How to Let Go of Someone

Every morning, you wake up as a different person. What shaped you yesterday might not be useful for today. Though it might be hard to believe, forgetting someone can often be the best solution for the person you are now. Whether it's a loved one who has passed, a recent breakup, someone you need to forget, or a friendship that no longer feels in tune, letting go of that person is the next step towards happiness. Your happiness is the most important thing. Let's begin with Step 1.

Allow Yourself to Feel First, grieving is okay. Being sensitive is okay. Crying is okay. Anger is okay. Whatever you're feeling is completely normal and needs to be expressed. After the phase of hiding your emotions ends, this process can begin. However, letting go of someone is a gradual process, and the emotional hiding phase (also known as the ‘crying while eating an entire tub of ice cream’ phase or the ‘dying your hair a weird color that doesn’t suit your workplace’ phase) must come first. Let it happen.

• What you might feel initially is denial, followed by anger. At first, you may not accept that this is real, but once you do, the words and the feelings may create a sense of helplessness and pain. Instead of torturing yourself over the breakup or how you’ve handled it, remember that this is how things were meant to unfold. These emotions are part of you. You are not crazy, nor are you useless. You are simply human.

Don’t glamorize the past. You may catch yourself reminiscing about the wonderful moments you shared with someone when you were together. You’ll recall them as a lost memory when lying alone in bed. But if that person were to return to your life, 10 minutes later you might think, "Yes, that’s why it didn’t work out." It’s hard to remember the bad times when your emotions are running high. Just remember, if you’re feeling sad about the great memories, you’re not seeing things clearly.

• If you need scientific backing for this, keep in mind that emotions have been shown to affect memory. So, if you're desperately searching for the good moments, your mind may create new changes to meet your current expectations. Simply put, your memory is wearing rose-colored glasses to align with your present thoughts.

Isolate yourself as much as possible. "Giving up" is a softer term for forgetting or no longer caring. It might sound harsh, which is why it has a more pleasant alternative name. Therefore, isolating yourself from that person is the fastest way to move on. Do you remember that shirt you found in the back of your closet that made you exclaim, "Oh my gosh, I love this shirt! How did I forget it was there?" Yes, out of sight, out of mind.

• It’s true that for many people, this is easier said than done. However, try to limit your encounters with that person. Use this as an opportunity to find a new passion, a cool place, or a new group of friends to hang out with. Don’t change your life for that person, but try to think of what’s best for you.

Don’t belittle yourself. After you've been angry and sworn never to make such a mistake again, you might spend days, weeks, or what feels like an eternity asking yourself where you went wrong, feeling like you're wandering through a foggy haze. You might long to stop everything, but you can’t. You shouldn’t, for your own good. To improve your world, you need to keep moving forward.

• This is the time to do whatever you need to do. Right now, you are your number one priority. Do whatever makes you happy (of course, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone). Party, enjoy yourself. If you can't talk to your friends because someone stole her sandwich at work, let it go. You need time to be selfish. Your mantra right now is "me, me, me." Why? Because you’re amazing.

Don’t blame everything on the person. You’ll soon move past this stage (at that point, the "me, me, me" phase should evolve into a "me, you, me, you" phase), and the last thing you want is to hate the entire world. Feeling frustrated and criticizing doesn't mean you're "learning from the experience"—it’s more like giving up. Try to focus on the good qualities in people. They’re always there; sometimes, they’re just hidden.

• Not all men are trash, and not all women are ruthless. Perhaps you tend to attract the bad ones, but that’s where it should end. Pay close attention to the people around you—how many different types of people can you find? Certainly many. That’s the beauty of human diversity.

Stop negative thoughts in their tracks. The interesting thing about your mind is that those thoughts are part of who you are and can be controlled. If negative thoughts start to creep in, you have the power to stop them. The thought you just started can end right now. Sometimes, you might need a little trick, but it’s entirely possible.

• Try saying your negative thoughts in the voice of a cartoon character, like Donald Duck. Try saying, "I hate myself for being so stupid" in his voice. You’ll find it hard to take that thought seriously, won’t you?
• Deliberately lift your head. When you hold your head high, your body is reminded that you’re present and proud. When you lower your head, it triggers your emotional center of shame, making you feel worse. This small movement can have a significant impact.

Reach out to your friends. The best people you can rely on right now are your network of friends who always have your back. They will help you move on and forget. Don’t hesitate to ask for their help as they may have been in the same situation as you.

• Ask them to prevent you from sinking into sadness. You definitely need to talk about your emotions, but only for a certain time. Have them listen to you for about 15 minutes, but after that, don’t dwell on pointless analyses and regrets. They will help you avoid being overwhelmed by your pain.

Discover who you are and learn to love it. The truth is, you are amazing, and this is just a minor setback. Chances are, you’ve felt this way before and have overcome it, so why can’t you do it again now? If you’ve bounced back once, you can do it a second time. You have a great ability to recover; you just forgot that. Keep living, and you will forget.

