How to Identify Your True Friends

You might have countless friends from all over, Facebook contacts, and social connections that are hard to keep track of, but do you truly feel a genuine connection with those 'friends'? How can you be sure of that? Keep reading if you're interested in testing your friendships and finding your real companions.

Ask that friend for help. When you need assistance, is that friend there for you? Or do they come up with excuses and disappear when things get inconvenient? True friends will always be there to offer a helping hand, and once you've completed your task, they'll celebrate with you.

• These friends will help you with moving furniture, drive you to the airport, and even do homework with you.
• Avoid asking for too much. If you constantly need help, it will be difficult for people to consider you a true friend and stay by your side.

Change a previously agreed plan with that friend. If you're truly good friends, no matter what the plan is, you’ll still remain friends. Hangouts with friends are an opportunity for us to relax, and simply meeting each other is enough to enjoy the moment. How would that person react if you decide to change your plans? If you agreed to meet up one evening and then change your mind, would they prefer to stay home and watch TV alone instead of going out with you?

• Even if your suggestion is rejected, it doesn't necessarily mean the friendship will end, but you can learn a lot about the person from their reaction. Do they act like your suggestion is absurd? That's not a good sign. Or do they just want to either watch a movie or stay at home alone? That’s a different matter.

Open up to a friend and share a personal story. Friends from school or acquaintances often don't pay attention to helping you in times of difficulty. They just want a friend to enjoy weekend gatherings with. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t find real friendship in that group. If you want to know who your true friends are, you need to be open and observe how they respond.

• Confide in them about a date you're going on or a family issue that’s bothering you. Don’t expect an answer, but if you're not listened to or empathized with, or if the person seems uncomfortable, that's not a good sign.
• Gossiping is another thing. Many people love to gossip, but that doesn’t mean they’re good friends.

Invite that friend to your home to meet your family. Although a good friend doesn’t necessarily have to get along with your parents and siblings, if they do, it's a good sign. If that person enjoys coming over to your house and your family likes them, it means they feel comfortable being around you, and you can trust that their words are genuine.

• Inviting a friend over for dinner is a quick and easy test. Just make sure to ask your parents first.

Be wary of signs of 'exploitation.' When you just bought a new car, suddenly you have so many 'friends' at school who never paid attention to you before? Often, people will act friendly when they want to gain something from you. It's best to avoid relationships like these. Exploiters will flatter you and make you feel good with their attention, but they’ll never be there for you when things don’t go as planned.

• If a friend often asks for rides, borrows your game, or comes over to swim, you should suggest meeting them at a different time or tell them your car is being repaired. If they cancel, that's a bad sign.

Watch for signs of jealousy. Sometimes, jealousy can sneak into friendships, especially if two people are in different situations. For example, if you and a friend both play on the same sports team, but you get selected for the school's team while they don’t, it could cause a rift in your friendship. However, true friends can learn to overcome initial jealousy and prioritize the friendship. Signs of jealousy include:

• The person never praises your successes or often criticizes you instead of congratulating you.
• They begin distancing themselves from you.
• You feel a negative 'vibe' when you're around them.
• They disappear when you're going through a tough time and need help.

Pay attention to signs of two-faced behavior. Anyone who talks behind your back is not a true friend. If someone behaves differently with you than they do with others, or if they speak about you to your face in a way that contradicts what they say when you're not around, they cannot be your friend.

• If you're curious about what others say behind your back, you can ask other friends. True friends will always tell you the truth.
• People who make cruel remarks about you are clearly not your friends. Teasing someone is one thing, but if someone puts you down and doesn’t care that their actions hurt you, they’re not someone you should consider a friend.

Confront the person you think may be treating you poorly. If you suspect a friend is jealous of you, taking advantage of you, or behaving in a way that’s not genuine, but you can’t quite figure it out, ask them to meet and talk directly. Ask them, “Are we friends?”

• Although the question may sound odd and possibly shocking, immediately follow it by listing the behaviors you’ve noticed recently. “I noticed you only hang out with me when you want to swim at my pool, and then you talk behind my back. That’s not what a friend does. What’s going on?”
• Allow them to explain. If their words make you uncomfortable, or if they try to justify unacceptable behavior, then that person is not your true friend.

Listen to your instincts. Friendship and friends come in many forms. Your feelings about your friends are often based on instinct and intuition. If you feel that someone truly cares about you and you believe they are your real friend, then they probably are. If you have to ask yourself whether they are a good friend, then the answer might be no.

• Ask yourself these questions, even if you're not sure of the answers, and follow your instincts: Would that friend pick you up from the airport at midnight if you needed them? Would they spend time talking to your grandparents during a boring Sunday dinner just to be a good friend, and hang out with you afterwards? Would they celebrate your success even if they didn’t achieve the same?

Surround yourself with friends who always support you. Friends should be there for each other, sharing the good times and helping each other through difficult moments. Anyone who doesn’t offer you emotional support is not a true friend. A friend is someone who:

• Gives you sincere compliments
• Speaks positively about you to others
• Seems genuinely happy for your success
• Shows empathy when you're going through tough times

Be with those who accept you for who you are. True friendship isn’t based on superficial things. If someone wants to be your friend because of your car, your pool, or because you’re the popular person at school, they’re not a true friend. Real friends should be there for you because of who you are as a person. A true friend will:

• Never pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do.
• Not judge you for being honest.
• Not embarrass you, nor be ashamed of you.
• Act the same in front of you as they do behind your back.
• Not ask too much of you.

Keep friends who stand by you when you make mistakes. Friendship isn’t always about laughter and good times. True friends always want the best for you, especially when you make mistakes. It’s a delicate balance, as you need someone who accepts you, but they must also know when to help you up after a fall. A real friend will:

• Not agree with you just for the sake of peace.
• Not criticize you personally.
• Always wish the best for you.
• Understand your wants and needs.

Maintain relationships with people who listen to you. If someone seems distracted when they’re with you or appears to want to be somewhere else, socializing with others, that’s not a good sign. This can happen with old friends, those you’ve known for a long time, but sometimes something changes, and the connection isn’t the same anymore. A true friend is someone who:

• Keeps in touch even when things change between you.
• Values the friendship.
• Wants to hear about the details of your life.
• Remembers the conversations you've had together.

Spend time with those who make you feel comfortable. Friendship isn't always all sunshine and rainbows, but it shouldn't be filled with tension either. If you feel uneasy about hanging out with someone or if they seem reluctant to be with you, the friendship may not be healthy. A friend is someone who:

• Gets along easily with you.
• Makes you feel at ease.
• Doesn't add to your stress.
• Doesn’t exaggerate situations.

Keep friends who show tolerance. Unless you’re genuinely difficult to get along with, a true friend will forgive you when you make a mistake and sincerely apologize. Friends should be willing to overlook misunderstandings, flaws, and minor mistakes if they truly understand each other and care for one another. A friend will:

• Accept your apology.
• Forgive you when you don’t meet their expectations.
• Never demand that you be someone else other than yourself.
• Not bring up past mistakes.

Be a good friend. To have good friends, you must also be a good friend. It’s not enough to simply expect others to surround you, support you, and listen to you. If you haven’t reciprocated the kindness and compassion that are vital in friendship, read this list again and do for your friends all that you expect them to do for you. Only then can you confidently say that your friends are truly loyal, genuine, and long-lasting.