Buzz
Discover ways to assist your significant other during manic and depressive phases and encourage them to pursue treatment.
Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition marked by intense mood fluctuations. During manic episodes, individuals may feel overly energetic and joyful, while depressive episodes can bring profound sadness, feelings of inadequacy, and exhaustion. You can support your partner by expressing your care, offering assistance during manic phases, standing by them during depressive lows, and guiding them toward treatment. While supporting your partner is crucial, it's equally important to establish healthy boundaries and prioritize your own well-being.
Key Points to Remember
- Educate yourself about how bipolar disorder impacts your partner. Listen to their experiences without passing judgment.
- Reassure your partner of your support and demonstrate your care through thoughtful actions.
- Provide your partner with information on various treatment options and resources for managing bipolar disorder.
Steps to Follow
Demonstrating Your Care
Ask how bipolar disorder impacts them personally. Bipolar disorder affects individuals differently, and understanding your partner's unique experiences can help you provide better support. Discuss how they typically feel during both depressive and manic episodes.
- Ask, "Can you describe what you usually go through during your episodes?"
- While it's helpful to read about bipolar disorder, remember that your partner may not exhibit all common symptoms or may experience uncommon ones.
- Be prepared to accept your partner as they are, including behaviors linked to their condition. For instance, during mania, they might engage in risky activities like substance use or impulsive decisions. Address your concerns with them proactively.
Listen without judgment. Whether your partner is manic or depressed, they need to feel heard. Their emotions and thoughts can be overwhelming, so provide a safe space for them to express themselves.
- Respond empathetically, saying things like, "That sounds really tough. I want you to know how much I admire you."
- Avoid dismissive comments like, "Stop thinking like that," or "You're overreacting," as these can worsen the situation.
- Understand that some individuals with bipolar disorder may struggle with relationship dynamics, which might make the relationship feel unbalanced at times. Communicate openly to address any concerns and restore equilibrium.
Reassure them of your support. While actions matter, verbal reassurance can be equally important. Your partner might doubt your intentions, so make it clear that your support stems from genuine care.
- Say, "I know things are hard right now, and I want you to know I'm here for you. You mean so much to me, and I’ll support you in any way I can."
- Avoid assuming their needs or taking over. Let them ask for help when they’re ready, and remember that your role is to support, not to control.
Perform thoughtful acts to ease their stress and show your care. This could involve helping with daily tasks, surprising them with a meal, or creating a relaxing environment like running a bubble bath. These gestures demonstrate your appreciation and help alleviate stress that might exacerbate their condition.
- Even small acts, like tidying up their space or preparing a lunch, can make a significant difference.
Providing Support During Manic Episodes
Identify signs of a manic episode. Mania often brings elevated moods, but it can also cause irritability and anxiety. During this phase, your partner may act impulsively or recklessly. Look out for these common symptoms:
- Extreme euphoria, restlessness, or hyperactivity
- Heightened energy levels
- Impulsive actions like overspending, substance use, or risky sexual behavior
- Rapid, excessive speech
- Difficulty focusing or staying on task
- Agitation or aggressive tendencies
- Overwhelming sense of happiness or invincibility
- Inflated self-esteem
- Paranoid thoughts
- Hallucinations or delusional thinking
- Significantly reduced need for sleep, such as staying awake for days
Provide a calming presence. Avoid adding to their stimulation. Maintain a balanced demeanor and suggest calming, healthy activities like spending time in nature. Steer clear of anything that might worsen their symptoms, such as alcohol or high-energy environments.
- For example, skip loud parties or clubs and avoid dates centered around stimulants like caffeine or depressants like alcohol.
- Opt for peaceful activities like hiking in a quiet forest or swimming in a serene location.
- Discuss beforehand how they prefer to manage manic symptoms and establish when to seek help. Encourage them to stick to their medication routine, as they might be tempted to stop during mania.
Plan activities that channel their energy. Don’t let manic episodes disrupt your relationship. Instead, choose dates that align with their heightened energy levels. Here are some ideas:
- Strolling through a park
- Spending a day at the beach
- Rock climbing or bouldering
- Dancing at a relaxed venue
- Exploring nature trails
- Rollerblading or skating
Help them avoid impulsive decisions. Mania can lead to reckless behaviors like overspending, gambling, substance abuse, or risky sexual activity. Your partner may not fully grasp the consequences of their actions during this time. If you notice impulsivity, gently suggest alternatives and invite them to join you in a more controlled activity.
- For example, if they start buying items they can’t afford at the mall, say, “You look amazing in everything, but maybe take a day to think about it. Let’s grab some frozen yogurt and talk it over.”
