Buzz
If you're concerned that you might be irritating others, here’s what you can do to change that.
Ever get the feeling that people are looking at you funny? Or that your best friend doesn’t ask you to hang out as much as they used to? You might wonder if you're annoying others. We’re here to help you figure out if that’s the case by recognizing social clues that suggest irritation, identifying what you might be doing wrong, and showing you how to make things better.
Steps to Take
Indicators That You Might Be Annoying People
They make an effort to avoid you. One of the clearest signs is when people deliberately distance themselves from you. They may ignore your attempts to start conversations, turn down invitations, claim they’re busy, or come up with excuses to avoid hanging out. It could be because they feel uncomfortable around you.
- Remember, everyone has their own likes and dislikes. If one person avoids you but others don’t, it might just be that you don’t connect with them, and that’s perfectly fine!
They roll their eyes, frown, or appear uneasy when you speak. Sometimes, emotions are hard to hide, so pay attention to others’ facial expressions to gauge if they are irritated. If they seem relaxed and smiling, they’re probably not annoyed. Signs of frustration may include:
- Frowning
- Eye-rolling
- Raised eyebrows
- Clenched or tight lips
- Squinting or furrowing brows
- Pushing their chin forward
They show closed-off body language when you’re around. In addition to watching their faces, pay attention to body language. People often give subtle signals when they feel uncomfortable or irritated. Look out for signs like:
- Not making eye contact or looking away
- Rubbing their neck
- Rubbing their face
- Staring at the door or clock
- Feet pointing away
- Arms crossed
- Restlessness or fidgeting
They avoid conversing with you in group settings. If someone finds you irritating, they may withdraw or become distant during conversations. It’s possible they don’t enjoy talking to you, so they disengage.
- Consider if you listen attentively or if you often interrupt others.
- Reflect on whether you dominate discussions, always steering them toward yourself and your interests rather than engaging with others’ topics.
They put less effort into maintaining the friendship than before. If you suspect you might be annoying someone, take a step back and objectively evaluate your relationship. Has it changed recently? The other person could be upset but unwilling to express why. When unsure, simply ask them directly.
- Has your colleague stopped chatting with you during your coffee break? Consider checking in with them.
- If your best friend doesn’t invite you over for movie nights anymore, ask what’s going on.
- Do people seem to leave or cut conversations short when you arrive?
- When you start talking, do people seem eager to end the conversation quickly?
They're overly nice to you. While some people avoid you when they find you annoying, others may go overboard with kindness. This could be because they pity you or they might be trying to irritate you to the point where you avoid them instead.
- Are they constantly smiling and laughing with you in an exaggerated way?
- Do they go out of their way to do favors for you?
- Do they excessively flatter you, making you uncomfortable?
- Be cautious not to mistake this for genuine kindness! If they’re also kind to others, they’re probably just a friendly person.
If you're unsure how someone feels, ask them. Many misunderstandings can be cleared up through a little communication. If you’re not sure what someone is thinking or feeling, it’s perfectly okay to ask for clarification. Simply observe, then ask politely about what you’ve noticed. Here are some ways you could approach it:
- "I’ve noticed you keep looking at the time. Are you in a hurry?"
- "You seem restless. Is something bothering you?"
- "You look a little uncomfortable. Should we change the topic?"
- "Did I say something to upset you?"
Give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s possible the person you're interacting with has other things on their mind. Maybe your sister just hasn't had time to connect lately. While it’s easy to assume their mood is about you, it may have nothing to do with you! Remember that everyone has their own struggles, and they might just be stressed about work or school.
- Additionally, everyone has their quirks. What you perceive as irritation might just be their normal behavior.
- Still wondering if you come off as annoying? Take our Am I Annoying Quiz to find out how you appear to others.
Traits People Often Find Annoying
Letting others do all the work for you. Reflect on your interactions with others. Take a moment to evaluate your work ethic and see if you tend to push your responsibilities onto others. If so, this could be a reason why people find it irritating.
- Do you often ask colleagues to pick up the slack for you? If you do, they’re probably getting frustrated.
- Maybe you realize that during group projects at school, you frequently avoid doing your part. Your classmates are likely fed up with this.
- If your chore at home is taking out the trash, but you keep asking your sister to do it for you, she might be annoyed.
