How to Help Someone with Depression

If someone close to you is struggling with depression, it’s not just them who feels drained, confused, and sorrowful; you are likely feeling it too. You may wish you could ease their pain—make sure you're offering the right support with thoughtful words and actions. Even if it seems like they’re not listening, they may be trying their hardest. If you're looking for ways to help someone battle depression, the following tips are for you.

Seek immediate help if your friend is contemplating suicide. If they are considering suicide, seek help immediately by calling 115 for medical assistance or taking them to the nearest emergency room.

• In the U.S., you can call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or 800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433).

Observe the symptoms. If you suspect that someone may be suffering from depression, take a moment to evaluate their behavior to gauge the severity of their condition. Make a note of the symptoms you notice.

• Appearing sad without reason, for long periods and frequently
• Loss of interest or enjoyment in activities once loved
• Loss of appetite and/or noticeable weight loss
• Overeating and/or weight gain
• Disturbed sleep patterns (either unable to sleep or sleeping excessively)
• Fatigue and/or lack of energy
• Becoming easily agitated or noticeably downcast
• Feelings of worthlessness and/or excessive guilt
• Difficulty concentrating or being indecisive
• Frequent thoughts of death or suicide, attempts to take one's life, or planning suicide
• These symptoms may last for two weeks or more, often returning intermittently. This is known as a "recurring state". In this case, it's not just a passing mood but a significant emotional fluctuation impacting daily life.
• If your friend is experiencing loss or shock, they may exhibit symptoms of despair rather than clinical depression.

Have a conversation with your friend about depression. When you realize that someone you care about is suffering from depression, it's important to engage them in an open and honest conversation.

• If the person you care for doesn’t acknowledge the severity of their struggles, it will be difficult for them to improve. You might want to talk to someone they trust to help address the issue more effectively.

Explain that depression is a mental health disorder. Depression is a condition that can be diagnosed by a doctor and treated successfully, so reassure them that what they are experiencing is due to depression and it is something that can be managed.

Be persistent. Tell them that you are concerned about their well-being. Don't let them deflect from the serious issue they are facing by saying things like "it's just been a tough month." If they try to change the subject, gently steer the conversation back to their emotional state. However, if they seem upset and unwilling to talk, it's best to stop and wait for another opportunity to discuss it.

Avoid conflict. Remember that someone with depression is going through intense emotional struggles and is in a vulnerable state. While you need to be firm, avoid being too forceful in the beginning.

• Don’t start with, "You have depression. How are we going to fix this?" Instead, say, "I’ve noticed you seem down lately. Is something bothering you?"
• Be patient. Sometimes it takes time for someone to open up, so give them the space they need, but try not to let them avoid the conversation.

Understand that you cannot 'cure' depression. While you surely want to help your friend as much as possible, there is no quick fix for this condition. What you can do is encourage them to seek support from others and be there for them when they need it. However, the ultimate outcome depends on the effort and commitment of the person struggling with depression.

Discuss the next steps. Once your friend acknowledges their depression, you can talk about ways to address the issue. Do they want to speak with a counselor? Would they like to visit a doctor and receive medication? Are there any life events that are contributing to their depression? Are they satisfied with their life or lifestyle?

Acknowledge that they should seek professional help. Before you both try to handle things on your own, it's important to recognize that untreated depression is very serious. While you can still support your friend, they should consider seeking a mental health professional. There are many types of therapists, each with different expertise, including counselors, clinical psychologists, and psychiatrists. It's possible that a combination of specialists may be needed.

• Counseling Psychologists: This type of treatment focuses on support and helping the patient through difficult times in their life. The treatment can be either short-term or long-term, usually aimed at addressing specific issues or goal-oriented.
• Clinical Psychologists: These professionals are trained to conduct assessments to confirm diagnoses, and typically focus on psychopathology, or the study of mental or behavioral disorders.
• Psychiatrists: Psychiatrists can use psychotherapy and diagnostic tools in treatment, but patients often prefer to explore medication options. In most cases, only psychiatrists are authorized to prescribe medication for depression.

Refer them to a few doctors. To help your friend find a counselor, you should seek recommendations from friends, family, community leaders, local mental health centers, or primary care doctors.

• In the U.S., professional organizations such as the American Psychological Association offer online directories to help you find local members in your area.

Schedule a doctor's appointment for them. If your friend is hesitant about seeing a healthcare professional, you can help by scheduling an appointment for them. Sometimes, taking the first step can be daunting, so they may need your assistance.

Accompany your friend to their first appointment. Your friend may feel more at ease knowing you are there with them.

• If you have the opportunity to speak directly with the mental health professional, you may briefly mention the symptoms you've noticed. However, keep in mind that counselors often prefer to talk privately with the patient.

Encourage them to seek good counseling. If the first counseling session doesn’t go well, motivate them to find another professional. A poor counseling experience can discourage them from continuing, but remember that not all mental health experts are the same. If they don’t click with the current counselor, help them find someone else.

