Buzz
Ignoring someone who has caused you distress can be tough, as it might intensify your pain. It becomes even harder when the person is someone you interact with daily at school, work, or family events. However, you can distance yourself from negative individuals, replacing them with optimistic and supportive people to maintain happiness and stability in your life.
Steps
Maintain Distance from That Person
Avoid places where you know the person will be. The simplest way to avoid someone is to minimize encounters altogether. You can reduce accidental meetings by steering clear of places you used to visit together or locations you know they frequent.
- Explore new restaurants, cafes, and bars outside the area where the person lives or works.
- Shop at stores far from their residence (if you know where they live).
- If a mutual friend invites you somewhere, ask if the person you’re avoiding will be there. Then, you can decide accordingly.
Limit communication with that person. Reducing interactions with someone is an effective way to ignore them without completely cutting them out of your life. Cutting ties entirely can be challenging, especially if you’re related or frequently cross paths. However, minimizing contact can help you feel better.
Keep conversations brief. Respond concisely and without emotion. Avoid elaborating or asking follow-up questions. Be polite but firm in showing disinterest in further conversation. Politely excuse yourself to end the interaction.
- Use phrases like, "I’m fine, but I need to get back to work" or "I have a meeting in a few minutes." Be polite yet assertive about needing to leave.
- Avoid rude or hurtful remarks. Vent to a trusted friend later, but remain calm and courteous with the person you’re avoiding.
Avoid any attempts at contact from that person. Whether you’re coworkers, share mutual friends, or frequently cross paths, decline any attempts to engage in conversation. Ignore them when they try to talk to you.
- Avoid eye contact. Maintaining eye contact is often seen as an invitation to converse. Avoiding it subtly signals disinterest.
- Ignore hurtful or passive-aggressive remarks. If they’re rude, either openly or subtly, refrain from reacting. Focus on your tasks or distract yourself to show they can’t affect you.
- Share your thoughts instead of engaging with theirs. If you must respond, express your own feelings using phrases like, "In my opinion..." or "Actually, I think..."
Bring a friend if you must interact with that person. If you can’t avoid encountering them at work or a social event, having a friend accompany you can help. They can act as a buffer, keeping the conversation appropriate and steering it toward neutral topics if the other person becomes difficult.
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Let your friend know what you need from them.Ensure they’re comfortable with this role to avoid feelings of being used or awkwardness later.
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Create subtle signalsso you can both excuse yourselves if needed.
Be polite to those you can’t avoid. If you can’t avoid certain people, maintaining politeness can help. Sometimes, a kind approach can reduce negative behavior from the person you’re trying to avoid.
- Stay calm by taking deep breaths, stretching, or sipping water. Distract yourself to diffuse negative energy.
- Say something polite instead of negative. If you’re tempted to be rude, challenge yourself to say something kind like, "Your presentation this week was great." This can ease tension.
- Excuse yourself if you can’t stay polite. If you’re struggling, leave quickly and politely to regain composure. Say, "I’m heading to lunch, excuse me."
- Don’t let negativity overwhelm you. Stay positive and strong, rising above their negativity by refusing to engage.
Stay strong and calm. If you’re trying to avoid someone, it’s likely because they’re negative or unpleasant. Such individuals often try (intentionally or not) to irritate you. They might call you names or attempt to discourage you. If you’ve decided to cut ties, it’s crucial to remain strong and not let them influence or change who you are.
- Even if you don’t feel calm or strong, believe that you can be. This creates a safe distance between you and negative people.
- Don’t let their words or behavior affect your self-esteem or lifestyle. Use positive affirmations to counter any negativity they bring.
- Remind yourself that you’re a good person, loved by friends and family. This means you possess qualities that some people deliberately overlook.
Stop electronic communication
Block the contact information of the person you dislike. If you want to cut ties, you can block their phone number to prevent calls or messages. This isn’t always necessary, but it’s an option if you want to ensure no contact.
- On an iPhone, find their name in your contacts and select "Block This Caller." To block messages, go to the message thread, select their name, then "Details," "Info," and "Block Contact."
- On Android devices, go to Call Settings, choose "Call Rejection," then "Auto Reject List." Add the number you want to block.
- On Windows phones, go to Settings, select "Call + SMS filter," and turn on "Block Calls." Press and hold the number you want to block, then select "Block Number" and confirm.
- For BlackBerry users, contact your service provider to block the number.
