How to Keep a Conversation Going

Pay attention to what the other person is saying by actively listening. A conversation is an exchange of ideas. However, these ideas should be interconnected. By attentively listening to the other person, you can retain key pieces of information that help keep the conversation moving forward.

Understand what the other person wants to say. Different people enjoy discussing different topics. Identifying what someone likes to talk about can turn a stiff conversation into an engaging one.

• Consider the information you know about the person. People enjoy talking about what they know. If you know any of the following about them, it can be a great starting point:
  • Their career or profession
  • Their hobbies or passions
  • Their family or friends
  • Their background or past
• Use what you know about the person to guide the conversation. For example, if you know they work in education, ask them about school violence, upcoming reforms, or their first teaching experience.

Stay updated on global events. When you run out of ideas, discussing current events can be a great way to keep the conversation going.

• For instance, you could say, "Did you know that even eggs can be faked? I read about it this morning and it made me worry about what we eat every day. What do you think?" This is a great way to grab attention and continue the dialogue.

Ensure your body language reflects the right message. People pay attention to both your words and your body language when you speak. In fact, according to Dr. Albert Mehrabian's 7%-38%-55% rule, what we say only accounts for 7% of whether we are liked, while body language accounts for 55%. Here are some tips to improve your body language:

• Avoid crossing your arms or legs, as it can make you seem arrogant.
• Maintain moderate eye contact without staring. Smiling and meeting someone's gaze is good, but staring too long can make them uncomfortable.
• Relax your shoulders. Tension in your body can show through your shoulders. If others notice your shoulders are tense, they might feel uneasy.
• Nod frequently and lean slightly toward them. Nodding shows attentiveness, while leaning forward indicates interest.
• Face the person and avoid fidgeting. Show your focus by standing directly opposite them and staying still.

Exude confidence. It’s no surprise that we are naturally drawn to confident people. It might seem unfair, but the truth is: people judge you based on your perceived confidence. If you are self-assured and interesting, others will be more forgiving if the conversation lulls or will make more effort to fill the silences.

Prepare for ineffective communication moments. This happens even in the smoothest conversations. You might accidentally say something inappropriate or simply run out of ideas. This is completely normal; don’t blame yourself for it.

• If it happens, smile and maintain eye contact. Reassure them through your body language that a conversational hiccup doesn’t mean you dislike them or want to stop. Let things flow naturally.

Ask thoughtful questions. Everyone enjoys talking about themselves. If you can find a topic that interests the other person, even a simple question can keep them talking for a while. Never underestimate someone’s desire to share about themselves.

• This is where listening truly shines. If you don’t grasp the key points of what they’ve said, it will be hard to use the information you’ve gathered to reference topics and ask follow-up questions.

Avoid yes/no questions. A yes/no question can kill a conversation because it allows the other person to respond quickly with minimal information. Instead, ask open-ended questions that encourage them to elaborate.

• For example, instead of asking, "Did you study abroad in 2016?" ask, "How was your experience studying abroad in 2016?" The second question gives them more to talk about.
• If you accidentally ask a yes/no question and they respond briefly, you can smile and follow up with, "Really? How was it?" Remember, everyone stumbles sometimes, but recovery isn’t difficult. Avoiding yes/no questions doesn’t mean you can never ask them (they’re incredibly convenient), but you should be ready to expand the conversation.

Never respond with just one word. Beyond being aware that yes/no questions aren’t ideal for keeping a conversation alive, you should also know that responding with a single word like "yes" or "maybe" can kill the conversation instantly. Instead, provide additional information when answering simple questions.

Infuse enthusiasm into the questions you ask others. It’s not about fake excitement or forcing yourself to sound interested. In fact, it’s not hard to do, and it makes the other person feel valued.

Divert attention from awkward moments by using humor to lighten the mood. Sometimes conversations hit a lull, and silence creeps in. Use humor to acknowledge it. The awkwardness becomes a shared topic, and suddenly, neither of you feels uncomfortable about it.

• Say something like, "I wasn’t planning to talk about the weather—I know we’re both tired of it. I’d rather hear about you." Then ask, "What’s been the biggest turning point for you in recent years?"

Don’t shy away from going deeper. While it can be challenging, many people enjoy deeper conversations because they feel more meaningful and satisfying. If you sense the other person wants more than small talk, don’t hesitate to ask thought-provoking questions.

• However, save deeper topics for later in the conversation. We don’t recommend diving into profound subjects right after introductions. A conversation is like a meal: you enjoy the main course and dessert after finishing the appetizer.