How to improve social skills

A healthy, happy, and fulfilling life is greatly influenced by strong social skills. These skills are crucial in almost every area of learning and work. Research has shown a positive link between social skills and mental health. Even if you consider yourself an introvert, this article from Mytour will provide practical tips on enhancing your social skills.

Be mindful of your tone and volume. Avoid speaking too softly or too loudly. Speak at a volume that is clear and confident but not aggressive.

• Adjust your volume to suit the surrounding environment.
• If possible, try to match your tone to the people around you.

Master the art of starting conversations appropriately. You can kick off a conversation by stating something generally recognized as truth or common knowledge. Comments about the weather or a current event you've heard about in the news recently can be good starters. Complimenting someone's outfit or hairstyle works too. However, small talk is not always easy as it can be challenging to think of the right words in the moment. Below are a few examples:

• "That hat looks great, where did you get it?"
• "I wonder why the weather is so strange today?"
• "The view from here is amazing."
• "Mr. Quế's class is quite fascinating, isn't it?"

Learn how to continue a conversation. After discussing general topics such as current events, you can try to steer the conversation to more personal or related subjects by asking deeper questions. Polite inquiries about family, occupation, or hobbies can enrich the conversation and make it more meaningful. Remember, a conversation involves two people, so avoid saying too little or, on the contrary, overwhelming the other person with too much. Aim to ask as many open-ended questions as possible; in other words, try using words like “how,” “why,” or “what” rather than questions that only prompt a simple “Yes” or “No,” which won’t encourage further discussion. Here are a few ways to keep the conversation going:

• "So, what do you do for a living?"
• "Tell me more about your family."
• "How did you meet the host of this party?"
• "How long have you been following this diet program?"
• "Any plans for the weekend?"

Avoid sensitive topics. There are certain subjects that should be avoided when interacting with someone you're not very familiar with. Generally, these are topics that can lead to controversy such as religion, politics, or ethnicity. For instance:

• Although you can ask someone about an upcoming election, asking them who they plan to vote for may be uncomfortable.
• You may inquire about someone's religion in a general way, but asking about the church's stance on gender issues might not be appropriate.

Politely end a conversation. Instead of abruptly ending a conversation and walking away, try to be polite. Gently inform the other person that you need to leave and express that you enjoyed the conversation. You might want to use positive phrases like:

• “I have to head out now, but I hope we’ll meet again soon.”
• "I have an appointment with the bank, so I need to go now. It was lovely talking to you."
• "I think you're busy, so I won't keep you. It was great talking to you."

Pay attention to body language. Our gestures often convey messages far more powerful than words. Keep in mind that body language plays a crucial role in social interactions. Be mindful and take time to reflect on the signals you send to others through your posture, eye contact, and facial expressions.

• If you avoid eye contact, stand far away, or cross your arms, others may interpret this as a lack of interest in connecting.
• Show a confident posture and smile more often, engage in eye contact with the person you're talking to, stand up straight, and relax your arms. These actions will surely create a positive impression on the person you're speaking with.

Observe how others behave in social situations. Pay close attention to their body language and try to understand why they communicate so effectively. Observe their posture, gestures, facial expressions, and eye contact. Think about how you could emulate them or improve your own body language when interacting.

• Find out how familiar the people you're observing are with each other. This is important because the body language between close friends is very different from how you'd interact with a total stranger, even in an everyday setting.
• Remember what you observe and take note of it. This practice will guide and help you become more aware of your own body language.

Improve non-verbal communication skills at home. Home is the best place to start learning something new since the familiar environment will make you feel at ease. You can try to replay your own communication style when interacting with family members and reflect on how you can improve your body language. You can also practice your gestures in front of a mirror; enlist the help of close family or friends for support. This method is effective as you'll receive honest and constructive feedback that you might not get elsewhere. Some other tips include: pulling your shoulders back, maintaining an upright posture, and keeping your chin parallel to the ground.

• One of the greatest advantages of practicing at home is the private and pressure-free environment.
• Don’t feel shy! It’s just you and the mirror! Feel free to try out different expressions and gestures.