- Remember, they might still choose to act impulsively. In such cases, respect the boundaries you’ve set. If their behavior becomes too much, it’s okay to step away and let them face the natural consequences.
Encourage better sleep habits. Maintain a consistent bedtime routine and invite your partner to join you. Let them rest whenever possible, even if it’s at unconventional times. If they stay up all night and crash during the day, it’s still beneficial for their health.
- If you share a living space, dim the lights and create a tranquil environment before bed. Avoid stimulating activities like watching TV or playing games together in the evening.
Supporting Them Through Depression
Identify signs of depression. Your partner may experience deep sadness, hopelessness, or a sense of worthlessness. They might also feel emotionally numb, fatigued, or unusually restless. Look for these common symptoms:
- Persistent sadness, emptiness, or feelings of worthlessness
- Overwhelming guilt
- Frequent crying (in some cases)
- Increased irritability (particularly in younger individuals)
- Difficulty sleeping or excessive sleeping
- Restlessness or lethargy
- Chronic fatigue
- Trouble concentrating or making decisions
- Thoughts or actions related to self-harm or suicide
Understand that their emotions aren’t about you. Being around someone who’s depressed can be emotionally draining. You might feel inadequate or blame yourself for their unhappiness. Remember, their depression is not your fault, and your support is valuable even if they don’t express it.
- Your partner may deeply appreciate your presence, even if they struggle to show it.
Help them achieve a small, attainable goal. Depression can make even simple tasks feel overwhelming. Setting a modest goal can provide a sense of accomplishment and improve their mood. Suggest an achievable task and assist them in getting started.
- For instance, the goal could be stepping outside for a walk, finishing a work assignment, or engaging in a creative activity like writing. It could also be something practical, like preparing a meal.
Promote healthy ways to cope. When intense emotions arise, it’s natural to seek ways to manage them. However, individuals with bipolar disorder might not always choose healthy methods, such as turning to alcohol. Encourage better coping strategies by participating with them or reminding them of the positive effects these activities bring. Remember, it’s not your job to “fix” them. Here are some healthy examples:
- Expressing creativity through art
- Reconnecting with a favorite hobby
- Relaxing in a warm bath
- Reading a beloved book
- Sharing their feelings openly
- Spending time with loved ones
- Snuggling with a pet
Provide meaningful encouragement. While it’s tempting to say things like “Everything will be fine” or “You’ll feel better soon,” these phrases often don’t help someone with depression. Instead, offer specific, supportive comments tailored to their situation.
- For example, say, “I know this is really hard for you, but we’ll get through this together.” Remind them of past successes: “You’ve overcome this before. Remember how you felt better after getting back into your routine?”
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 305 Mytour readers, and 50% said the most challenging aspect of depression is intense sadness and despair. [Take Poll] Supporting your partner and encouraging healthy coping strategies can make a significant difference.
Practice patience. Overcoming depression is a gradual process, and rushing your partner won’t help. Allow them the time they need to heal.
- If you feel overwhelmed, take a break to recharge. Spend time with friends or family to clear your mind.
- Think of depression like any other illness—just as you can’t rush recovery from the flu, you can’t rush recovery from depression.
Be alert to signs of suicidal thoughts. While not everyone with depression is suicidal, it’s a serious risk. Be prepared to take action, such as calling emergency services or visiting the emergency room, if you notice these warning signs:
- Persistent sadness
- Threats or talk of suicide
- Statements about life being meaningless or not wanting to live
- Giving away cherished belongings
- Putting affairs in order (e.g., saying goodbye, settling debts)
Supporting Them in Seeking Treatment
Communicate calmly and compassionately. Use a gentle, understanding tone to keep them receptive to your concerns. Show that you care about their well-being and aren’t criticizing their behavior. If you feel frustrated, pause, take a deep breath, or count to 10 before continuing.
- For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling really low lately, compared to last month when you were full of energy. I’m concerned and want to help you feel better. Would you consider talking to someone about how you’re feeling?”
- Be prepared to discuss the need for treatment more than once, as it may take time for them to be ready.
Provide information about bipolar disorder and treatment. Many individuals with bipolar disorder stop treatment when symptoms improve, even if challenges persist. Sharing educational resources can help them understand your perspective and encourage them to seek help.
- For instance, offer books, articles, or brochures about bipolar disorder. You can also share links to reputable websites or online resources.
Assist them in scheduling a doctor’s visit. Finding the right doctor can be overwhelming, especially during a depressive episode. Offer to help them select a psychiatrist, who can manage medications, and make the appointment for them.
