How to Know if He's the One for You

Recognize that you feel like a Wonder Woman when you're with him. He makes you feel like a superhero. You’ll find yourself capable of being anyone and doing anything when you're around him. You won't fear life's challenges because he boosts your confidence, making you believe you're strong enough to overcome them. When you're with him, you feel like you could carry the world on your shoulders and win the battle.

Chắc chắn rằng bạn cảm thấy thoải mái khi là chính mình trước mặt chàng. Là chính mình không chỉ dừng lại ở “phiên bản khờ khạo” của bạn, thứ mà chỉ bạn bè thân thiết hay gia đình của bạn được biết; mà nó còn là việc để chàng thấy những khuyết điểm của bạn, dù là lúc không trang điểm, sau buổi tập thể dục đẫm mồ hôi, khi bạn sợ hãi, hay khi bạn khóc.

Chắc chắn rằng bạn không cảm thấy xấu hổ khi ở cạnh chàng. Bạn có thấy cần phải giấu diếm điều gì khi ở cạnh chàng không? Nếu bạn cảm thấy cần phải che giấu điều gì về bản thân hay cuộc sống của bạn, có lẽ chàng không phải là một nửa của bạn. Chàng sẽ yêu bạn bất chấp tất cả, và nếu bạn lo lắng rằng chàng sẽ đánh giá đôi chân hơi nhiều lông vào mùa đông của bạn, có thể chàng không phải là một nửa phù hợp.

• Dĩ nhiên, điều đó không có nghĩa là không có bất kỳ sự khác biệt nào giữa hai bạn! Sự khác biệt về quan điểm và ý tưởng sẽ luôn xuất hiện, bất kể hai bạn có yêu nhau nhiều cỡ nào. Sự giống nhau vô điều kiện không phải là chìa khóa quyết định, mà quan trọng là sự cam kết vượt quá mọi xung đột theo cách lành mạnh và tôn trọng.

Xem xét mức độ thường xuyên bạn nghĩ về các kế hoạch tương lai. Bạn đã bao giờ tưởng tượng rằng hai bạn sẽ quây quần bên nhau vào những ngày sinh nhật hay kỳ nghỉ xa xôi nào đó chưa? Bạn đã từng mơ mộng về một căn hộ, ngôi nhà, thú nuôi hay thậm chí là những đứa trẻ mà một ngày nào đó các bạn sẽ có chưa?

Để ý khi chàng nói “Anh yêu em”. Sẽ thật tuyệt khi chàng nói “Anh cũng yêu em” sau khi bạn nói lời yêu, nhưng quan trọng là bạn không phải người duy nhất nói lời yêu thương trước nửa kia. Đôi khi chàng cũng cần phải nói điều đó trước. Hành động này thể hiện rằng chàng suy nghĩ đến sự quan tâm mà chàng dành cho bạn, và chàng không chỉ đơn thuần nói những điều quy chuẩn mà chàng cho là bạn đang mong đợi.

• Mặc dù vậy, cũng đừng quá lo lắng nếu chàng không làm điều đó. Một số chàng trai thường ngại chia sẻ về cảm xúc của họ. Hãy hỏi chàng vì sao chàng không bao giờ nói lời yêu trước, và nói rằng bạn rất thích nghe những lời yêu thương. Điều này có thể khiến chàng thoải mái hơn khi nói yêu bạn.

Make sure he doesn't pressure you into intimacy before you're ready. Someone who wants to enjoy your body before your heart is ready clearly doesn’t care about your needs. (And if he's blinded by sexual desires, he won’t resist temptation when it comes to promises of a home or building a family.)

• Keep in mind the importance of balance. Neither of you should ignore each other’s needs. While being considerate of his, you also need to ensure he understands how to take care of your needs too.

Be cautious if he's trying to control you. If he often makes you do this or that, tries to control your life, or manipulates your emotions to get what he wants, beware! This guy is insecure and feels the need to control the relationship. Your true partner should feel confident enough to let you be yourself when you're together.

Pay attention if he's preventing you from getting close to his friends. If he refuses to let you join in his social plans or avoids talking about what he and his friends did the night before, it’s clear that he doesn’t want you in his life, or worse, he might be hiding something behind your back.

Notice if he hints at a future together. If your relationship isn’t at a stage where you can openly discuss future possibilities, watch for subtle hints or suggestions. Even a small remark, like wondering what you two will do at an event a month or two down the road, can be a good sign.

• If he proposes too early (for example, within a year), take time to analyze why he’s rushing. If you’re inclined to say yes, suggest a longer engagement period to be sure.
• If he never brings up your future together—even after a long time (say, a year)—he may not even be considering it.

Pay attention to whether you naturally remember his birthday, your anniversary, and other important dates for him. This is a way to determine if he truly matters to you even when he's not around. It's one thing to create space for someone in your life, but creating space for him in your mind is an entirely different matter.

Notice if you compliment him even when he's not looking his best. Do you still feel attracted to him even when there's food on his teeth or his hair is flat from wearing a helmet? Or does your level of attraction depend on how well-groomed he is for you?