Being excessively loud when speaking or hanging out. Have you ever considered whether you're too loud? Now’s the time to start noticing. Throughout your day, pay attention to moments when you might be causing more noise than others can handle. For a week, track situations where you may be too loud. Some common examples of being overly loud include:
- Blaring your music too loudly as a neighbor.
- Talking during movies, whether at the theater or at home with a friend.
- Interrupting others during social conversations.
- Speaking over people in meetings or classes.
- Talking on the phone in public spaces.
Having a strong and unpleasant body odor. Smells, whether pleasant or unpleasant, can be a major annoyance to those around you. This includes body odor, bad breath, or overwhelming perfumes and colognes. If people find your scent bothersome, they might try to distance themselves from you.
- Do you frequently wear perfume, cologne, or body spray?
- Do you consume a lot of foods with strong odors?
- Are you regular with your showers or baths?
- Do you use deodorant and other personal care products?
- Do you change your clothes daily?
- Do you wash your clothes before re-wearing them?
- Are your pets ever around your clothes before you wear them out?
Being excessively negative or overly critical. Constant negativity can wear people down, especially if you're often criticizing others, even when they don't ask for feedback. Before offering your critique, pause and ask yourself if this has become a habit for you.
- Complaining can be a way to vent, but when done too much, it makes the conversation less enjoyable for others.
- If you often say, "Yes, but..." in response to others' ideas, it can make them feel as if their contributions are dismissed. For example, if a co-worker suggests something and you reply, "Yes, but the client won’t like that," it can feel invalidating.
- It’s also considered negative if you struggle to accept compliments. For instance, when someone compliments your cooking, don’t respond with, "Thanks, but the chicken was dry and the sauce was bland."
Speaking in an inappropriate or crude manner. The way you speak and the topics you discuss can be off-putting to others. Talking too quickly or bringing up sensitive or irrelevant subjects can irritate people. Using slang, profanity, or street talk frequently can also be bothersome. Watch for these irritating habits:
- Overusing the word "like" unnecessarily.
- Resorting to text speak in conversation.
- Turning statements into questions unnecessarily.
- Using "you" instead of "we" when speaking.
- Correcting others all the time.
- Overusing phrases like "you know".
- Constantly making everything about yourself.
- Offering unsolicited advice.
- Talking in long-winded, run-on sentences.
Having poor manners in general. Consistently forgetting your manners is likely to irritate those around you. While you don't need to be overly formal, it’s important to make an effort to practice basic courtesy. Start by regularly using phrases like please and thank you.
- Use a calm, even tone of voice, even when you’re upset. Avoid raising your voice during disagreements.
- Make sure to greet people. For example, when sitting next to a classmate at lunch, say, "Hi, Sue. How’s your day going?"
- Refrain from interrupting others during conversations. If you do, acknowledge it by saying, "Sorry for interrupting, what were you saying?"
- Respect personal space, especially with people you don’t know well. Be mindful of their boundaries.
Asking someone you trust for feedback. One of the easiest ways to figure out if you're being irritating is to simply ask. If you feel tension in a relationship, approach the other person and let them know you’ve noticed a shift. You could say to a friend, “I’ve noticed we haven’t hung out much recently. Did I do something to bother you?”
- If you're asking a coworker, try something like, “Do you think it bothers people when I eat tuna in the break room?”
- If you receive constructive feedback, thank them and make an effort to improve if needed.
How to Reduce Annoying Habits
Dedicate time each day for self-reflection. Self-reflection is the practice of looking inward and analyzing your day. Make it a habit to spend some time reflecting on your actions and the responses of others. This process will help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.
- Set aside 20 minutes every day to reflect. You can write in a journal or take a walk while you think.
- Think back on your interactions. If they were positive, try to identify what went well. If they weren’t, think of ways you could improve next time.
Work on turning negative thoughts into positive ones. If you find that you're often annoying others, it might be a sign that you need to change some of your behaviors. Start by adopting a more positive mindset. Positive thoughts lead to positive actions and can make you more approachable.
- Every night, think of 3 positive things that happened during the day. Gratitude can improve your mood and help you spread those positive vibes to others.
