Buzz
There are times when you may really want to head out to a concert, a party, or to visit your crush without your parents being the wiser. If you ask for permission, they might ask too many questions or simply turn you down. Instead, you’ll have to stay discreet. To keep your whereabouts a secret, you need to be strategic with your timing, provide just enough information to avoid suspicion, and, most importantly, cover all your bases!
Steps
Covering Your Tracks
Be as truthful as possible. You’ll feel better, and the chances of being caught decrease if you reveal parts of the truth. For example, if you say you're heading out to eat with a friend, actually do that. Then, while you’re out, you can sneak in your other, more secretive plans on the way to or from the restaurant.
- To avoid suspicion, try to make sure your hidden destination is no more than 15 minutes away from where you’re supposed to be. Getting stuck far from home and having to explain yourself to your parents is much more stressful.
Disable the location tracking on your phone. If you and your parents share an app like Find My Friends, they’ll be able to track your whereabouts. Make sure you turn off location services before heading out on a covert mission, especially if you use such an app with them.
Don’t pick up the phone if there's background noise. If you're in a noisy environment that could give away your location, let your parents' call go to voicemail. Follow up with a text to explain why you couldn’t answer. This will reassure them without lying about your location.
- For example, send a message like: 'Sorry I missed your call! Jessie was telling me an important story, and I didn’t want to interrupt. Love you! I’ll call you soon!' This gives you time to move to a quieter spot to return the call, or even head home.
- If your parents are familiar with this tactic and start getting suspicious, try answering the call in a bathroom or a quiet hallway.
Don’t claim you’re indoors if you're actually outside or driving. If you’re calling your parents to say you’re back at your friend's house getting ready to sleep, make sure you’re indoors when you make the call. Background noises, like traffic or street sounds, might give you away. You don’t need to be exactly where you say you are, just ensure you're in a quiet, enclosed space.
- If you must call from a car while pretending to be at a house, remember to roll up the windows, turn off the radio, and pull over if possible. This will minimize any sounds like honking or the car’s motion that might raise suspicion.
Keep essentials in your car for a quick refresh. Carrying extra clothes, a toothbrush, a hairbrush, or some makeup in your car lets you freshen up before heading home. This way, you’ll look presentable if your parents unexpectedly see you.
- For instance, if you want to go out dancing in something your parents wouldn’t approve of, stash a pair of jeans and a hoodie in your car. You can change into them before returning home and hide the “party clothes” in your bag.
Be cautious with social media. Even if you’ve done everything right, a careless post from a friend on Facebook could blow your cover. Ask your friends not to tag you or share your location, and avoid posting anything about where you are if you want to keep it secret from your family. Remember, even if your parents aren’t on your social media, other family members or family friends might see your posts and inform them.
- If you want to post about your activities without your family knowing, create a private friends list that excludes family members. That way, you can choose to hide posts from them when you share something publicly.
Alleviating Your Parents’ Concerns and Doubts
Prepare in advance. Depending on how detailed your story is, some preparation may be necessary to avoid being caught. It's always best to keep the story simple, like 'we’re going to the mall' or 'I’m staying after school to study with Nicholas!' Whatever your story is, make sure it checks out, even if your parents decide to fact-check.
- For example, ensure that the mall is open when you say you’ll be there, and avoid claiming you’re at a friend’s house if your parents know that friend’s parents well enough to call.
Demonstrate that you are a responsible driver. Take your parents for a ride to show them that you can drive safely. This could help ease their worries and make them more relaxed when you're out driving on your own.
- If you don’t drive, this step won’t apply to you. However, if a friend is picking you up, have them meet you somewhere other than your house, like at school or the end of your block.
Prove that you’re capable of making smart decisions. While some parents will always be strict, others just need to see that you’re making responsible choices. You can build trust with your parents by sticking to curfew, completing your chores, earning good grades, and introducing your friends to them.
- Another way to foster trust is by having open conversations with your parents about personal topics, such as a crush or issues with a friend. This can bring you closer and might grant you more freedom.
- If you’re aware that your parents won’t like a particular friend, introducing them might backfire. Use your discretion to determine whether introducing a friend would help or hurt your trust-building efforts.
Stay in regular contact with your parents. Call your parents to check in when you arrive at a location they’re aware of. This will reassure them and help build trust. Let them know you’ll also call when you’re heading home. Avoid calling them while you’re at a place where you shouldn’t be to avoid lying outright, and to prevent them from hearing any background noises that don’t match your claimed location.
- Give your parents an estimated return time, and be prepared to explain why you’ll be out longer than expected. For example, you could say, 'Mike and I are getting dinner. It might take a few hours because he’s going through something tough and needs to talk. Is it okay if I get home by ______? I’ll call you when I’m on my way.'
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Keep in mind that, while your parents might seem unreasonable or overly controlling, their rules are likely meant to protect you. Try to understand the reasons behind their rules, and follow them if possible.
Important Notes
- Keep in mind that lying can create unnecessary stress for both you and your parents. This becomes even more challenging if you tell several lies or lie about big things, like staying out all night or the entire weekend. Think carefully about the potential consequences before deciding to lie to your parents, and weigh if it’s really worth it.
- If your parents catch you in a lie, they may lose trust in you and become even stricter in the future.
- If you blame a friend for something you did and get caught, be aware that your parents may never trust that friend again. Think twice before involving others in your secret plans.
- If you plan on drinking or using drugs while out, understand that both alcohol and drugs impair your brain’s ability to communicate with your body, making you slower to react and putting you in danger. Never drive if you’ve been drinking or using drugs. It's safer for you, others on the road, and it will prevent potential legal issues. Plus, it will spare your parents from the heartbreak of losing you.
