Buzz
You've finally perfected your "look," and you're about to share a passionate kiss, but you feel unsure and need help right away. We are here to guide you through everything you need to know to answer the questions of who, what, when, where, why, and how to kiss. Get ready to give that special someone a fiery kiss!
Steps
The Beginning of a Kiss
Hint to your partner that you're ready for a kiss. You can subtly signal that you're preparing for a kiss without being too obvious or talking about it. Here are some effective ways to give hints:
- Accidentally let your partner notice you glancing at their lips.
- Avoid pressing your lips together. Keep them slightly parted – not so wide that you can easily breathe through your mouth, just enough to comfortably bite your bottom lip.
- Make your lips attractive. Use lip balm or gloss to soften cracked lips, and keep your breath fresh with mints or mouth spray. Avoid gum since you’ll need to discard it if your partner is ready for a kiss.
Breaking the barrier of a kiss (optional). If you're feeling brave, test your partner's reaction by giving them a light kiss on the hand or cheek. If they seem receptive, you can proceed with a kiss on the lips.
- If you're kissing a girl: Gently take her hand and slowly raise it towards your lips. Softly place your lips on the back of her hand for about 2 or 3 seconds.
- If you're kissing a guy: Lean in and give him a brief kiss on the cheek for about 2-3 seconds. Keep your lips soft and avoid pouting like you might do with family. To hint more clearly at your intentions, kiss him near the area closest to his lips.
Set the mood with romantic compliments. Give your partner your most sincere compliments. If done right, your partner may lean in to kiss you.
- Compliment intimately. Lower your voice a little and gaze into your partner's eyes. This not only shows your deep feelings but also encourages them to move closer to hear you better.
- Focus on your partner's captivating qualities. Even if you genuinely think the person you're dating is a great baseball player, now is not the time to talk about that. Instead, praise their wonderful qualities. Here are some suggestions you can use:
- "You are SO beautiful."
- "Your eyes drive me crazy."
- "I really love the way you smile."
- "You wouldn’t believe how lucky I feel to be with you right now."
If none of the above methods work, directly express your intention. If your date doesn't understand your subtle signals and you’re eager to kiss them, you can openly ask if you can kiss them. And don’t worry too much – you can be direct while still maintaining a romantic and charming vibe. Use these lines if you're unsure how to express yourself:
- "Right now, there's nothing I want more than to kiss you."
- "I'm sorry if what I'm about to say is too blunt, but I really want to kiss you."
- "The urge to kiss you is clenching my heart."
Kiss. After all the foreplay, why wait any longer – close your eyes, lean in, and kiss! The next part of this article will cover various kissing techniques and how to kiss in different dating scenarios, such as on a first date or after a date.
Kissing Techniques
Keep your lips soft and supple. Pouting is reserved for family or those you feel obligated to kiss, but parting your lips slightly helps create an open, inviting atmosphere with your partner.
Give them a few gentle kisses. Start with soft, tender kisses, avoiding the use of your tongue and teeth – at least for now. If your partner seems receptive, you can move on to a French kiss.
- Avoid making loud kissing sounds. This can be distracting and break the mood. If you notice your kisses are too noisy, slow down and part your lips a little more.
- Keep the kisses light. Avoid being too passionate at this stage. A gentle kiss allows your partner to stop if they feel uncomfortable and lets you gauge their enthusiasm.
Be cautious with saliva. Avoid overly wet kisses. Keep this in check by swallowing any excess saliva. If you notice your lips are too moist, discreetly turn away and press your lips together to remove any excess.
"Lock lips". If the initial kisses have gone smoothly, try locking lips with your partner. This opens the door to more intimate kisses (and eventually to a French kiss). To do this, align your lips as follows:
- Your bottom lip
- Your partner's bottom lip
- Your top lip
- Your partner's top lip
- The safest approach is to place your partner's bottom lip between your lips, as most people have a fuller bottom lip, making it easier to gently enclose it between yours.
Remember to breathe. Ideally, breathe gently through your nose while kissing. If that’s not possible, take brief breaks to catch your breath during the kiss.
- Don’t worry if you feel out of breath and need a few seconds to rest. Breathing quickly shows excitement and nervousness, which can make your partner feel even more delighted.
Make use of your hands. Don’t let your hands hang loosely like spaghetti – use them!
- Place your hand gently on your partner’s shoulder or wrap your arms around their waist. (In Western culture, women often place their hands on a man’s shoulder, while men place their hands on a woman’s waist.)
- Increase intimacy by pulling your partner closer to you.
