Buzz
Seeing another girl flirt with your boyfriend can be emotionally difficult and uncomfortable. She might laugh too loudly at his jokes, touch him in a way that's overly familiar, or flirt with him openly in public. It’s hard to figure out how to react in this situation, as you don’t want to wrongly accuse anyone of infidelity, but at the same time, you're hurt by their actions. This guide will help you determine if she's really trying to steal your boyfriend. You can also take steps to ensure you feel secure and cherished in your relationship. Keep reading to learn the signs starting from step one below.
Steps
Evaluating Her Actions
Observe how she flirts. Just because she flirts with your boyfriend doesn’t automatically mean she's trying to steal him. She may flirt with him to boost her own confidence or because she wants to be friends with him. Does she flirt with everyone, or is it just your boyfriend? If she's generally flirtatious, it's unlikely he's the only target. However, if she’s making an effort to flirt with him specifically, it’s possible she has feelings for him. Here are some signs of flirtatious behavior to look out for:
- She touches him often, such as placing her hand on his arm.
- She makes frequent eye contact with him.
- She laughs at all his jokes.
- She positions herself so that she faces him.
- She starts conversations with him.
Watch if she tries to be alone with him. If she actively seeks alone time with your boyfriend, it suggests that her flirting is more than just about boosting her social status or self-confidence. Pay attention to when they’re alone together. Watch for these signs:
- She invites him to do things just the two of them, like going to the movies or having lunch at a café.
- She asks for favors that involve him going somewhere with her alone, like changing a lightbulb.
- She asks him to take walks with her.
- If he mentions doing something, like getting a glass of water in another room, she invites herself to join him.
Notice if she frequently calls or texts him. Is your boyfriend acting secretive when texting her? Does she text or call him more often than a friend would? While frequent communication doesn't necessarily mean she wants something more, it can be a warning sign.
- If you notice your boyfriend texting someone regularly, ask him who it is. If he acts evasive or defensive, it could be her.
- Checking your boyfriend’s texts might feel like an invasion of privacy. If he seems to be hiding something, talk to him about trust issues.
Managing Jealousy
Own your jealousy. Acknowledging your feelings of jealousy is the first step to dealing with them. Allow yourself to experience the jealousy for a while. In small amounts, jealousy can be healthy in a relationship because it indicates you care about exclusivity. However, don’t let jealousy take over. Label it as jealousy and work on separating it from other aspects of your life.
Understand that jealous feelings don’t require action. Remember, jealousy is just an emotion. Recognize that your thoughts and reality might not always align. Accept jealousy as a feeling without assuming it reflects what’s actually happening. Keep these emotions separate from your love for your boyfriend and the relationship itself.
Reflect on your own positive qualities. Take a moment each day to jot down three things you appreciate about yourself. For every negative thought you have, balance it with a positive one. By boosting your self-esteem and focusing on what makes you great, you'll be reminded that you're an amazing person to be with.
Sharing Your Emotions with Your Boyfriend
Create a list of your discomforts. Think about what exactly is making you feel uneasy in this situation. Is it that you feel like your boyfriend is giving her more attention than you? Do you wish he would spend more one-on-one time with you instead of hanging out with his friends? Try to clearly identify what makes you uncomfortable. Some examples could be:
- The girl touches your boyfriend in ways you find inappropriate.
- On weekends, he spends more time with her than with you.
- He texts or calls her while you’re having quality time together.
- They flirt openly in front of you.
Give it a day. Allow yourself some time to cool down and let your emotions settle. Take a step back to reflect on whether the points you’ve written really bother you. Look at your list again the next day and make any adjustments if necessary.
Have a conversation with your boyfriend in a calm and quiet space. Set aside a time when it's just the two of you to talk. Don’t bring up the issue when you're feeling upset. Instead, approach the discussion when both of you are feeling calm and level-headed.
Here are some conversation starters to consider:
- “I’ve noticed that you’ve been spending more time with her lately, and it’s making me feel a bit insecure.”
