How to help a sad child feel better

Children tend to enjoy life more than adults. However, this doesn't mean it's all about joy and games. At times, children can also feel frustrated. As parents or guardians, your role is to identify what's troubling them and help them feel better. Start by talking about what's bothering the child, then find ways to uplift their spirits through both short-term and long-term solutions.

Ask what the child is dealing with. If the child is upset, you might feel concerned too. Children who are frustrated may cry, sulk, withdraw, or display other behaviors that are concerning to parents. There are many reasons why a child may feel sad, so begin by asking them what is bothering them.

• Don’t shy away from discussing tough situations. If there’s been a loss in the family, a divorce, or separation, acknowledge it and answer any questions the child may have.
• Some children struggle to express their feelings verbally. Be patient and keep asking questions until you understand the issue.
• If the child can’t express what’s bothering them, create a game of 20 questions (with “enthusiastic” and “indifferent” responses) to help pinpoint what’s making them upset.
• If you think you know why the child is upset, ask guiding questions to help them identify the issue. For example, you might say, “It seems like you're feeling sad because Timmy moved away,” or “You might be feeling hurt that Billy didn’t sit with you.”

Do not undermine a child's emotions. If a child is facing a difficult issue, it is essential to help them understand that their feelings are valid. This starts with how you initiate the conversation with the child and continues with how you react when they share their concerns with you.

• Allow the child to express anything that’s bothering them. Even if it’s difficult for you, you must listen carefully and respond with honesty and tenderness.
• Never tell the child (or anyone about the issue) to "just stop being upset", "cheer up", or "let's all have fun together". Such statements can convey the message that the child's feelings are not important.
• Similarly, never tell the child that their situation is "not as bad as it seems" – this might be true from an adult's perspective, but for a child, feeling left out at lunchtime can be a very heartbreaking experience.
• Be aware that many sad children also experience other emotions at the same time, such as anger or fear. Be patient and try speaking gently to the child if they feel afraid or are angry with someone.

Talk about your own troubles. Some children may not realize that their parents often experience sadness. Many parents try to hide negative emotions to protect their children – this can sometimes be beneficial, but it shouldn't make the child believe that you never feel sad.

• Sharing your own emotions or discussing your sadness can help the child realize that they are not the only one who feels sad and that feeling down occasionally is perfectly normal.
• Let the child know that crying is perfectly natural, and sometimes you may even cry in front of them. Avoid shielding them from the reality of emotional vulnerability.
• Tell the child about times when you were troubled and let them know that sometimes, you’ve cried too.

Play with the child. If the child is feeling down, try playing with them. This reminds the child that you love and care for them, while helping them forget their troubles.

• If the child still enjoys playing with toys, join them in their favorite games. If the child has switched to video games, try playing a few rounds with them.
• Make sure the child is playing with toys or games that can help lift their mood. Some experts suggest that playing with tactile materials, such as clay, play dough, sand, rice, or even water, can help improve a child’s mood and make them forget their worries.

Take an interest in what excites the child. Depending on their age, gender, and personality, children may have different interests. No matter what the child is interested in, try to join them in those activities. This helps the child connect with you, and it can open up deeper and more meaningful conversations about various aspects of their life.

• If the child likes comics, ask them what their favorite ones are, or you can even ask if you can borrow one of their favorite comic books.
• If the child enjoys cartoons or TV shows, ask if you can watch with them. This can be a great way to understand the child’s sense of humor and cheer them up when they’re feeling down.
• If the child loves sports, watch a match together, play a game, or buy tickets to a local game.
• Whatever the child’s interests may be, you should show more curiosity about them. This will create a bond and help you know how to engage with the child the next time they feel upset.

Allow children to act out their worries. While this may not appeal to every child, some children enjoy acting out or pretending to be involved in scenarios that reflect their concerns. These may involve current family issues, the recent permanent loss of a loved one, or even situations they have encountered but cannot fully comprehend, like responsibilities at church or at work.

• Reenacting troubling situations is a wonderful way for children to explore these events in a safe, educational environment.
• Be supportive when children choose to act out what's happening in their lives. You might feel uneasy if your child reenacts a funeral scene soon after a family loss, but this may be their way of processing grief, death, and sorrow.
• Join in if they invite you, but respect their space if they prefer to act alone or with other children.

Take a walk or bike ride together. Physical activity releases endorphins, the chemicals in the brain that make you feel happier, and this applies to people of all ages. If a child is feeling down or upset, try doing some light physical exercise together to help alleviate stress and improve their mood.

Give the child time alone. Sometimes children can feel overwhelmed from being constantly surrounded by others. This can include exposure to electronics all day long. If they want to sit with you, allow them to do so, but ensure they have the option to spend some time alone without distractions from electronic devices.

• Limit TV, computer, or video game time to no more than two hours a day. This total screen time should not exceed two hours per day for any activity involving electronic devices.
• Encourage quiet, solitary moments to help the child learn self-reliance and independence. Over time, they will develop better emotional coping skills and the ability to relax or feel better without relying on electronics or other distractions.

Give the child a hug. It may seem obvious, but a hug is a powerful way to comfort a child who is feeling sad, stressed, or upset. Hug your child when they’re feeling down and don’t let go until they are ready to release the hug themselves.

Surprise the child with some fun. A pleasant surprise can be an excellent way to help a child temporarily forget their struggles. However, be cautious not to create an expectation of gifts or surprises every time they are upset. It’s important to use distractions sparingly to avoid preventing the child from addressing deeper issues, as this could hinder their emotional development.

• Choose a simple, enjoyable surprise that doesn't cost much. Avoid throwing an extravagant celebration like a second birthday or Christmas. Instead, gift a small present or arrange a fun activity to make their day brighter.
• Save surprises for the child’s worst days. Don’t make them a regular remedy for every bout of sadness, or the child may avoid confronting their problems in the future.