Suggest different treatment methods. There are three main forms of treatment that are effective in managing depression: cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy, and psychodynamic therapy. Depending on the individual’s condition, one of these treatments may be more appropriate.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): The goal of CBT is to challenge and change the beliefs, attitudes, and biases that contribute to depressive symptoms, and to modify maladaptive behaviors.
• Interpersonal Therapy (IPT): IPT focuses on resolving life changes, building social skills, and addressing communication issues that may have contributed to depression. It can be particularly effective for depression triggered by a specific shock, such as the loss of a loved one.
• Psychodynamic Therapy: This treatment aims to help the patient recognize and address unresolved conflicts, focusing on unconscious feelings.

Suggest the possibility of medication. Antidepressants can help improve the patient’s mood while they undergo counseling. These medications affect the brain's neurotransmitters, attempting to regulate how they are created and/or used. Antidepressants are categorized based on the neurotransmitters they target.

• The most common types of antidepressants are SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs, and tricyclics. You can search online for the names of the most widely used ones by typing "antidepressants" or "depression medications".
• If antidepressants alone aren’t effective, the treating doctor may suggest adding antipsychotic medications, including aripiprazole, quetiapine, and risperidone. A combination therapy of antidepressant/antipsychotic (fluoxetine/olanzapine) may be recommended when standard antidepressants don't work.
• A psychiatrist may suggest trying different medications until they find the right one. Sometimes, antidepressants may cause unexpected effects, so monitoring the medication's impact is crucial. Both you and the patient should be especially attentive to any negative or unusual mood changes. Typically, the issue can be resolved by switching to a different class of medication.

Combine medication with psychological therapy. To maximize the effectiveness of medication, the patient should continue meeting with a mental health professional regularly while taking their prescribed medications.

Encourage patience. Both you and the patient should practice patience, as the counseling and medication process requires time to show results. The patient will attend counseling sessions regularly, often for several months, before seeing any improvements. It's important not to give up too soon, as all efforts need time to take effect.

• Typically, it takes at least three months to see any lasting effects from antidepressants.

Determine if you need consent to discuss treatment. Based on your relationship with the patient, assess whether you need their consent to discuss their treatment with their doctor. Medical information, especially regarding mental health, is generally confidential, and extra caution is taken with such private data.

• The patient may need to sign a consent form before you can discuss their treatment with the doctor.
• If the patient is a minor (under the legal marriage age), their parents or guardians will be allowed to discuss the treatment.

Create a list of medications and treatments. Prepare a list of medications the patient is taking, including dosages. Also, keep track of the treatments they are undergoing to ensure they are following the prescribed course and taking their medications on time.

Reach out to others in the support network. You shouldn't attempt to help the patient alone. Contact family members, friends, or trusted religious leaders. If the depressed person is an adult, make sure to get their consent before discussing their situation with others or seeking additional help. By talking with others, you’ll gain more information, a broader perspective on the patient, and feel less isolated in the process.

• Be cautious when sharing someone’s depression with others. Outsiders may be quick to judge if they don’t fully understand the situation. It’s important to carefully choose who to confide in.

Be a good listener. The best thing you can do is listen to what they have to say. Prepare yourself to hear anything, and try not to appear too shocked, even if it is truly overwhelming, as this may disappoint them. Be open, thoughtful, and listen without judgment.

• If they don't feel like talking, try gently asking questions to encourage them to open up. For example, ask if they had a good week.
• When they share something painful with you, offer words of encouragement like, “That must have been really difficult to say,” or “Thank you so much for being open with me.”

Give your full attention to the conversation with the patient. Put away your phone, make eye contact, and show that you are fully engaged in the conversation.

Know what to say. What a person suffering from depression needs most is love and understanding. Beyond just being a good listener, you need to be subtle and thoughtful with your words. Here are a few phrases that may help:

• You are not alone in this, I will be here for you.
• I know you're really struggling, and that’s what’s causing these emotions and thoughts.
• You might not believe me now, but you will feel better.
• I may not understand exactly how you feel, but I care deeply and want to help.
• Not just you, but your life is also very important to me.

Don’t say things like: “Just stop it” or “Cheer up.” Telling someone to “stop feeling this way” or “snap out of it” is rarely helpful. Be more empathetic. Imagine how it feels when the world seems to be against you, and everything is falling apart. What would you want to hear? Understand that depression is real, and the person suffering is in deep pain. Avoid saying things like:

• It’s all in your head.
• Everyone goes through stuff like this.
• You’ll be fine, don’t worry.
• Just think positive.
• Life is precious, why would you want to die?
• Stop being crazy.
• Why are you acting like this?
• You should be feeling better by now.

Don't argue with a person suffering from depression about their emotions. Avoid trying to pull them out of their emotions. These feelings may seem irrational, but telling them they are wrong or arguing about it is not helpful. Instead, you could say: “I’m really sorry to hear you’re feeling down. Is there anything I can do to help?