- If you feel like someone doesn't like you, consider if there might be other factors at play, rather than blaming yourself.
Surround yourself with uplifting people. If someone is irritated with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re at fault. Sometimes, you just don’t click with certain individuals. That’s okay! Focus on spending time with people who uplift you and enjoy your company.
- If someone avoids you at lunch, don’t dwell on it. Find another group to join and enjoy your time there.
- If a friend is consistently critical, it might be time to spend more time with friends who have a positive outlook on life.
Get support from someone who can help when you overstep. Having close friends or colleagues who can signal when you're slipping into irritating habits can help you break them more effectively. Ask those around you to provide feedback and practice being open to their constructive criticism.
- You could say something like, "I’ve noticed that people don’t stick around me much at parties, so I’m trying to change the way I speak. Will you help me spot when I’m slipping into old habits?"
Be courteous to others. Disrespectful or careless actions are some of the most common causes of annoyance. Always try to practice good manners to avoid upsetting anyone. Avoid interrupting, always use polite phrases like 'please' and 'thank you', and greet people with kindness. You can also show politeness by respecting others' personal space.
- Pay attention to those around you. Demonstrate that you're listening by maintaining eye contact and asking thoughtful questions when appropriate.
Take time to hear others’ ideas. Perhaps you've been asked to talk less in meetings. It's not because your ideas aren't valuable; you might just be taking over the conversation. Don’t worry, this is something you can work on. Make a conscious effort to listen more than you speak. For example, in a 10-minute conversation, aim to talk for no more than 5 minutes.
- Only speak when you have something meaningful to contribute. For example, if your friends are talking about how much they love yoga, avoid interrupting to say, "But spinning is so much better!"
- Resist the urge to talk constantly. For instance, if someone next to you on the bus is reading, don’t bombard them with questions like, "What’s the book about? Is it any good? Why is that picture on the cover?"
- Being friendly is fine, but also be mindful of whether the other person wants to engage. Sometimes they may prefer a quiet moment and need space.
Show empathy and validate others' feelings. Take time to acknowledge how others are feeling and take their emotions seriously. People greatly appreciate being heard and understood. Regularly validating others' feelings will help them feel at ease and make them more comfortable around you.
- For instance, if someone shares a frustrating experience, you could say, “That sounds so frustrating! How are you coping with it? You seem to be handling it really well.”
Reduce the focus on yourself. Constantly talking about your own experiences can be quite irritating. If you’ve noticed you tend to do this, try to change the pattern. Ask others questions about their lives. For example, if you're talking about how much you enjoyed a TV show, ask the other person what their favorite show is.
- If you realize you've been talking about yourself for too long, pause and ask the other person something like, "How has your day been?"
- When someone is sharing a story, try not to immediately say, "That happened to me too!" It's fine to relate, but it's also important to let others lead the conversation.
- Be aware of whether the other person is asking questions. If they’re genuinely interested in you, they might encourage you to continue talking about yourself until the conversation shifts naturally.
Consider taking a course in etiquette, communication, or public speaking. Learning the basics of social etiquette can help you identify behaviors you need to improve and what you can do to be more effective. You’ll be able to practice good communication in a positive setting, surrounded by others who are also looking to improve their skills.
- Look for classes, seminars, or workshops in your local area.
- Your school may offer relevant classes as well.
- Check with local therapists to see if they host group workshops on communication skills.
Be kind to yourself. If you’ve upset someone, don’t worry—it happens to everyone. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone can be annoying sometimes, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. If necessary, apologize to the person you upset and move forward.
- Remember, no one has a flawless social history! Every day, we’re all just learning how to connect and communicate with others.
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Keep in mind that what might annoy one person could be entertaining or interesting to another. You won’t be liked by everyone, and that’s perfectly fine!
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If someone is consistently rude or unpleasant to you, it’s likely that their behavior reflects their own issues, not something you did wrong.
The advice in this section is based on the personal experiences of Mytour readers, just like you. If you have a helpful tip you'd like to share on Mytour, please submit it in the box below.
- Just because someone finds you irritating doesn’t mean they’re right. Don’t try to copy them in an effort to fix your behavior.
- Avoid overcompensating or changing who you are just to please others.
- Be sure to respect other people's boundaries, especially when you're in their space.