- “I’m glad you’re happy with your friendship with her, but sometimes the way she interacts with you makes me uncomfortable.”
- “I’m happy with us, but I think there are ways we can make me feel more valued and respected in our relationship.”
Establish clear boundaries in your relationship. Every couple has their own “rules” — what one couple might see as inappropriate, like going to the movies with another girl, could be okay for another couple. Openly discussing your expectations is vital to understanding each other’s boundaries. Be specific about your needs — your boyfriend may not realize his friendship with this other girl is upsetting you.
- Clearly define your expectations with your boyfriend. For example, "I don’t expect you to cut ties with your friends, but I would appreciate it if you focused on me when we’re together, not texting her."
- Avoid vague or manipulative boundaries. Instead of saying, “I want more time with you,” try saying, “Can we have a date night, just the two of us?”
- Make sure he knows what’s acceptable and what’s not. If you’re uncomfortable with him giving another girl a back massage, tell him that it doesn’t sit well with you.
- Listen to his perspective and be open to his boundaries as well.
Express yourself using “I” statements. Share your concerns about your boyfriend’s relationship with the other girl calmly. Avoid accusing him of anything and focus on ways to improve your relationship. Use specific requests for how you would like him to change his behavior. Here are a few examples:
- “I feel uncomfortable when you go to the movies alone with her on Friday nights. I would prefer to join you, or for you to go with other people as well.”
- “I feel hurt when we’re spending time together, but you’re texting her and laughing at your private jokes.”
End on a positive note. Conclude your conversation with a compliment or a gesture of affection. Working through challenges in your relationship is a step in the right direction. Here are some good ways to compliment him:
- “I really enjoy our quality time together.”
- “I appreciate how you listen to me when I’m dealing with something.”
- “You make me feel supported and happy.”
Building a Stronger Relationship
Try new activities together. Experiencing new things as a couple can bring you closer and create lasting memories. Here are some fun ideas you can do together:
- Join a Zumba class.
- Cook an elaborate meal as a team.
- Spend a weekend in a new destination.
- Drive to a beautiful hiking spot a few hours away.
- Learn how to surf.
- Volunteer at an animal shelter.
- Take a photography class together.
Set aside “quality time” every week. Choose a time, no matter how long or short, where both of you focus solely on each other. Whether you cook a meal together, watch a movie, or simply talk about your day at work or school, dedicating time to one another is essential for strengthening your relationship.
Ask meaningful questions. Make your partner feel cherished and valued. Effective communication is the foundation of a great relationship. Here are some thoughtful questions that will spark productive conversations:
- "How can I assist you today?"
- "What do you love most about our relationship?"
- "What small things can I do to show you I care?"
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Avoid focusing too much on the girl you think might be trying to steal your boyfriend. The issue here is the strength of your relationship, not just her behavior.
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Be respectful and considerate to both your boyfriend and the girl who may be trying to win his attention. Even though their actions might frustrate you, it’s important not to react impulsively.
The advice offered in this section comes from the personal experiences of Mytour readers just like you. If you have a helpful tip you'd like to contribute to Mytour, feel free to share it in the field below.
- Even if you're feeling uncertain, stay true to the amazing person he fell for. Don't let fear or anxiety make you act differently. If you sense any flirting from her, let him know how you feel and discuss it together. If he’s the one flirting with her, you might need to reconsider your relationship or talk to him about your worries.
- Find out if she and your boyfriend have been out before. If they have and she still has feelings for him, she might try to win him back when she sees you're together.
- Listen when she's with her friends and see if she brings him up. Also, pay attention when she talks to your boyfriend and see if they share common interests.
- Own your feelings. It’s perfectly okay to feel jealous! Be honest about your emotions and discuss your concerns with him openly.
Important Notes
- If your boyfriend admits to being unfaithful, it might be time to reassess whether continuing the relationship is the right decision for you.
- If your boyfriend is dismissive or disrespectful when you voice your concerns, it may be necessary to reconsider the health and happiness of your relationship.