• Recognize that the person may not be honest about their negative emotions. Many people with depression feel ashamed and may hide the truth about their condition. If you ask, “Are you okay?” and they say “I’m fine,” try asking in a different way to better understand how they truly feel.

Help the person stay optimistic. When talking to them, try to steer the conversation in as positive a direction as possible. Don’t overdo the cheerfulness, but gently guide them to see a better perspective on their life and circumstances.

Stay in regular contact. You should call them, write encouraging letters or cards, or visit them to show that you’ll always be there for them. There are many ways to keep in touch with someone you care about.

• Try to visit them as much as possible without overwhelming them.
• If you're busy, you can send them an email to check in.
• If you can’t call them daily, make sure to chat with them regularly via text messages.

Take the person out for a walk. Even a short time outside can help them feel slightly better. However, for someone experiencing depression, stepping outside can be incredibly difficult. Encourage them to do something simple, like getting some fresh air.

• No need to go for a marathon, just a 20-minute walk together can help the person feel a little better after some outdoor physical activity.

Immerse yourself in nature. Some studies have shown that being in nature can reduce stress and improve mood. According to these studies, walking under the canopy of trees can help the mind enter a meditative state, allowing for deeper relaxation and a better mood.

Enjoy the sunlight together. Sunlight increases vitamin D levels, which helps to improve mood. Even just sitting on a chair and basking in the sun for a few minutes can do wonders for well-being.

Encourage them to try new things. They may forget about their depression, even if just for a while, if they have something to do and look forward to. However, don’t pressure them to do something extreme like skydiving or learning Japanese—simply encourage them to find new hobbies to help divert their attention from the depression.

• Suggest inspiring books for them to read. You could read together or discuss a book you both enjoy.
• Bring over a movie from a director you love. They might enjoy exploring a new genre, and you can share the experience of watching it together.
• Encourage them to express their creativity. Painting or writing poetry can help them express themselves better, and these are activities you can do together.

Acknowledge their progress. Whenever they reach a goal, celebrate and recognize it. Even the smallest steps, like taking a shower or going to the store, are significant for someone struggling with depression.

Improve their daily life. While you can encourage them to try new experiences and engage with the outside world, sometimes all they need is for you to be there, sharing the simple daily tasks, to help them feel less isolated.

• Participating in everyday activities like preparing lunch or watching TV together can make a big difference.
• You can also ease their burdens by helping with simple tasks. For example, running errands, cooking, cleaning, or doing laundry.
• Depending on the situation, offering small gestures of affection, like a hug, can help them feel better.

Sometimes it's okay to stop. You may feel discouraged when your sincere words of comfort and advice are met with indifference or opposition. It's important not to take it personally, as these are simply symptoms of depression, not a reflection of you. If you feel exhausted or drained, it’s essential to take a break and do things that inspire and bring you joy.

• On the other hand, living with someone who is ill and recognizing that you can’t always be away from them is crucial.
• Focus your frustration on the illness itself, not on the person.
• Even if you can't be with them in person, make sure to check in at least once a day to see how they’re coping with their situation.

Take good care of yourself. Sometimes, in focusing too much on others, you forget about yourself. Being around someone who is constantly struggling with depression can also lower your own mood and lead to your own issues. In such situations, try to see feelings of frustration, helplessness, and anger as entirely normal.

• If you have many personal issues that need addressing, you might become overwhelmed by the responsibility of helping someone else. Don’t let someone else's problems be a way to avoid dealing with your own.
• Recognize when your attempts to help are preventing you from enjoying life or addressing other important matters. If the person you're caring for becomes too dependent on you, both of your well-being will suffer.
• If you feel the effects of their depression are deeply affecting you, seeking help for yourself is a good step. A counselor could provide valuable support for you.

Make time for your own life. While you might be a wonderful friend who provides both physical and emotional support, it’s essential to take time for yourself to relax and enjoy life.

• Spend time with friends and family who are not affected by depression, and enjoy the moments with them.

Live healthily. You should spend more time outdoors, whether that’s training for a 5k race, strolling through a farmer's market, or doing whatever is necessary to maintain your inner strength.

Make time to laugh. If you can’t get the person to laugh, spend time with cheerful people, watch a comedy, or read some funny stories online.

Don’t feel guilty for enjoying life. While your friend may be struggling with depression, you are not, and you have every right to enjoy your life. Remember, you can only help others when you’re in the best possible state yourself.

Update yourself on the topic of depression. If someone close to you is battling depression, it’s crucial for you to understand what they’re going through. Many people don’t truly comprehend what a disorder like depression entails, and this lack of knowledge can make life much harder for those suffering from it. Just having someone who doesn't judge or criticize, someone who shows empathy, can literally be life-saving for someone with depression. You should take the time to learn about the illness and speak with mental health professionals, or even someone who has personally experienced depression or a similar disorder.