Assist your child in preparing for bedtime. A calm bedtime routine is vital for children, particularly when they are dealing with a tough or sad period in their life. Ensure that your child gets enough sleep and has plenty of time to relax before going to bed so that they wake up feeling refreshed and happy.

• Help your child unwind and de-stress before sleep. You can read a book together, discuss the events of the day, or allow them to enjoy a warm bath.
• Keep the bedroom temperature comfortable for sleep. The ideal range is between 18.3 to 22.2°C, but do whatever makes your child most comfortable.
• Keep in mind that children need more sleep than adults. A child aged 5 to 12 requires 10 to 11 hours of sleep each night.

Teach your child to express their emotions. One of the most important aspects of ensuring your child has a happy future (and for you to gauge their level of happiness) is teaching them how to express their emotions and moods. Some children may struggle with this on their own, but you can assist by helping them recognize their feelings and express them in appropriate ways.

• Encourage your child to make a list of their current emotions. Then, talk about why they feel that way, taking time to focus on each individual feeling.
• Allow your child to draw their emotions. Drawing is a great way for children to express what’s going on inside, especially when they avoid talking about their feelings or struggle to express them verbally.
• Just like adults, some children simply prefer more privacy and may be more introverted than others. This doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong or hidden, but reassure your child that you are always there and ready to listen whenever they need someone to talk to.

Be consistent. A great way to help your child feel secure and stable at home is to stick to a routine that works for them. Make sure you are always ready to comfort and reassure them, and that they know they have your full support. It might take time for a consistent routine to develop, but this is crucial for your child’s happiness and sense of comfort.

Help your child start an inspiration journal. If your child has never kept a journal, assist them in starting one. If they already have a daily journal, encourage them to develop the habit of writing an inspiration journal as well.

• Writing an inspiration journal can help your child recognize that their experiences are meaningful and significant. It can also serve as a way to lift their spirits if they have a difficult day in the future.
• An inspiration journal can cover a wide range of topics or focus on specific interests, depending on what your child prefers. Start by encouraging them to write about their daily discoveries, experiences, questions, and of course, what inspires them.

Embark on an adventure with your child. Exploring new places and experiences together can create incredible bonding moments. This approach fosters a fresh level of curiosity in children and offers them new perspectives and ways of thinking about the world.

• Visit a museum together, attend a dance class, or explore a new hobby with your child.
• Take a small adventure to the park, or go on a short trip to see something exciting and fun.
• Make sure these adventures are engaging for your child. Ask them for suggestions or allow them to create a plan based on your idea before you set off.

Help your child discover their talents. Research has shown that "mastery"—a combination of skills and successes—can be highly significant for a developing child. It helps them recognize a sense of purpose, goals for growth, and take pride in their achievements.

• If your child enjoys a particular activity, such as watching a hockey game or a dance competition, ask them if they’d like to join classes or participate in a competition.
• Don’t force your child into sports or recreational activities they’re not interested in. Let them decide whether to participate and when they’re ready to take something seriously.
• Ensure that you’re not pushing your child into an overly competitive mindset. Remember, they won’t win every game or competition. Instead, praise them for their effort and let them know how well they performed.

Teach your child gratitude. Gratitude goes beyond being thankful for material possessions. It’s important to teach children to appreciate the positive experiences in life, the loving care of their family, and their own skills and hobbies.

• Encourage your child to appreciate the "little things," such as a walk through the park on a sunny day or enjoying a favorite glass of fruit juice.
• Try putting up a gratitude chart on the wall or fridge. Have your child fill it out with things they are thankful for about their family, themselves, and the world around them.

Know when to seek help. While most children go through emotional ups and downs from day to day, some may suffer from clinical depression, behavioral issues, or psychological trauma. If your child frequently exhibits any of the following symptoms, consider consulting a specialist:

• Delayed development (speech, language, or toilet training)
• Difficulty with learning or focusing
• Behavioral issues, including anger/aggression, tantrums, bedwetting, or eating disorders
• Significant decline in grades and academic performance
• Frequent sadness, crying, or depression
• Avoiding social interactions, isolation, and/or loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
• Being a victim of bullying or bullying others
• Sleep disturbances
• Excessive sleep
• Frequent or continuous school lateness or truancy
• Unpredictable mood swings
• Signs of substance abuse (including alcohol, opiates, prescription drug misuse, or solvent abuse)
• Difficulty coping with life changes

Find a specialist for your child. If you believe therapy could be beneficial for your child, it’s important to find the right specialist. You may want to consider meeting with a psychiatrist (a medical doctor trained in psychology and pharmacology), a clinical psychologist (a specialist with a doctoral degree and advanced training in psychology), or a clinical social worker (often trained in psychology, though not always—check the qualifications required in your country).

• Start by asking your pediatrician for a referral or recommendation. If that’s not possible, you could ask a trusted friend, family member, or colleague.
• You can also search online for certified pediatric specialists in your area.
• Once you’ve found the right specialist, inquire whether they offer quick consultations or phone discussions. It’s a good idea to get a sense of the doctor’s personality before committing to regular appointments.
• Some specialists charge for consultations, while others offer them for free. Make sure to check in advance to avoid surprise fees.
• Ensure that the doctor you’re considering is licensed to practice in your country. You should also review their certifications and experience.
• Find out how long the doctor has been treating both children and adults.
• Consider whether your child feels comfortable with this therapy, and if the doctor is approachable and friendly.
• Ask what types of therapy the doctor practices (e.g., cognitive behavioral therapy, etc.).
• Check whether your health insurance covers therapy sessions for your child.