Cut ties on social media. Even if you avoid someone in person, they can still reach you through social media. If you’re friends or followers, they can track your activities and potentially harass or insult you via messages.
- If you’re connected, unfriend or unfollow them.You can also block them to prevent them from viewing your posts or contacting you.
- If you’re not connected, adjust your privacy settings so only friends can see your content.
Prevent them from emailing you. If the person you’re avoiding has your email address, you might worry about receiving aggressive messages. You can prevent this by blocking them or filtering their emails, depending on your email service.
- In Gmail, select an email from them, click the dropdown menu, choose "More," then "Filter messages like these," and select "Delete it."
- In Microsoft Outlook, right-click their email, select "Junk," then "Block Sender."
Maintain your own happiness
Learn to recognize what makes you unhappy. There will be times when you can’t avoid negative people. Whether they’re coworkers, relatives, or neighbors, you might still have to be around (or interact with) them. When this happens, it’s important to identify what bothers you, anticipate triggers, and avoid becoming upset.
- List the people, places, and things that make you feel unhappy, angry, or confused.
- Consider why these people, places, or things trigger negative reactions.
- Think about how these triggers appear in your daily life and create strategies to avoid or minimize such situations.
Avoid complaining about people you dislike. While venting might feel good, it can push others away. They might become friends with the person you dislike or grow tired of hearing you speak negatively. If you constantly complain, close friends and colleagues may start avoiding you.
- Instead of venting about someone you dislike, try not to mention them in conversations with others.
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Talk to others about positive things you enjoy.Otherwise, the person you dislike will consume too much of your time and energy.
Take responsibility for your words and actions. When you blame others for your negative behavior, you give them power over you and risk losing control. No matter how much someone upsets you,
you always have the choice to either dwell on it or let it go.
What you say or do, even if driven by anger, is ultimately your choice and responsibility.
- Change your mindset. Notice and acknowledge negative thoughts. Let them pass without allowing them to dominate your mind.
- Learn to ignore someone and move on. You can’t control others, but you can prevent them from affecting you. Stop wasting time and energy on them, and focus on what matters to you.
- You have the power to create a positive life. You’ll always encounter people you dislike, but you can control their influence. Take charge of your thoughts and actions, and focus on yourself, not them.
Surround yourself with optimistic people
Recognize and showcase your best qualities. Optimistic people often attract each other. If you want such individuals in your life, let them see your positivity. You can subtly do this by highlighting your finest traits.
- Reflect on what makes you optimistic. Do you often praise others or treat people with kindness?
- Engage in various activities not just to be noticed but to cultivate a positive lifestyle for yourself.
- Let your actions reflect who you are and how you live.
Identify and connect with positive people already in your life. Your acquaintances and friends might be strong, optimistic individuals. When distancing yourself from those you dislike, replace them with people you genuinely enjoy spending time with. Surrounding yourself with caring, positive individuals can make you a better person.
- Think about cheerful, optimistic friends, family, or colleagues. Consider the kindest, most thoughtful, or enthusiastic people you know.
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Reach out to them. Spend more time togetherand invite them to social events.
Meet and spend time with new friends. Beyond the kind people you already know, actively seek out and befriend others. Finding new friends with good qualities and enthusiasm ensures you’re surrounded by admirable, kind individuals, making you more likable.
- Find new groups in new places. Meet people at the gym, faith-based groups, or outdoor clubs like hiking groups—places where positive, kind people gather.
- Volunteer. Choose a program you enjoy. You’ll feel happy and meet passionate, like-minded individuals.
- Meet up. A quick lunch or coffee with new acquaintances can leave you feeling refreshed and joyful.
Tips
- If you run into someone at a store, pretend you didn’t see them. Change your pace, stop, or turn around. If they speak to you, say you’re in a hurry. If nothing works, staying silent is best.
- Just because someone is family doesn’t mean you must tolerate their negative behavior. If someone upsets or hurts you, you have the right to politely and respectfully avoid them.
- Don’t respond with rudeness or pettiness. It won’t fix what they’ve done and will only make you look bad.
Warnings
- If you decide to ignore someone for an extended period, be prepared for the possibility that you may never speak to them again.
- At some point, you might consider reconnecting to resolve conflicts. Keep in mind that this may not always go smoothly. However, if it’s someone you must interact with regularly (like family or coworkers), it’s worth attempting.
- If the person is a spouse/partner and they are abusive, ignoring them could escalate the situation. Seek professional help and remove yourself from the situation immediately!