Focus on keeping a genuine smile when you meet someone. Everyone knows that a smile is a great way to express openness and make others feel comfortable. Simply smiling when meeting people will make everything easier.

Practice eye contact. Try making eye contact more often once you feel comfortable with it. Avoid staring directly into someone’s eyes, especially if you're uncomfortable, as this can create unease. You should only look into their eyes for 3-5 seconds. As this becomes easier, eye contact will naturally become more effortless.

• If you're not sitting right next to someone, look at their ear or the space between their eyes. This simulates eye contact, and people won’t notice the difference.
• If you’re afraid of making eye contact, some psychologists recommend practicing with the TV. Turn on a news program and try looking into the eyes of the news anchor.

Take a little extra time to prepare before going out. You'll feel more confident in your appearance. Social situations become much easier when you take a bit more time to look presentable and feel assured. Make personal hygiene a habit, buy a few new outfits or a pair of shoes you love; looking good not only boosts your confidence but also makes you appear more approachable naturally.

Find places where people seem approachable. Striking up a conversation with a stranger in these settings tends to feel less risky and more accepted. Some situations are easier than others, especially when you're beginning to interact socially. Supermarkets or banks are not the best places to engage strangers (people go there to shop for groceries). In contrast, coffee shops, sporting events, and community centers are excellent places to start a conversation with interesting new people.

• To meet new people, consider joining groups such as an amateur sports club or a book club. A fitness class is also a great place to begin a chat.

Start small by talking to service workers as a way to practice. Ask how the staff is doing that day. Thank the mailman when they stop by or ask a coworker about their weekend plans. You don’t have to dive deep into the conversation right away. Start with short exchanges. Remember, greeting someone won’t hurt. There’s a low chance you’ll run into them again, and casual greetings are a great way to practice.

Choose someone who doesn’t seem indifferent or busy. Approach them with open body language and show that you’re interested in getting to know them. This is often a good opportunity to start a meaningful conversation.

• Be confident when approaching others. If you seem anxious, they’ll likely feel anxious too!
• Remember to put your phone away. Staring at your phone during a conversation will make people uncomfortable, and they’ll think you prefer your phone to talking with them!

Reflect on the conversation that just took place. If the conversation went well, take note of what you did right and aim to repeat it next time. If things didn’t go as smoothly, assess the situation to pinpoint what might not have worked.

• Did you approach someone who seemed busy or had closed-off body language?
• Was your own body language open and approachable?
• Did you start the conversation with an appropriate topic?

Engage in more conversations with others. Your social skills will improve through practice. The more you communicate and interact with people, the better you’ll become.

• Try not to let negative social interactions discourage you. Usually, such encounters are not your fault.

Join a support group. Support groups often provide a safe and comfortable environment where you can practice conversation skills. You’re not alone in wanting to improve your social interactions. Why not practice with people who share your goals? The fact that you want to enhance your social skills shows you’re open and willing to work with others. So, connect with people who have the same aim to receive support.

• For individuals dealing with social anxiety and mental health challenges that make communication difficult, recent studies have shown that group therapy focused on social skills training can be highly effective.
• If diagnosed with social anxiety, consider exploring group therapy opportunities within your community.
• Always aim to stay alert and speak politely. A friendly attitude is always appreciated.
• Invite others to join a group conversation; people will begin to notice positive changes in your behavior and gradually respect you more.
• Always maintain good manners and trust that respectful interactions can teach you a lot, especially when you strive to be a role model for others.
• Never forget that experience is the best teacher!

• Be cautious with physical contact. While some people may be open to touch and physical interaction, others might find it inappropriate or even uncomfortable. It’s best to build rapport first, then stick to light gestures like a pat on the back or a high-five.
• While drinking alcohol or using stimulants may temporarily boost your confidence, they won’t help you improve your social skills in the long run.
• Social skills are culturally relative. Remember that behaviors accepted in Western societies may not be welcomed elsewhere, especially in developing countries where people tend to be more reserved and hold different ethical values and beliefs.