How to Identify a Pathological Liar

Examine the nature of suspicious statements. You might suspect a friend, family member, or colleague of exaggerating the truth. Filter out their questionable statements and analyze if those lies share common traits. Pathological liars may lie to seek sympathy, out of boredom, or due to low self-confidence. One reason they feel compelled to lie could be their desire to stand out. They feel the need to be the “center of the universe” and will do anything to make that happen. This desire is reinforced, and their lies grow bigger and more elaborate just to keep the spotlight on them.

• Some pathological liars might be seeking sympathy in certain situations. They could exaggerate or fabricate pain, illness, or blow minor life troubles out of proportion to gain pity from others.
• Pathological liars often suffer from low self-esteem. They frequently lie to make themselves appear more important than they are. They might inflate personal or professional achievements to make their lives seem more impressive and valuable. In such cases, they might be lying more to convince themselves than to deceive others.
• Some liars simply do it out of boredom. They weave events and fabricate stories to hurt others. This creates drama and makes their lives less mundane.
• Some liars might grab attention by telling exaggerated stories about themselves. To maintain that image, they may continue to invent bigger and more complex lies.

Listen to them recounting other people's stories. Pathological liars are often caught in their lies. You might frequently hear them narrate someone else's story as if it happened to them. If their story sounds familiar, pause and think if you’ve heard it somewhere before.

• You might hear a pathological liar retelling a story from your friend or relative. They might also recount events from movies or TV shows, often embellishing their version of the tale.
• For example, your colleague shares a story that sounds oddly familiar, but you’re unsure where you’ve heard it. Later, you come across the same story in the news. If your colleague is a pathological liar, they likely took the story from the news and presented it as their own.

Notice if they avoid answering questions. When questioned, pathological liars often dodge direct answers. They are skilled at manipulation, so you might think they’ve answered, but in reality, they haven’t.

• For instance, your friend reveals she just had a fight with a close friend. You’re also having issues with this friend and wonder if she often has relationship troubles. You ask, “Why aren’t you and Thanh talking anymore?”
• She might respond with something like, “We haven’t spoken much in the past year.” This means she didn’t answer your question directly. She avoids straightforward questions. For example, if you ask, “Did you lead Thanh on like you’ve done to me multiple times?” She might reply, “Do you think I’m that kind of person?”

Watch for manipulative behavior. Pathological liars are experts at manipulating others. They often study carefully to divert attention from their lies. Pay attention to how they interact with you. You might notice subtle manipulative tactics.

• These individuals often use sexual appeal as a tool to control emotions. If you’re attracted to someone who might be a pathological liar, they might flirt ambiguously when questioned.
• They also study you thoroughly and know your limits. Pathological liars are adept at predicting which lies people will believe. For example, they might know you don’t believe lies about illnesses but might fall for their emotional stories. You might hear them fabricate tales of aches and pains to others but avoid discussing illnesses with you.

Observe their reaction when caught lying. Not all pathological liars are the same. However, most react intensely when their lies are exposed. If someone seems to get angry when accused of lying, you might be dealing with a pathological liar.

• Pathological liars are often very defensive. They might blame others to justify their lies. For example, “I had to say that because our boss is too strict.”
• They might also create another lie to cover up the previous one. For instance, “Yes, I used that money to fix the car, but I also spent half of it on groceries. I forgot to tell you I stopped by the store earlier.”
• They might get angry when caught lying and start crying excessively to evoke sympathy.

Consider their mental health history. Lying can be linked to certain mental health issues like borderline personality disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. If you’re close to such individuals, you might know their mental health history and encourage them to seek appropriate support.

• You can use their mental health history to identify patterns in their lying behavior. Do they only lie in specific situations? Are they trying to alter their image and impress others with lies? Or do they lie to avoid discussing certain topics?

Pay attention to eye contact behavior. Many believe that pathological liars avoid eye contact. However, while typical liars might shy away from eye contact, this isn’t usually the case with pathological liars. Instead, you might notice them making excessive eye contact. This is an attempt to appear trustworthy.