Observe whether you're interested in including him in your life. Wanting to praise him in front of your friends and making him part of your family’s life clearly shows confidence. In other words, if you’re unsure about a relationship, you may subconsciously avoid introducing or talking about him.

• Do you include him in family plans, like inviting him to join your family vacation (or even assume he’ll come along without an official invitation)?
• Do you want to help him get along with his family (or defend him) because it matters to you that they like you?
• Have you ever suggested he call your mom for advice on cooking, cleaning, etc.?

Notice how you both influence each other’s change. As humans, we often change when we spend a lot of time with someone, especially someone we deeply care about. Sometimes we improve each other, but other times, we might change in a negative way. You need to decide whether you're having a positive impact on him and whether he's positively influencing you.

• Do you notice one of you becoming possessive, jealous, untrusting, lazy, or constantly stressed? That's likely not the person you want to be with. They might not be right for you, and you wouldn’t like the person you become with them.
• Do you feel inspired by each other to grow better? Are you striving more in life and for yourself when you're with him? And is he doing the same? Do you help each other become better and happier? That’s a healthy relationship, where both lives improve positively through each other.

Reflect on his lifestyle. Does it align with your hopes for the future? Does he share similar values with you? For instance, if you recycle but he throws trash out the car window, how far can this relationship go?

Pay attention to how you both express affection. Is he comfortable letting you see his vulnerable side? Do you openly express your love, even using phrases like "I love you so much" or starting a playful game like "I love you more"?

• Look for discrepancies between what’s said and what’s communicated. We can often be blind to someone’s sweet words about love, failing to notice whether they’re backing up their words with actions. Likewise, we might get upset over someone’s lack of sweet talk, ignoring the kind gestures and affection they show instead. Think about whether either of you falls into these scenarios.

Observe how comfortable you both feel sharing space together. People often say that living together is a true test of compatibility. A relationship that only takes place in restaurants or parks might seem all roses and champagne, but when it comes to sharing chores, seeing the other person shave, or dealing with piles of dirty laundry, illusions are quickly shattered. If you live together, do you both compromise on shared and individual responsibilities? If not, have you at least exchanged keys to each other’s places? If you’ve done that, how comfortable do you both feel with it?

Ask yourself if you feel a comfortable balance when spending time with him and being apart. Having separate interests can make a relationship more interesting and help maintain healthy independence. If this relationship is heading in the right direction, you will feel comfortable and secure even when you're not together.

• Build a strong friendship with each other to establish a healthy relationship. It's essential that both of you listen to each other and compromise without arguing excessively.
• Understand your partner even when he's at his worst. If you can accept this as part of the relationship, he might be the right one for you. However, don't enter a relationship thinking you can change his personality, as that will only cause tension and discord between you two.
• If he talks about you to his friends, that's a positive sign. It means he’s not ashamed of you and may even be proud of you. But if he keeps the relationship a secret, he might not be the one for you.
• Trust your intuition above all else. Pay attention to how you feel and the reasons behind those emotions. Are you rushing things? Or is something holding you back?
• Be patient. Don't let him pressure you into physical intimacy. If he doesn't respect that, the relationship may spiral out of control.
• Observe how he behaves with his family, including his parents and siblings. Does he treat them with respect and affection? Watch how he interacts with his father, does he honor his father's choices? How does he treat the women in his life?
• Don’t give him all your attention. If he demands constant attention from you and becomes upset or clingy when you don’t cater to him, consider this a red flag to step back.
• Don’t expect to talk or meet every day. However, it only takes a minute to send a message or make a quick call to let your partner know you’re thinking of them.
• Pay special attention to how he reacts when things don’t go well for him. Does he manage his emotions well?
• Don’t demand that he be entirely devoted to you. Doing so might make him feel suffocated and push him further away.
• If he tries to control you, this could lead to abuse. In that case, end the relationship as soon as possible.
• Don’t rush the relationship or make judgments too quickly. Good things often take time to reveal themselves. You may witness changes in him after a while, so keep an open heart and the answer to a long-term relationship will come.

• If he maintains a friendship with an ex but doesn’t respect your boundaries and feelings about it, it means he doesn’t value you enough to change his relationship with them. (But remember, ultimatums are not the solution! If he’s close with an ex and you set unreasonable expectations about how much he should communicate with them, you might be making him feel like he's dating the wrong person.)
• If he does something that you wouldn’t want to share with your best friend, ask yourself if you're being honest with yourself. If your best friend tells you her boyfriend is doing the same thing, what would you say? Dump him? Talk it out calmly? Be honest with yourself and treat yourself as kindly as you would treat a good friend.
• If he makes major decisions (like changing careers or moving to a new city) without consulting you, it shows he doesn't see you as a long-term part of his life.
• If you say, “I love you so much, so much, so much,” and he hesitantly replies, “Yeah, I love you too,” it may indicate he doesn’t feel the same level of affection for you as you do for him.