- Place your hands on either side of their face, caressing their cheek with your fingertips, or gently lifting their chin with one hand.
- A sensual move is to wrap your hands around their head and gently twist or pull their hair.
Try using your tongue. When you’ve locked lips with your partner’s lower lip, gently place the tip of your tongue on their lips. If you can move your tongue slowly along their lips, even better.
- Pay attention to your partner’s response. If they press their lips closer to yours or reciprocate your gesture, you can increase the intensity of the kiss. If they pull back, it might be best to stop using your tongue and just focus on simple kissing.
Try a French kiss (optional). In Western culture, a kiss that involves the tongue is called a French kiss. Why do the French get the credit for this kiss? No one really knows! Here’s how you can begin:
- Swipe your tongue along their lower lip. Start slowly and gently, increasing speed and pressure only if they respond enthusiastically.
- Move your tongue inside their mouth and gently explore the tip of their tongue. Use quick, light movements and keep the tongue moving – leaving it stagnant in their mouth isn’t very exciting and will likely bring the kiss to a quick end.
- Try going deeper and kissing more passionately if your partner responds eagerly.
Mix up your kissing styles. Don’t rely solely on tongue kissing. Combine gentle and intense kisses, slow and fast, deep and shallow. You can stick to simple kisses for a few minutes.
- By varying your techniques, you keep your partner guessing and ensure that the kiss remains fresh and spontaneous.
Gently "love bite" your partner’s lips (optional). Teeth aren’t a necessity when kissing, but using them to gently nibble on your partner’s lips can add an element of surprise. Here are some tips for you:
- Use as little pressure as possible. Remember, you want to nibble affectionately, not bite hard.
- Move slowly. Maintaining a gentle pace helps avoid accidentally “chewing” your partner’s lips.
- When you’ve locked lips, place your teeth on their lower lip and gently move back until your teeth are near the edge of their lips. Pause for a few seconds, then continue kissing normally.
- Don’t overdo this technique. A love bite should be an occasional surprise, not the main focus of your kiss.
- Be prepared for rejection. Not everyone likes their partner to use teeth while kissing. If they don’t enjoy this, don’t take offense – it’s just a matter of personal preference, not a flaw in your kissing technique.
Increase the intensity after breaks in the kiss. Pause briefly to gaze into their eyes, whisper something into their ear, or simply take a moment to breathe and savor the moment.
- Instead of ruining the moment, these pauses actually make the kiss feel more intimate. They let your partner know that you kiss because you truly cherish who they are, not just because you want to kiss.
Give Your First Kiss
Choose a trustworthy partner. Kissing someone you trust can reduce the anxiety of kissing for the first time. If you realize you're giving someone their first kiss, you'll be more patient and empathetic, so choose someone with the same mindset.
- Remember, a clumsy first kiss won’t end your relationship (or the world). In fact, it can strengthen the bond through shared experience. As long as you can laugh about it later, there’s nothing to worry about.
- Don’t forget that everyone has gone through their first kiss. Many people have had a more awkward first kiss than yours, and you wouldn’t even know about it.
Maintain good oral hygiene. Use lip balm or gloss to soften dry lips, and remember to brush your teeth and tongue. If your breath smells a bit off, use mint candy or a mouth spray to freshen it up.
- If you’re confident that your mouth is fresh and inviting, you’ll feel much more confident about kissing.
- However, this doesn’t mean you have to be overly clean. Most people’s mouths have a “natural warmth,” unless you’ve just eaten something spicy (like onion or garlic) or just woke up.
Don't rush. You only get one first kiss! Unless both of you are overwhelmed by the desire to kiss right now or the world might end, take your time. It can be fun and sensual to tease your partner a bit before kissing, just make sure to keep looking into their eyes.
Let your partner lead when kissing (optional). If you're nervous about not knowing the right techniques for kissing, allow your partner to take the lead. Then, you can mimic the actions they’ve made until you feel comfortable enough to introduce your own moves.
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage and Family Therapist
Marriage and Family Therapist
How to subtly hint? Moshe Ratson, a relationship expert, suggests: "To show someone you want to kiss them, try lowering your voice and gently leaning towards them while talking. You can whisper in their ear. Get closer to them than usual. Also, mimic their gestures."
Take calculated risks. Once you're comfortable with kissing, take the initiative and try out new techniques. If your partner isn't into it, simply consider it a personal experience and try something different next time.
Kissing After Dating
Get closer. As the moment to share a farewell kiss approaches – and assuming that is your desire – it's best to position yourself in a way that brings you closer to your partner. Otherwise, you might end up saying goodbye with a sense of distance between you, making the kiss feel awkward and forced.
