nights on your own. This gives him a chance to realize that he might miss you when you're not around.
- Later, we'll discuss cutting back on your communication with him.
PROFESSIONAL ADVICE
John Keegan
Relationship Expert
Relationship Expert
Our Expert’s Advice: If you feel you need some space from your boyfriend, focus on your personal life. Spend quality time with your friends, catch a movie, go for a walk, or indulge in any activity you enjoy.
Commit yourself to your career or a new interest. With the extra time you now have, dedicate it to your job or pick up a new hobby. Filling your schedule with fresh activities and setting new professional goals will make it easier to spend intentional time apart from your boyfriend.
- Shift your focus to achieving success at work. Take on new projects or accept additional responsibilities.
- Channel your free time into scrapbooking, joining a new club, or participating in a sport. Finding new activities that let you meet others is a great way to stay occupied!
- Stay active! Try joining a gym or exploring a new hiking trail.
- Spend time outdoors. Visit the beach or relax in a park with a good book!
Hang out with friends and family. Instead of staying home alone, go out with your friends or visit family. Enjoy a fun night out with your closest friends! Plan a family trip. Fill your social calendar with exciting hangouts, spontaneous activities, and relaxing get-togethers. Reconnecting with friends and family will help you ignore your boyfriend more easily.
- Take a trip to the local art museum with a friend.
- Invite a family member over for dinner.
- Host a themed party.
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Reader Poll: We surveyed 528 Mytour readers about what motivates them the most, and only 7% said Prioritizing social connections with friends and family. [Take Poll]
- If your relationships with friends and family have taken a backseat, now is the ideal time to reconnect.
Changing Your Body Language
Offer him your cheek. When out with your boyfriend in public, avoid displaying affection. Treat him as you would a close friend. If he tries to kiss you, turn your cheek to him. When he reaches for your hand, casually tuck it in your pocket.
- Avoid teasing him by initiating public displays of affection. Resist the temptation to rub his back or lean your head on his shoulder.
Keep your distance. Increase the physical space between you and your boyfriend. Don't sit too close to him on the couch, leave some space, or choose a separate chair. Create distance when sleeping at night.
- Don't spoon with him in bed!
- If you're in the same class, choose a different row to sit in.
- By physically separating yourself, it becomes easier to avoid his attempts at closeness (and helps prevent you from initiating contact as well)!
Avoid making eye contact. When you encounter your boyfriend in public, avoid looking him in the eye. Glance at something in the distance, look up, look down—just don’t make eye contact with him!
- Don't turn your back on him entirely; keep him in your peripheral vision and watch him from the side of your eye.
Cutting Back on Your Communication
Stop reaching out. Resist the urge to call or text your boyfriend. Let him be the one to initiate contact with you for once. If you feel the urge to reach out, call a friend instead. Plan a night out with your friend, whether it's to catch a movie or grab dinner.
- Only contact your boyfriend when absolutely necessary!
- Take a break from social media too. If chatting with him online is too tempting, consider taking a short break from social platforms or even blocking him temporarily.
Ignore his calls and messages. When your boyfriend tries to reach you, simply ignore him! Let his calls go to voicemail and allow your inbox to fill up with unread messages. Make him wait for your reply!
- Fight the temptation to constantly check your phone. Leave it in another room, turn it off, or mute it.
- If necessary, hand your phone to a friend or family member.
- Don’t engage with him on social media either! Avoid responding to his messages or reacting to his posts. You can even block him for a little while if you need to.
Keep your replies short. When speaking with your boyfriend, keep your responses to the point. Answer his questions briefly and avoid offering any extra details. Don't inquire about his day or weekend plans. Appear disinterested and distant.
- Respond with simple gestures like head nods or shrugs.
- Use short replies, such as “Yes,” “No,” “Okay,” and “Fine.”