- Search online for a qualified psychiatrist in your area.
- If you’re in a long-term relationship, consider accompanying them to the appointment to provide support and ease their anxiety.
Explore support groups for them or both of you. Support groups are a valuable resource, offering connection with others who understand bipolar disorder. They can share practical advice and coping strategies based on their own experiences.
- Check with local clinics, libraries, or community centers for nearby support groups. Online forums are another option if in-person groups aren’t available.
Encourage consistent medication use. Skipping medication is a common issue for people with bipolar disorder, especially when they feel stable. However, stopping medication can lead to relapse. Gently remind them of the benefits of their medication and encourage them to stay consistent.
- Say, “You’ve been doing so well lately, and I think your medication has played a big part in that. Please keep taking it—it’s important for your health.”
Assist them in establishing healthy routines. Structured routines can help manage bipolar symptoms effectively. For those experiencing depression, routines prevent further decline and encourage self-care. For those in a manic phase, routines ensure they remember to sleep and meet responsibilities.
- If you live together, create a household routine with set meal times, chores, and a consistent bedtime.
- If you live apart, set a schedule for regular communication via phone or text, and plan regular date nights. Remind them to eat meals and send a goodnight text to encourage rest.
Collaborate on a WRAP plan. A Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) helps you and your partner prepare for managing manic or depressive episodes. Typically, their doctor will assist in creating this plan. Having a WRAP ensures you can support them in ways they’ve already agreed to.
- Ensure you have access to their WRAP plan for reference.
Setting Boundaries
Communicate unacceptable behaviors. While supporting your partner is important, it’s okay to step away if their behavior becomes unreasonable. If they act aggressively or engage in abuse, remove yourself from the situation. Clearly state your boundaries and enforce them if needed.
- Say, “If you yell at me or become aggressive, I will leave. I deserve respect, regardless of your condition.”
- If you share a home, set boundaries around shared responsibilities. For example, say, “I understand you’re struggling, but I need you to help with basic tasks like cleaning up after yourself.”
Develop a crisis plan together. Decide how to handle mental health emergencies, including who to contact and what steps to take. Keep their doctor’s number, medication details, and family contacts handy. Discuss their needs and clarify what constitutes an emergency.
- Agree on when to contact their doctor or family, such as after three days of severe sadness or fatigue.
- Know when to call emergency services, such as if they express suicidal thoughts.
Understand that bipolar disorder influences their behavior. Like other mental illnesses, bipolar disorder can cause your partner to act out or say things they don’t truly mean. While their words may hurt, remember it’s the illness speaking, not them.
- For instance, during depression, they might say, “I hate my life,” “I wish I were dead,” or “You’d be better off without me.” These statements reflect the illness, not their true feelings.
- During mania, they might become irritable or overly excitable, yelling, “Leave me alone,” even when you’re trying to help them avoid impulsive actions.
- If they verbally abuse you, take a step back. Engage in activities you enjoy, like spending time with friends or pursuing hobbies. Do not tolerate yelling, insults, or threats.
Don’t enable harmful behaviors. Avoid helping them access alcohol, drugs, or other substances that worsen their condition. Similarly, refrain from participating in activities detrimental to their long-term health, like reckless spending or clubbing. While it may seem supportive, enabling only harms them.
- Focus on their well-being by offering healthier alternatives. For example, say, “I won’t buy you alcohol, but I can help you relax with a warm bath.”
Maintain your own life outside the relationship. Supporting someone with an illness can be challenging, but it shouldn’t consume your entire life. While caregiving can feel rewarding, a co-dependent relationship harms both of you. You deserve a fulfilling life outside of caregiving. Keep up with friendships, hobbies, and personal growth.
- For example, maintain regular meetups with friends, continue your hobbies, or take a class independently.
- Co-dependency occurs when one person’s identity revolves around caring for another, leading to neglect of their own needs. This dynamic prevents both individuals from thriving.
- If you suspect co-dependency, consider therapy to set healthier boundaries and improve your relationship. Therapy can be individual or couples-based.
Prioritize self-care. To effectively support your partner, you must also care for yourself. Make time to relax, engage in activities that bring you joy, and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Eat well, sleep enough, and stay on top of your responsibilities.
- Stick to your own healthy routines.
- Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it makes you a better source of support for your partner.
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Open communication strengthens your relationship. Share your feelings and reassure them of your support.
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Spend time with friends and family to avoid feeling overwhelmed by their condition.
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Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it.
Important Warnings
- Severe depression can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts or actions. If you suspect your partner may be suicidal, immediately contact emergency services.
