Buzz
As poet William Butler Yeats once wrote, 'Love is a complex emotion, and no one is wise enough to fully grasp all that it entails.' Determining whether someone loves you can be challenging, even after dating for a while. However, love manifests in various ways, and recognizing signs of long-term commitment, along with paying attention to your girlfriend's words and actions, can help you understand if she truly loves you.
Steps
Acknowledge the Signs of a Long-Term Commitment
Understand the difference between 'falling for' and 'loving.' Falling for someone often involves intense emotions and is typically a passive, emotionally charged experience. However, loving someone requires a more active and multifaceted approach to the relationship.
- Think of 'love' as a verb or an action that you must continuously perform to strengthen and support the relationship. Evaluate how your girlfriend actively contributes to and nurtures your relationship, and whether it remains as strong or stronger than when you first fell in love.
- Through her words and actions, your girlfriend may reinforce and deepen her connection to the relationship, even in seemingly small or insignificant ways.
Evaluate how both of you handle conflicts. Most couples with poor conflict resolution skills exhibit Resistance, Avoidance, or Emotional Shutdown behaviors. They often argue and get angry, sometimes harboring resentment or hatred for months or even years. They dodge or ignore tough issues by sweeping them under the rug. Emotionally, they shut down and reject their partner's feelings, resisting any attempts at communication or problem-solving.
Consider whether you share similar life priorities and goals. This is crucial for establishing a realistic level of commitment, enabling you to live harmoniously with your girlfriend, and equally important for her commitment to you.
Determine if you and your girlfriend possess the four factors that foster intimacy. Authors Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II identified four factors that make us feel closely connected to our partner: physical, emotional, intellectual, and shared activities. Perform the following exercise to see if you and your girlfriend have all four intimacy factors:
Ask friends and family for their impressions of your girlfriend. If those closest to you advise breaking up or stepping back, it might indicate that she's not the right match for you.
Pay attention to your girlfriend's words and actions
Pay attention to the tone of your girlfriend's voice when she speaks to you. Compare how she talks to you versus how she talks to others. If she uses a sweet, caring, and affectionate tone with you, it’s likely that she sees you as someone special in her life and deeply cares about you.
Notice if she wants to spend most of her time with you and calls you frequently. Investing time in a relationship is a clear sign of long-term commitment, especially when your partner is balancing other responsibilities like studies, work, or family. Someone who truly cares about you will make the most of their free time to be with you.
Recall if she asks about your day every time she sees you. This might seem like a small gesture, but it shows she cares about the details of your life. This kind of inquiry helps keep communication open between you two, building a practical and supportive element in your relationship.
Look for signs that she respects your opinions and perspectives. You might have opposing political views or different ways of doing things. Despite these differences, she should still listen to your perspective, showing interest and respect for your views.
Observe if she avoids tracking you or constantly asking where you are. If your partner truly cares about you, they won’t doubt you, snoop around your phone, or check your credit card to determine your location or who you’ve been with, as they are ready to trust you.
Assess whether your partner makes you feel good about yourself. A caring partner will boost your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. They should strengthen the relationship and make you feel loved.
Express your emotions
Create an intimate and private setting. Confessing your feelings, whether from you or her, is harder in public, so consider preparing a dinner at home or taking her to a secluded spot in the park to openly share your emotions.
Be honest and direct. By speaking candidly, you give yourself the best chance to understand exactly how your girlfriend feels about you.
Don’t hesitate to show your emotions. Your girlfriend might need encouragement to express her feelings for you, so don’t shy away from sharing your own.
