How to Identify a Jealous Friend

Sometimes, envy can take control of a friend's actions. There are several ways to spot someone who may feel jealous of you. Observe how you interact with them and see if they tend to belittle you or act distant. Watch for their behavior—pessimistic people are more likely to become envious. If you sense jealousy from a friend, have an honest conversation and work together to find a solution. A true friendship can withstand the challenges posed by jealousy.

Notice sarcastic compliments. A jealous friend may try to appear supportive by complimenting you, but their praise often carries hidden hostility. You can spot jealousy by the insincerity of their compliments. For example, if you land a new job, a backhanded compliment might sound like, "That's great! Usually, they don't hire people with so little experience, but it might work out for you."

Notice if your friend belittles your accomplishments. A jealous friend often feels insecure about their own abilities, so they may try to downplay the achievements of others. If you have good news, they may respond negatively or make you feel undeserving. For example, if you get an "A" on a test, a jealous friend might say, "Don’t get too confident. We still have half a semester left, so I’m not too sure myself." In some cases, they might even one-up your achievements by mentioning their own, claiming bigger successes. For instance, "I remember that differential equations class. It was much harder than this one, and I got an ‘A’ in every assignment and test. I ended up with the highest grade in the class."

Pay attention if they don’t offer encouragement. True friends celebrate each other’s success. While genuine friends will enthusiastically congratulate you on your achievements, a jealous friend might respond coldly, with a flat "Okay. Great." This is not a sincere or warm congratulation.

Observe if they start avoiding you. A jealous friend may begin to distance themselves from you. If they feel envious, they may see your success as a reminder of what they lack. You may notice that a friend who used to be close now seems "too busy" and keeps making excuses to avoid you. Additionally, you may realize they always have time for others but rarely for you.

See if they show interest in your life. A jealous friend will not be eager to hear about your successes. You might notice they seem disinterested when you talk about your work, school, or a new relationship. They may turn away, play with their phone, or not respond with comments or questions about your life.

Watch for signs of pessimism in their actions. Jealous people often have a negative outlook on life. They may feel that others succeed easily while they struggle to achieve anything. If a friend is envious, you can spot pessimistic behavior in their everyday interactions. A pessimistic friend may downplay your efforts, for example, if you want to learn a new skill, they will list reasons why you might fail. Jealous friends also tend to be critical of themselves. If you try to offer solutions to their problems, they will immediately dismiss them.

Observe if they try to imitate you. Jealousy is often expressed through imitation. A jealous friend may want to mimic aspects of your life to feel like they are living your life. You may notice them dressing like you, adopting your tastes, or talking about similar topics. They might also try to outdo you while still copying your behavior. For example, if you start running for 20 minutes a day, a jealous friend might increase their workout to 30 minutes a day.

Listen for comments about unfairness. A jealous person may often comment on things or situations they perceive as unfair. For instance, they might say, "It’s not fair how everything is so easy for you. You always have high-paying jobs while I’m stuck in this boring job." Pay attention to these frequent hints of injustice because, in many cases, they are blaming their circumstances for not being able to achieve what you have.

Consider whether they crave attention. Jealous people often seek the spotlight. You can notice this in how they act around others. A jealous friend may always want to be the center of attention. They might brag on social media about their happiness or perfect life. You may also notice them trying to get close to your other friends, hoping to gain their attention. A jealous person may seek attention in group settings, making bold jokes or telling the most entertaining stories, often interrupting to overpower someone else’s voice with something more attention-grabbing.

Monitor their social behavior. A jealous person may begin to avoid you. You’ll notice they hang out with others instead of you. Suddenly, they stop inviting you out. They are distancing themselves from you. They might use excuses like being too busy with homework, but you later find out they were out with someone else that night.

Put yourself in their shoes. Think about what might be causing them to feel jealous and where the issue lies. If they're going through a tough time, it could make them more prone to jealousy. You may inadvertently fuel their jealousy by talking too much about your own achievements. In such cases, try adjusting how you talk with your friend. Still, it’s important to identify their concerns to have a productive conversation.

• Perhaps they are going through a tough phase. Have they faced any setbacks lately? Work or relationship struggles can make someone feel more envious.
• Reflect on whether you’ve contributed to their jealousy. Even if they’re happy for your success, their difficult situation may prevent them from being open about it. You might be focusing too much on your own achievements.

Recognize their feelings of insecurity. Do your best to show empathy and understanding. Your friend might be dealing with personal insecurities, which manifest as jealousy. This could stem from a lack of confidence or sadness. Perhaps they have never had the same opportunities as you or others.

• People who are at peace with themselves tend to be confident and not jealous. However, those hiding insecurities may exhibit signs of envy.

Be direct. After considering their perspective, have an honest conversation. Wait for a time when both of you are free, and let them know you’d like to talk. You might say something like, "I feel like you’ve been jealous of me lately. I want to address this because I value our friendship."

• Discuss the situation with an open mind. Even if you feel their jealousy is unreasonable, they may have complaints from their point of view. Maybe you didn’t notice that you were being insensitive to their situation.
• Once you've shared your feelings, allow your friend to express theirs honestly.

Work together to find a solution. If you want to maintain the relationship, both sides need to contribute to a solution. Suggest changes for them, but also be open to changing yourself if necessary.

• For example, you could ask if they would be okay with you sharing your successes. There may be times when your friend isn’t ready to hear about your achievements.
• If your friend shows signs of jealousy, it’s best not to talk too much about your personal accomplishments.

Distance yourself if necessary. If the jealousy continues, it may be time to end the relationship. You can either gradually reduce contact or confront them directly. You might say something like, "Because of your jealousy, I think we need some space right now. I hope you understand." It’s painful to lose a friend, but jealousy is a negative trait. When it’s needed, keep your distance from a jealous friend.