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How to encourage a divorced man to invest in a relationship
If you're dating a man who has been through a divorce, you may wonder about his commitment level. Having experienced a serious relationship before, you might question how serious he is about your connection. Fortunately, there are numerous ways to open his heart to the idea of commitment once again. This guide provides insight into what might be going on in his mind, along with effective tips for encouraging him to invest in you.
Steps
Be lighthearted and spontaneous.
Show him that dating can be enjoyable again. He may be struggling with a pessimistic view of relationships. To help him shift his perspective, plan fun and engaging dates that focus on having a good time. Keep the pressure off the relationship’s future early on and enjoy each other's company. A divorced man might appreciate something playful at first. If you make him laugh and feel relaxed, he will likely want to see you again.
- Consider unique date ideas such as glow-in-the-dark bowling, brunching at a trendy spot, or exploring a new art exhibition.
- Don't worry too much about scheduling your next outing while you’re together. Just focus on enjoying the moment, and he’ll probably ask to meet up again.
Show him empathy and warmth.
Make him realize that you're a thoughtful and caring partner. Regardless of what happened in his previous marriage, he might be cautious and hesitant to open up again. Gently encourage him to trust you by showing tenderness and affection. Offer kind words, give him sincere compliments, and check in on his well-being. He'll feel supported by your care and begin to see you as someone more than just a casual companion.
- Boost his spirits with heartfelt compliments like, "That flannel really suits you. You look great."
- If he mentions having a rough day, show your concern with words like, "I'm sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it?" Even if he chooses not to, he'll value your understanding.
Take things slowly and build a deeper connection.
A divorced man likely won’t want to rush into a new relationship. Focus on exploring each other’s personalities and preferences during your dates. Discuss your hobbies, interests, and how you like to spend your time. Use these moments to try new activities together, allowing you to bond on a deeper level.
- Experts suggest that it’s wise for divorced individuals to wait a year before seriously dating again. If his divorce was recent, he may prefer to take things slow, which doesn’t mean he won’t eventually commit!
- Consider holding off on defining your relationship too early. Bringing up labels a few weeks to a month in may feel too soon for him.
Allow him time to connect with his family and friends.
A divorced man may need more time with his support network. Be understanding if he needs to spend extra time with his family, particularly if he has children. While it might be challenging, try not to let feelings of jealousy or frustration arise over his commitments to his family. By showing respect for his responsibilities and being easygoing, you’ll create a calm environment that helps him feel comfortable and see you in a positive light.
- It’s normal to feel a little jealous if you don’t feel like you’re his top priority. If he’s a divorced man with children, he may need to prioritize them due to a custody arrangement. Remember, this is nothing personal.
Keep thriving in your own life.
A person who is passionate about their life is extremely appealing to a divorced man. After a divorce, people tend to be more discerning about who they choose to commit to. Show him how remarkable you are by diving into your interests and making plans with your friends and family. This not only brings more enjoyment into your life but will also make you stand out.
- If you focus only on your relationship with him, it could create too much pressure. While it's natural to be head over heels for someone, make sure you still prioritize your own goals and passions.
- Consider pursuing a promotion at work, launching a side project you’ve always dreamed of, or organizing a fun getaway with your friends.
Be open and direct with him.
Avoid playing mind games with a divorced man. After his divorce, he’s likely to seek out someone he can trust. Playing games like waiting to text back, distancing yourself to make him chase you, or trying to stir jealousy will likely backfire. If you like him, be honest and transparent.
- Reply to his messages when it’s convenient for you and suggest dates when you want to spend time together.
Discuss his divorce when you feel the time is right.
Bringing it up can give you insight into his readiness for commitment. After you've been dating for a while, consider asking him about his previous relationship. It's important to gauge whether he has truly healed from the past and moved on from his ex. Frame the conversation with sensitivity and avoid bombarding him with too many questions, which could make him defensive.
- For example, you could say, "We’ve been seeing each other for a few months now, and I feel like we haven't really talked about your past. If you're comfortable, I’d like to know how you're feeling about it as time has passed."
- Signs that he hasn't moved on might include speaking negatively about his ex, showing bitterness about the divorce, or being emotionally closed off.
- If he says he’s moved on but still seems upset, you might gently suggest therapy. You could say, "That must have been really difficult. Have you considered talking to someone, like a therapist?"
Be clear about your desires and expectations.
Be upfront about what you're hoping for in the relationship. If your connection has been growing stronger over a few months, let him know that you’ve enjoyed your time together and are curious about where things are headed. Keep an open mind, as he may not be ready to move forward. Being honest about your feelings will allow the relationship to mature naturally, no matter what direction it takes.
- For example, you could say, "I’ve really enjoyed these past few months with you. I can see a future together and would love to discuss what that could look like."
- If you bring it up but he doesn’t seem interested in discussing it, it's likely he’s not ready for a serious commitment.
EXPERT ADVICE
John Keegan
Relationship Expert
Relationship Expert
Having clear expectations is crucial for a long-lasting relationship. Both you and your partner need to be aligned and have a mutual understanding of what commitment means in your relationship.
Watch out for potential red flags.
Some divorced men may not yet be ready for a new commitment, despite what they say. A man who isn't ready to dive into a new relationship might avoid expressing love after several months, refuse to define the relationship, or keep you distant from his personal life with friends and family. He may also not be ready to commit if he doesn't acknowledge his role in the divorce or remains fixated on his ex-partner.
- Pay attention to how he talks about his divorce and ex. If he blames them for the divorce, speaks negatively about them, or compares you to them, it could indicate unresolved issues he hasn't dealt with yet.
- If he's still emotionally attached to his past relationship, he might expect you to act like his ex or act out of fear that you'll treat him the same way. This behavior isn't fair to you and signals that he’s not yet ready to trust someone new.
- Notice if the relationship always seems to be on his terms—such as only making plans for late-night dates when you’d prefer to see him during the day, or if he frequently cancels or reschedules your dates.
- If these red flags are present, it could suggest that he’s not prepared to commit to the kind of relationship you're hoping for. It might be worth addressing the situation carefully. If he's not willing to change, you may need to reconsider the relationship's potential.
If you're not getting the commitment you deserve, it might be time to move on.
He might not be ready to commit, even if he has feelings for you. If you've put in the effort and he's only looking for something casual, it may be best to walk away from the relationship. Although it's tough, staying in a relationship with someone who can't meet your needs will only cause more hurt. Remind yourself that there are many people out there who will be eager to offer you the commitment you're seeking.
- If you choose to end things, do so kindly and respectfully to keep things amicable. You could say something like, "I've enjoyed our time together, but I believe we're looking for different things right now."
- Ending things on good terms may leave the door open in the future. Over time, he might realize he's ready to commit and reach out to you.
Always stay confident in who you are, regardless of the situation.
If he's not ready to commit, try not to take it to heart. Divorce can be a deeply traumatic experience, leaving people unsure of themselves or hesitant to trust again. Remind yourself that you are amazing, capable, and deserving of love, no matter his decision.
- When you start feeling low, replace any negative thoughts with empowering affirmations. You could try, "I am beautiful, smart, and attractive," or "I am a complete catch."
