How to Learn to Love Someone

Exercise Patience. Remember that love doesn’t always strike instantly. Allow yourself the time to feel at ease with the person. Observe as feelings of affection begin to grow within you, gradually, like the arrival of spring. Distinguish love from mere attraction, and take the time to truly value who they are.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable. It's difficult to truly love someone if you aren't open and real with them. Let down your guard by sharing your dreams, fears, doubts, and joys with this person. Build a deep and authentic connection.

• It can be intimidating to open up in this way, but be courageous. Show them your scars, your tears, your innermost thoughts – though not necessarily all at once.

Focus on their strengths. People are complex, and you might feel both drawn to and put off by different sides of someone's personality. It becomes easier to love them if you emphasize the positive qualities rather than the negative ones. If the flaws are minor, it could be worth overlooking them. However, if they are serious deal-breakers, ignoring them might not be wise.

Act as if you love them. Some studies suggest that pretending to love someone can actually spark genuine feelings of closeness and affection. If you’re comfortable, try behaving as if you're already in love with this person. Let your imagination guide you and see where it leads.

• Proceed cautiously with this approach. Be mindful not to pretend for so long that you lose your true self. Aim to live authentically.
• This strategy may work better if the other person is also playing along. It can be challenging to cultivate love unless both individuals are fully invested.

True love can be exhilarating, confusing, and absolutely amazing. But how can you tell if you’ve been struck by cupid’s arrow? With some introspection, you can figure out if your feelings are the real thing. Take our quiz to find out if you're in love!

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Try the Aron 36-question method. Arthur and Elaine Aron, social psychologists, have spent nearly 50 years researching how and why people fall in love. As a result, they created a list of 36 questions that are believed to foster deep intimacy between two individuals in a controlled setting. While these questions may not solve all problems, the method has been known to reignite romance in long-term relationships and create connections between strangers.

Ask each other the first 12 questions. Explain the process to your partner or the person you’re trying to connect with. Agree to spend time together until you’ve both answered all 36 questions. The experience will take a few hours.

• If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would you choose?
• Would you like to be famous? If so, in what way?
• Do you rehearse what you’re going to say before making a phone call? Why or why not?
• What would your ideal “perfect” day look like?
• When was the last time you sang to yourself? To someone else?
• If you could live to be 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
• Do you have an intuition about how you will die?
• What are three things you and your partner have in common?
• What are you most grateful for in your life?
• If you could change one thing about the way you were raised, what would it be?
• Spend four minutes telling your partner your life story in as much detail as you can.
• If you could wake up tomorrow with any new quality or ability, what would it be?

Proceed to the second set of questions. Once you've answered the first 12 questions, assess how you're feeling about the experience. If you still feel comfortable with the person, move on to the next set of questions. Keep in mind, these questions are designed to dig deeper, encouraging more personal and meaningful exchanges.

• If a crystal ball could reveal the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
• Is there something you've wanted to do for a long time? What’s holding you back?
• What do you consider to be your greatest accomplishment?
• What do you value most in a friendship?
• What is your most cherished memory?
• What is your most painful memory?
• If you knew you'd pass away in a year, would you change anything about how you're living now? Why or why not?
• What does friendship mean to you?
• How important are love and affection in your life?
• Take turns sharing something positive about your partner. Share five things in total.
• How close is your family? Do you feel that your childhood was happier than most?
• How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Answer the final set of twelve questions. By now, you should be deep in conversation with the person, and you may feel a profound connection. If you're still feeling good about the experiment, proceed to the third and final set of questions, where the conversation will become even more intimate and emotional.

• Each of you must make three true “we” statements. For example, 'We are both sitting in this room feeling ...'
• Finish this sentence: 'I wish I had someone with whom I could share ...'
• If you were to become close friends with your partner, what would be important for them to know about you?
• Tell your partner what you like about them. Be completely honest, even if it’s something you might not tell someone you’ve just met.
• Share an embarrassing moment from your life.
• When was the last time you cried in front of someone else? How about when you were alone?
• Tell your partner something you already appreciate about them.
• Is there anything that is too serious to joke about?
• If you were to die tonight and had no opportunity to talk to anyone, what would you regret not telling someone? Why haven’t you said it already?
• Your house is on fire, and after rescuing your loved ones and pets, you have time to grab one item. What would it be and why?
• Whose death in your family would affect you the most? Why?
• Share a personal issue you’re facing and ask your partner how they might handle it. Also, ask them to reflect on how you seem to feel about the issue.

Stare into each other’s eyes. Studies suggest that prolonged eye contact can strengthen emotional bonds between two people. While eye contact alone won’t necessarily make you fall in love, it’s certainly an important element. If you want to become closer to someone, consider looking into their eyes for four minutes straight.

• If you’re hesitant to share your intentions, aim to make eye contact during a conversation or during intimate moments. It can work wonders.

Be honest with yourself. Reflect on why you want to fall in love with this person. Ensure that your reasons are healthy and genuine. Don’t feel pressured to love someone simply because they love you. Avoid trying to force love just for the sake of convenience or social expectations.

Grasp the intricacies of love. Love arises from a mixture of conscious and subconscious decisions. The powerful emotions of attachment and desire come from subtle hormones and pheromones—chemicals that work behind the scenes, influencing us and making us more or less likely to fall for someone.

• On some level, you might be able to create the right circumstances for love, but the actual emotions can be out of your control. It’s important to keep a clear perspective.
• Learn about love. Understand why people in love feel the way they do: how attraction and closeness stimulate the dopamine and serotonin receptors in our brain, driving intense emotions. Knowing the science behind love might help you better understand how it comes into being.

Make sure this is truly what you desire. Maybe you've fallen out of love with a long-term partner and wish to reignite the spark. But are you doing this because it’s what you truly want, or is it for the sake of stability—such as children, friendships, or a shared mortgage? Perhaps you've been introduced to a partner through an arranged marriage, or you've found yourself in a serious relationship with someone you're unsure about. Regardless of social expectations, remember you don’t need to force yourself to love anyone! Give yourself permission to genuinely discover the love that you deserve, in a natural and honest way.

• Be accepting. No one is perfect, so keep in mind that no one will meet all your expectations.
• Don’t rush it. Take your time. Love doesn’t always come quickly, so let it develop at its own pace.
• Stay true to who you are. Don’t try to become someone else just to please someone else. A love built on dishonesty may feel empty and might eventually fall apart, even over small things.

• Be cautious. It’s important to balance emotions with reason. Don’t let yourself fall so deeply in love that you lose sight of who you are!