Buzz
Have you ever wondered if your ideal partner thinks you’re better off as just friends? It may seem like you'll never meet someone better, but there are steps you can take to move forward. Letting go of love is as individual as the experience of falling in love, but here are some positive ways to break emotional bonds.
Steps
Embracing the Pain
Give yourself permission to feel sadness. Letting go of love is akin to grieving the end of a relationship. It's completely normal to feel this loss intensely. Trying to appear unaffected only prolongs the emotional turmoil. The healthy approach to falling out of love is to allow yourself to be sad for a while. Give yourself space to grieve.
- If possible, take some time off from work and engage in comforting activities (as long as they’re not harmful). Watch emotional movies, rest, or indulge in your favorite treats. If the pain becomes overwhelming, remember that time heals all wounds.
Reflect on the relationship. To properly move on from the relationship, it's crucial to acknowledge both the positive and negative aspects of being in love with that person (because there will always be both). Appreciate the good moments, but also remember the difficult ones; you'll need to think about the new possibilities that are now available to you.
- During times of grief, it's common to idealize the person and forget their flaws. It's important to keep both their strengths and weaknesses in mind.
- Try to be thankful for how the relationship helped you grow, but also recognize areas where it may have hindered your personal development or changed you in ways you'd rather not have. These lessons can help you as you continue to evolve.
Spend time alone for a while. Avoid rushing into another relationship or constantly distracting yourself with friends and activities. To heal and move on in a healthy way, you need to face and process the pain you're experiencing. Balance your time between reflecting on your needs and desires and then pursuing them, while also seeking emotional and social support from those close to you.
- If you feel the need to talk to someone, it's fine to spend time with trusted friends. Find someone who will let you express your emotions but also offer honest advice from an outside perspective. If you're open to it, the advice of a supportive friend can help you reevaluate your loss and focus on your future. Avoid obsessing over the breakup or your ex’s actions. Instead, shift your focus to your own healing and how to move forward.
Express your emotions. A significant part of healing is expressing how you feel. You don't have to share these feelings with others unless you want to, but releasing them in some form can be incredibly helpful.
- Consider journaling, writing poetry or stories, creating artwork, learning an instrument, or even exploring spoken word poetry. These creative outlets will help you process your pain and transform it into something meaningful.
- If you’re not the creative type, visit a museum, theater, or attend a concert. Sometimes experiencing how others interpret heartbreak can help you understand it as a shared human experience that, despite its pain, gives life its depth and value. After all, without loss, we never truly experience love.
- Reader Poll: We asked 483 Mytour readers who they’d turn to for emotional support after loving someone deeply, and 53% said they would reach out to their closest friends. [Take Poll] So if you choose to open up, your closest friends might be the best first option for support.
Embracing a New Beginning
Hold on to the meaningful things. As you try to move forward, it's important not to overreact and discard everything that reminds you of that person. Keep a few items that represent the positive side of your experiences, like a seashell from the beach or a photo from a memorable event, to maintain a healthy and positive view of the relationship.
- While it's wise to keep these mementos, you might not be ready to see them immediately. Store them in a safe place for now, and revisit them only when you're emotionally ready.
- This also applies to digital items, which can be stored and kept out of sight on your devices.
Let go of everything else. Once you’ve selected the items to keep, it’s time to part with the rest. To truly move on, you need to stop seeing constant reminders of that person in your daily life.
- If you have any of their belongings, return them. Remove any pictures with them from Facebook, delete images on your own Facebook that bring them to mind, and get rid of other digital items like saved voicemails. Research shows that keeping these reminders can prolong the grieving process and make it harder to heal.
Avoid checking up on the person. To truly get over someone, it’s essential to cut all ties, at least until you’re in a healthier emotional state and are ready to consider being friends again (if that’s something you want). Love causes chemical changes in your brain similar to addiction, and each time you see or hear about your ex, it temporarily satisfies the craving, making it harder to move on.
- Don’t meet for coffee, don’t call, don’t text, and don’t ask your friends about what your ex is doing. Stop thinking about them and start focusing on yourself. Experts suggest taking a break from contact for at least 30-90 days.
- Unfollow or unfriend your ex on social media. Even casually keeping tabs on them can make it harder for you to let go. Cut those social media ties, at least for now, so you can redirect your energy into more positive and healthy pursuits.
Take a break from mutual friends. Spending time with mutual friends too soon after trying to move on will complicate your emotional recovery.
- Let your friends know you need some space and time apart until you feel more stable. A true friend will understand and support your need for distance.
- This may include mutual friends on social media, especially those who frequently post pictures of your ex. These little reminders can make it harder to heal. If you can't fully disconnect from them on social media, consider temporarily blocking their posts or taking a social media break until you feel better.
Give it time before becoming friends again. If you had a deep connection and things ended on good terms, or if you were just close friends, it’s still a good idea to wait before trying to be friends again. Spending time together too soon will make it even more difficult to fall out of love.
- For many, it may take years to become friends again after a serious breakup. You might find that you can reconnect as friends only once both of you have moved on and are in other relationships.
- For some, it may never be possible to be friends again, especially if the breakup was not mutual.