• A liar might stare at you unwaveringly during a conversation. In normal conversations, people occasionally glance away. However, a pathological liar will maintain intense eye contact throughout.
• You might also spot subtle signs of deceit. Their pupils might dilate, or they might blink slowly.

Notice if they seem overly relaxed. When ordinary people lie, they might fidget or show signs of anxiety. In contrast, pathological liars rarely feel guilt about lying. As a result, they often appear very comfortable while deceiving others. In fact, pathological liars usually seem sociable and at ease. Even if you know they’re lying, they won’t display typical signs of stress or nervousness.

• For example, you hear a colleague tell a story during lunch. Later, you notice the person you suspect retelling the same story as if it happened to them.
• You know they’re lying, but they seem unfazed. They recount the story without showing any signs of tension or anxiety, appearing completely at ease. If you didn’t know the truth, you’d never suspect them.

Pay attention to their voice. Subtle changes in voice can indicate deceit. Not all pathological liars exhibit this, but some do. Changes in tone, combined with other cues, might reveal a pathological liar.

• You might notice slight shifts in their vocal pitch. Their tone might become higher or lower than usual when lying.
• They might also lick their lips or drink water while speaking. The stress of lying can increase adrenaline levels or tighten vocal cords, leading to thirst.

Watch their smile. Pathological liars might not display typical body language when lying, but they often have a fake smile. A genuine smile is hard to fake, so focus on their mouth. A sincere smile engages the entire face, while a fake one only affects the area around the lips.

Investigate their secretive habits. If the person struggles with substance abuse, gambling, overeating, or other destructive behaviors, they might also be a pathological liar.

• For example, you might notice a colleague drinking excessively at a company party. They might pour drinks when no one is at the bar or even carry a flask in their pocket.
• Alternatively, you might never see a colleague eat lunch but occasionally find food in their office. They could be secretive about their eating habits and frequently decline dining out with coworkers.

Consider whether they live in reality. Pathological liars often detach from real life. Many times, they believe their own lies. They might delude themselves about their abilities and self-worth.

• Pathological liars tend to exaggerate their importance. They might treat a minor compliment from their boss as a monumental achievement, inflating its significance when retelling it.
• They might lack basic life skills but not see it as a problem.
• If the person has a distorted view of reality, they might genuinely believe their fabrications. While this doesn’t apply to all pathological liars, it’s worth considering that their lies might not be malicious.

Reflect on their relationships with others. Pathological liars often have unstable relationships. Examine the history of their relationships that you’re aware of. Look for warning signs of instability.

• Do they have lasting friendships or romantic relationships? A series of failed relationships and no long-term close friends could indicate a pathological liar.
• They might also be estranged from their family.

Look into their career history. A pathological liar might list numerous jobs on their resume. However, most of these are likely short-term positions. They might also avoid explaining why those jobs didn’t turn into long-term careers.

• For example, a pathological liar might have an extensive resume filled with short-term roles. If questioned about their career, they might dodge the topic.
• In some cases, pathological liars might relocate frequently due to sudden job changes. They often “burn bridges” with their employers.

• Understand that you’ll never hear a consistent story when talking to a pathological liar.
• Remember that pathological liars often embellish everything they tell you to make their stories more interesting.
• Someone continuously lying to you is a form of disrespect – they are not someone you can trust or consider a true friend.
• If you care about the person, gently remind them they don’t need to pretend to be perfect. Share some of your own mistakes and failures in life.
• Sometimes people lie out of embarrassment, shame, or misunderstanding, even about themselves. This could explain their short-lived relationships and unstable careers. They might keep this secret and avoid direct conversations.

• You can encourage someone to seek therapy for lying, but you can’t force them. In fact, it’s rare for a pathological liar to admit their lying is a problem; let them decide for themselves.
• If you suspect someone is lying to cover up illegal behavior, consider reporting it to the authorities.