• When you stop living, you won’t be able to move on. When you truly live (seeking opportunities, enjoying life, doing what you love, and being with those you care about), you will naturally let go without even realizing it. Think about the person you were before all of this. What did you love? What made you who you are now? How amazing were you before?

Reevaluate your standards. Clearly, from the beginning, this person never truly respected you when you shined, so they don’t deserve the time you’ve invested. It’s not "Do they deserve the time I’ve spent on them?" or "Maybe they’re not worth the time I’ve invested," but without a doubt, they absolutely don’t deserve your time. You deserve someone who understands you, sees your value, and wants to be a positive part of your life. You can disregard those who don’t meet this standard.

• Take some time for self-reflection. Look at yourself objectively. Did you feel this relationship was safe because it wasn’t real? Did this relationship ensure that you’d never get hurt because there were no real ties? If any of this rings true, the problem lies with you, not with the other person. They are merely a symbol of your own ideas.

Evaluate your happiness. Whether you’re the third party or this is just a fleeting crush, are you truly happy when you’re with this person? The reality is likely very different from the relationship you’ve been imagining in your head. How much of this relationship is real, and how much is just daydreams, hopes, and assumptions?

• Clearly, this relationship isn’t meeting your needs, or you don’t have the desire to let go. Acknowledge this. Understand it. This relationship doesn’t meet your needs, but another relationship could. The key to finding that other relationship is letting go of this one. That’s the reason you’re reading this article! Step 1? Completed.

Don’t wait around. Life is too short to not start living right now. That person is out there living their life, so why aren’t you doing the same? It’s only fair. This doesn’t mean you should immediately pursue another relationship, but you do need to engage with society and try to live life to the fullest.

• Don’t wait for things to change. You’ll be waiting for a long time. In general, the best way to predict your future behavior is to look at your past actions. If your past behavior broke your heart, why would your future actions be any different? That’s right, they won’t be.
• You likely already realize all of this. You know that this relationship wasn’t right for you and understand the need to move on (after all, that’s why you’re reading this). Even if your awareness is minimal, let it control a few hours each day. Let this awareness protect you from pain. It will guide you toward actions that will help you feel better, like a girls' night out, daily long runs, or a vacation you’ve been planning. Whatever it is, make sure you remember it.

Keep a realistic distance. Once you’ve decided to maintain emotional distance, you should also maintain physical distance. The only way to stop torturing yourself is by not having that person around. If you can control this (e.g., if they’re not a colleague), do it immediately. The process of letting go will be much quicker.

• Don’t use this as an excuse to stay home instead of going to school, the gym, or hanging out with friends. However, this might be a reason to adjust your routine. Do you always go to the same coffee shop? Find a new one. Do you usually go to a particular gym? Go at a different time. You might even take up a completely new hobby!

Be clear. If this person is still in your life, they will ask questions. Making up silly excuses to justify avoiding them won’t help because the truth will eventually come out.

• No one can set up the situation but you. However, no one can reject a statement like "I need some time to myself to figure out what’s best for me." If they don’t like that, then that’s even more reason for you to let go.

Don’t beat yourself up. This failure is not your fault. It’s life. It happens to everyone, and you know what? You’ll learn from it. You’ve learned from past heartbreaks and moved on, so you’ll do the same this time. You didn’t do anything wrong. At that moment, trust that everything you did was the right thing. That’s all you need to do.

• Wishing you had done something differently, acted differently, or said something else won’t help. You were just being yourself, and if things didn’t work out, no other factor matters. Changing yourself is a tiring process that leads only to resentment and exhaustion. It’s foolish to beat yourself up for being who you are. Who else would you be if not yourself?

Focus on yourself. It’s time to invest in "you." This is not only for your own benefit but for all your future relationships. If you don’t take the time to understand who you are, you won’t succeed in anything. It’s not selfishness, just the right thing to do.

• What do you like? Think of at least 5 things and do them over the next two weeks. Eventually, there will come a time when you’ll let go without even realizing it. You’ll be so caught up in living your life that you won’t notice. However, a few months later, when you realize this, you’ll feel incredibly good.

Learn to let go of regrets. When a loved one passes away, you are suddenly overwhelmed with all the things you should have said, should have done, or actions and words you regret. These regrets are impossible to act on, and dwelling on them only increases your suffering. That person would surely want you to find joy again, right?

• Regrets require you to forgive yourself. Unfortunately, there are no instructions for self-forgiveness, but the only thing you can do is remember that you are human. You are human, and you loved with all your heart. Now, it’s time to focus on the present.

Grief. The five stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, in that order. However, remember that everyone expresses their pain differently. You need to express it however feels right to you, whether that’s curling up with a teddy bear or running until your legs ache—just do it. In time, you will feel better.

• The judgments of others about how you express your sorrow are meaningless. Handle it however works for you. As long as you take care of yourself and those around you (but avoid turning to drugs, alcohol, and similar distractions), any approach is fine.

Don’t grieve alone. Right now, you and your loved ones need to come together. Sometimes, when you share your pain with others, it no longer feels like you’re suffering alone. The collective effort of everyone can help speed up the healing process.

