How to Help a Friend Deal with Rejection

Rejection is a common human experience, yet its sting can be surprisingly intense. If your friend is going through rejection, you can support them by actively listening and helping them see rejection for what it truly is. For many, rejection can lead to depression; recognizing the signs of clinical depression can help you better assist your friend in coping.

Don't offer feedback unless they ask for it. If your friend has just experienced rejection, they may not want to hear suggestions on how they could improve for future opportunities. While certain actions or words may have contributed to their rejection, or even their unemployment or relationship struggles, unsolicited advice is unlikely to help them at this moment.

• For example, this is not the time to remind them that they’ve spent a lot of time complaining about a job they just lost or a relationship that ended.
• Rejection hurts regardless of the situation, so being a good listener is the most effective way to help your friend cope with this initial pain.
• If they express confusion about what went wrong and ask for help understanding the cause, you can offer gentle suggestions.

Help your friend reframe rejection. Avoid rushing into a conversation about the "growth opportunities" associated with rejection, but do assist your friend in finding ways to use this experience to their advantage. Every situation has positive aspects, and sometimes it takes a friend to help uncover them.

• For instance, if they didn’t get the job they wanted, now they have the time to take that long-awaited vacation with family.
• Being single offers greater freedom, and if a publisher rejects your work, you have the chance to submit it elsewhere.

Reflect on your friend's emotions. One way to support them is by helping them process the pain. Ask how they’re feeling and reassure them that their emotions are entirely valid. When your friend knows they can share their struggles with you without judgment, they’ll feel more at ease.

• Say something like, "It sounds like everything’s really overwhelming for you right now," to help them feel supported.

Be ready to sit in silence. If your friend is deeply hurt by rejection, they may not be able to articulate their feelings. They might just want to sit quietly with you. Simply being there, showing you're available to listen when they’re ready to talk, is enough.

• You can offer a comforting hug or a gentle touch to show your support.
• Talking about something else, or doing an activity together, can also help when they aren’t ready to share their feelings yet. For example, you could go for a walk or play a game together.

Acknowledge their effort. Rejection is a byproduct of trying something new and brave. Even if the outcome isn’t as hoped – the person they liked stops calling, they didn’t get the role in the play, or they didn’t get promoted – the effort they put into pursuing what they wanted is worth recognizing.

• It can be helpful to remind them that rejection is common. For instance, authors often cover their walls with rejection letters because they are so frequent. Even well-known authors receive hundreds of rejection letters before their work is published.
• If it’s something with a lower chance of rejection – like applying for a job – you can remind them that they can try again if they’re turned down this time.

Let the person know that rejection is a normal part of life. Everyone experiences rejection continuously throughout their life. Whether it’s joining a sports team, applying to a university, striving for a dream job, or asking someone out, these are all chances for rejection.

• Even though rejection might feel personal at times, it's often just a matter of timing.
• No matter how smart, funny, or talented you are, rejection is inevitable. If you can, seek out someone successful and learn how many times they've faced rejection.

Consider sharing your own experiences with rejection. Letting the person know that they are not alone in facing rejection can be very helpful. By sharing your own experiences—whether it’s a job you lost, a rejection letter you received, or a failed relationship—you can help your friend feel less isolated and more understood.

• At the same time, keep in mind that their experience might be different from yours. Avoid talking too much about yourself or implying that you fully understand how they feel.
• Never say "You will..." or "You should..." to encourage them. While these phrases might sound supportive to you, the person dealing with rejection may misinterpret them.
• Instead, share how you overcame a similar rejection, and explain that everyone copes differently with setbacks.

Talk about the person’s positive qualities. Even if your friend needs to improve on some aspects, they surely possess many wonderful traits. Remind them of what others appreciate about them. Offer specific examples they can't deny.

• For instance, pointing out their great sense of humor after they joke about their situation can help them recognize the sincerity of your words.
• Avoid overpraising or saying things you don’t truly believe. The person will sense your insincerity.

Don’t encourage your friend to keep hoping unnecessarily. Accepting rejection will help them move forward in life. If you're helping them cope with rejection, you should look at it from its true perspective.

• No one can predict the future. Perhaps the person who was hired for a job will decline, and your friend could be the next candidate. Or their ex might change their mind. However, holding on to hope for a dramatic twist is neither helpful nor realistic.
• You don’t need to emphasize that they won’t get the job, or that their ex won’t change their mind. Just stay silent; your friend will understand the message you’re conveying.

Help your friend understand that rejection is not personal. Rejection is a universal experience: some people will like us, others won’t, and we can't control it. Not everyone we love will love us back, and we won’t always get the job we desire.

• Encourage them to focus on the people who do respond to their feelings positively.
• Remind them that every action they’ve recently taken has brought attention and praise their way.

Find ways to boost their spirits. What activities did they enjoy before facing rejection? Seek out activities that can reignite their excitement. Spend time with them by hiking, watching sports, or going to the movies together.

• If rejection has caused a loss of income, they might be facing financial constraints. Be mindful to choose activities that don't require spending money, as this may only make them feel worse.
• Avoid doing things that might trigger memories of the rejection.

Look for any significant changes in behavior. Some signs of depression include getting angry over minor issues, feeling persistently sad or irritable, and experiencing changes in sleep patterns, such as excessive sleeping or insomnia.

• Your friend may appear to be a completely different person, even after a period where they should have fully “recovered” from rejection.
• You may notice them losing interest in activities they once loved.

Be aware of an increase in thoughts of death. If the person starts talking about death or leaving life behind, listen carefully. Phrases like “Maybe I should just give up on life” or “Why don’t I end it all and relieve everyone’s suffering?” could be signs of suicidal thoughts, even if said casually.

• If you believe the person is at risk of harming themselves (or others), you should speak to them directly about it. Ask them, “Are you planning to harm yourself?” They may deny it, but they will be grateful for the opportunity to open up.
• If you sense your friend is in danger or in crisis, you should call 112 for emergency support.
• Encourage them to seek help. If the person is suffering from clinical depression, they won’t recover without treatment. Talk to them about everything you’ve observed and explain why you’re concerned for them.
• Let them know you’re willing to help them make an appointment or attend a support group.
• Remember, you cannot force them to seek help. If they’re not ready for treatment, let them know you’ll always be there when they’re ready to get help.

Pay attention to warning signs of suicide. These warning signs are often only recognized in hindsight, but they are very common. If your friend is struggling with unmanageable depression after facing rejection, they could be at risk of suicide. When you notice significant increases in any of the following signs, it’s crucial to reach out to a professional or healthcare provider immediately. In case of an emergency, you can call 112. Some warning signs include:

• Seeking methods to commit suicide, such as stockpiling medication (for overdose) or keeping sharp objects.
• Increased use of drugs or alcohol.
• Giving away personal belongings or tying up loose ends without any clear reason.
• Saying goodbye to people as if they won’t be seeing them again.
• Engaging in dangerous or self-destructive behavior.
• Significant changes in mood, agitation, or severe anxiety, especially when accompanied by any of the signs listed above.