- For guys, this is the moment when you might receive a dreaded cheek kiss, followed by the phrase 'You remind me of my brother' to end a dull date. When escorting your partner to their car or door, place your hand (or your jacket) on their shoulder or back. This action breaks the barrier of physical distance, subtly communicates your intentions, and gives you an excuse to remain close to them.
Observe your partner's reaction. If your date leans away from you or walks faster to create distance, don't try to force a goodbye kiss – and don't let your ego take control. Simply smile, thank them for the wonderful time, and move on with your day. They might not be ready for a kiss.
Look into their eyes. Gazing into your partner's eyes while standing close is a common sign that you're about to share a kiss at the end of your date.
- If you've been staring into their eyes for too long, look away for a moment and then repeat the action if needed; it's better to glance around than to stare at them as if you're interrogating them. A good way to stop staring into their eyes while maintaining the romance is to glance at their lips.
- If it's difficult for you to express your intentions clearly, remember that by giving subtle cues, you can help your partner understand your desires, making the kiss more natural and increasing the chances of a passionate kiss. On the other hand, if you kiss suddenly, you may end up colliding with their teeth or nose and have to pull away awkwardly, which only increases the discomfort.
Stop talking. When people are nervous, they often try to fill the silence with any topic, which reduces the chance for a kiss to happen.
- Although you shouldn't abruptly end the conversation, especially when you're trying to finish your goodbye, don't encourage them to ramble on excessively.
- If they talk too much, gently wrap up the conversation by staying friendly, but not overly engaging with their stories.
Consider breaking the kiss barrier. If things are going smoothly but you're still not quite ready for a romantic kiss, lean in and offer a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
- Don't confuse this type of kiss with a casual air kiss on the cheek; express your feelings more clearly by kissing near their ear or mouth and holding your lips there for a few seconds, or touch your lips to their ear and whisper something flirtatious. This will signal to your partner that your kiss isn't just a friendly gesture.
Keep it simple. If this is your first kiss with your partner – or just as importantly, your first date – it's best not to rush things. Gently part your lips slightly and offer a simple peck or take a chance with a more intimate kiss.
- Resist the temptation to kiss passionately or use your tongue unless you've been pursuing this person for a while. Such kisses can be overly forward and may risk future kissing opportunities with them.
Follow your date's lead. Pay attention to your partner's reactions and movements while kissing. If they pull you in closer or hesitate, consider shifting to a more romantic kiss. On the other hand, if things feel right to end the kiss, slowly pull back, make eye contact, and smile.
Casual Kisses
Pucker up. Puckering your lips helps keep your mouth closed, signaling that you don't want to kiss more intimately. Most people will recognize puckering as a sign of a casual kiss.
- To check if you're puckering correctly, try giving an air kiss. How loud is the kiss sound? It should be clear, like a "smack" as your lips part slightly to take in air. A more passionate kiss rarely makes such a sound, as your lips are much more relaxed during the kiss.
Make your intentions clear. If you want to kiss someone on the cheek and you're worried they might misunderstand your intentions, make it clear that you're not aiming for a kiss on the lips by tilting your head before leaning in. Aim for the center of their cheek to avoid veering into more intimate areas like their ear or mouth.
- If you feel uncomfortable kissing their skin directly, you can air kiss instead. Lean in so your cheek touches theirs, then kiss the air with quick, loud pecks. To add a bit more flair, step back, switch sides, and repeat.
Keep it brief and simple. The amount of time your lips touch someone's cheek or lips should be just enough to make the sound as described earlier – no more, no less. If your lips linger for too long, the kiss will no longer feel casual.
Show respect or admiration while kissing. Bend down or kneel before them. Gaze up at them with a respectful demeanor. Maintain this posture as you kiss them. Politely take their hand and bring it up toward your lips.
Advice
- Enjoy the moment. You can’t deliver an amazing kiss if your mind is somewhere else. For example, when kissing, avoid thinking things like "What is she/he thinking?" or "Do I look good tonight?" or any other distractions. Don’t focus too much on yourself or entertain any thoughts besides the kiss. Instead, focus on the sensation when your lips meet theirs.
- If the kiss isn’t what you hoped for, you can browse more articles in our category to discover ways to solve common issues people often face while kissing.
Warning
- It's important to understand that kissing, especially passionate kissing, can transmit infectious viruses, such as the herpes simplex virus (the one that causes cold sores around the mouth) or the virus responsible for infectious mononucleosis.