Prioritizing Yourself
Discover who you truly are. Without the relationship clouding your perception, you'll gain a clearer understanding of yourself. Take this opportunity to explore your strengths and weaknesses. You may find that your goals and priorities are different now. What you thought you wanted when you imagined a lifetime with someone might change as you see the world from a new perspective.
- Friendships are a great area to revisit. You might realize that while in love, you neglected certain friendships you now wish to restore. This is the perfect time to rebuild those connections.
- Reflect on who you were before your relationship. Reclaim your individuality. Perhaps your ex wasn’t into theater, but you were; maybe they liked your hair long, but you always preferred it short. You might have set aside your hobbies, friends, or unique traits while you were in the relationship. Now, being single again, embrace the parts of your former self that you want to keep.
Embrace independence. Being in love often leads to dependency, but if you want future happiness and healthier relationships, you must learn to be self-reliant. Building your independence will give you confidence and help you realize how strong and capable you are on your own. Start doing things for yourself. Think of this as an opportunity to enjoy your freedom. Pursue activities you've always wanted to do but never had the time for.
- Take yourself out to dinner or the movies. It’s especially rewarding if you pick something you enjoy that your ex would have disliked.
Try new things. Exploring new activities will not only bring joy by experiencing fresh experiences, but will also help you focus less on your past love and learn how to enjoy life alone. You could pick up a new hobby, volunteer, or even teach yourself a new skill. There’s no limit to what you could learn or discover.
- Travel as much as you can. Traveling is a great way to make new memories and experiences, both positive and negative. These new memories will help you shift your focus away from your past and toward new opportunities.
- Remember, travel doesn't always mean going abroad; even exploring nearby locations can be exciting. The goal is to do something different, something you've never done before.
Letting Go
Accept that it wasn’t meant to be. A crucial part of moving on is recognizing that not all relationships are meant to last. If that person couldn’t love you as you deserved, or if the relationship caused unhappiness, it was never going to get better. You deserve to be in a relationship where both partners love each other equally and fulfill each other’s needs.
- Be grateful for the valuable lessons this relationship brought, like understanding your own heart better and learning what you need in a partner. When you can appreciate the opportunity to have loved this person, you’ll find it easier to heal, knowing the pain had a meaningful purpose.
Meet new people. If you're ready to move on, it's important to put yourself in situations where you can connect with others. However, don't rush the process. There's no need to force things—simply go out when you feel like it and don't push yourself to engage in uncomfortable situations.
- There are many places to meet new people: social events, clubs, church groups, or even through volunteering. Also, keep an open mind at work or in your community for new potential connections. Be kind and approachable to everyone you meet.
Give dating another try. Opening yourself up to the possibility of love again is a big step in moving on. While you don’t need to dive into anything serious right away, it’s beneficial to date casually for a while. This helps you rediscover the joy of companionship without the pressure of commitment.
- You’ll know you’re ready when you can honestly say you love and respect yourself. It’s a fact that we attract people who treat us as we treat ourselves. If you’re still wallowing in self-doubt, attracting someone who will treat you with genuine affection will be much harder.
Understand you don't have to force yourself to fall out of love. While moving on can be painful, you don’t need to force yourself to stop loving someone, especially if it was real love. In some cases, it’s okay if those feelings persist. Instead of trying to let go of the love, focus on living your life fully and finding new love when you're ready.
- It's important not to fill your heart with hate or bitterness. Don’t try to convince yourself to dislike the person you loved. If they hurt you, it's perfectly natural to be angry. But, forgiving them—not for their sake but for your own peace—will help you heal and move forward.
- Avoid obsessing over their flaws or making negative lists. This will only feed into negative emotions, preventing you from opening yourself up to future positivity.
Fall in love again. The final step in healing your heart is allowing yourself to fall in love once more. New love will bring hope and remind you of the joy love can bring. Even more importantly, you should seek love with someone who can return your feelings in a way that your past partner couldn't. This is the love you truly deserve!
- When you find someone who understands and loves you for who you are, there’s no shame in falling for them. Embrace the new love; you're not dishonoring your past feelings. Just like every fairytale has more than one story, your heart holds many chapters.
- If it takes a long time to fall in love again, don't worry—there’s nothing wrong with you. Some hearts simply take longer to heal. For now, focus on bringing happiness to yourself.
- Don't compare everyone to your former partner. It's crucial not to let your past love prevent you from appreciating someone else's qualities. Give new people the chance to shine without comparing them to anyone else.
- When starting a new hobby or interest, make sure it’s something that isn’t tied to your previous relationship. Otherwise, it could make moving on harder.
- Avoid seeing mutual friends or people connected to your ex. Keeping distance from these people can help you move forward without constant reminders of your past relationship.
The tips in this section come from the real-life experiences of Mytour readers just like you. If you have a valuable suggestion to contribute, feel free to share it in the field below on Mytour.
- Try out something new—join a club, pick up a new hobby, or start playing a sport to keep your mind occupied. Everything will fall into place :)
Important Warnings
- If the relationship was abusive or manipulative, consider a restraining order to help both parties refrain from any further contact.