• If you feel like you’re the only one in pain, the presence of others can make a huge difference. Someone holding your hand will remind you that you’re not alone, and that everything will be okay. Seek support from anyone around you.

Reconnect with yourself. At some point, there was a version of you that existed independent of this relationship. And that version still exists. You just need to rediscover that person. With a little adjustment, this version of you will be "good as new."

• Reconnect with people and things from your past. What used to bring you joy? What made you feel alive? What activities did you always wish you had the time or energy for? And the most important question of all: When is a better time to do them than now?

Look towards the future. The only reason the future seems bleak is because you're viewing it through a lens of negativity. The future still holds as much promise as it did six weeks, six months, or six years ago. What really matters is what you'll take away from it. Instead of staying trapped in the past, think about what the future holds. What will the future bring?

• By clinging to the past, you leave no room to grasp the future. You may miss out on the world around you. Would your loved ones want that for you? To find love, you must give and receive. You can't do that if your hands are still gripping the past.

Write a positive farewell letter to close the chapter of the past. Write everything you never had the chance to say in this letter. Keep the tone positive, focusing on their life and the joy they brought to you.

• How you handle this letter is up to you. You could keep it close to your heart, release it into the sea, or set it on fire and watch the smoke rise into the sky.

Remember, you will definitely "let go." It is absolutely certain. No doubts here. The only word that applies in this case is "definitely." Some people may take longer than others, but eventually, you will forget. Until then, rest and allow time to heal all wounds.

• As the process of letting go begins, you might not even notice. You'll change and grow so much that your eyes won’t even recognize the person you once were. Perhaps that moment is now. Maybe you've already started the process and you're closer to your goal than you realize. Could that be true? What a silly question, of course it is!

Make this process as positive as possible. "Nothing is inherently good or bad; it's all about how we think about it." The friendship you're about to let go of doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It symbolizes growth and maturity. It shows the world that you’ve found your own path, and that person can no longer walk with you. That's all. It's not that you're abandoning someone or being inflexible, you're simply doing what needs to be done.

• Every experience and relationship has its own value. However, some people are meant to be part of our memories, not our future. And that’s perfectly okay! Everyone has their own characteristics. Appreciate the experiences you've had, because they've helped you grow into the amazing person you are today.

Being around others. This friendship is slowly shaping you into someone you don't want to be (and it's true, friendships have the power to do that). Toxic friendships can drain your energy and negatively impact other areas of your life. The only way to resolve this is by gradually integrating into a different group where you feel better.

• If you don't have a backup plan, eventually you'll need one. You may need to go out and find a new plan. This might be tough, but if it were too easy, it wouldn't be worth it. Join a club, take a class, or pick up a new hobby. Allow yourself to become a part of a bigger world. The bigger the world, the less this person can affect you.

Be kind. When you're friends with someone who takes advantage of you, they may not even realize they're doing so. Don't react in anger, after all, there was a reason you became friends in the first place. You still care about this person, to some degree. When they ask what's going on, be honest, but always remain "kind".

• If you're unsure of what to say, tell them what you would say to yourself. "We’ve gone in different directions, and that’s okay. I still respect you, but our friendship was based on the person I used to be, not who I am now. Your actions have been disappointing, and I can't tolerate them any longer." They may ask many questions or get angry, but in the end, you need to walk away, no matter their reaction.

Create distance for yourself. When something is taken from us, we often desire it even more. This friend may start calling you more often than before. Even if they promise they've realized their mistakes, don't rush to believe it. You need some time to reflect on yourself, consider, and view the situation from a clearer perspective.

• And they need this time too. If they want to talk about it, let them know how you feel. Both of you need space to understand what it’s like without each other. You need to step back and get the full picture. If, after a few weeks, you both feel like reconnecting, take it slow. Sometimes people do learn and grow from their experiences.

Know what you're looking for in future friends. It’s unfortunate if you abandon a friend just to replace them with a carbon copy of them. So when you seek out new, great friends, what do you want them to be like? What qualities do you value in them?

• You also need to reflect on yourself. What did you appreciate about the qualities in that friend that made you bond so well? What do you need from them that they couldn’t provide? What are three qualities your ideal friends should have?

Focus only on things you can change. This friend is an independent individual, and you can't change them, no matter how hard you try, and that’s completely normal. Everyone has their own traits, and it's no one's fault. But since it's true that "old habits die hard," don’t waste energy trying to change them. Instead, focus on what you can change to make yourself happier.

• Your living environment can change. Your perspective can change. Your needs can change. Focus on one of these areas as you begin to evolve and grow. Once you align with your true self, the right path forward will become much clearer.

• No matter what, you must learn to trust and love yourself. Understand that everything happens for a reason, and in our lives, people come and go, so don't endure it forever. Remember that somewhere, someone new is waiting for you.
• Letting go doesn't always mean they have to leave you. Letting go also means being there for them, caring about them, but not allowing them to drain your energy, hurt you, or prevent you from living your own life.
• You will always feel pain when remembering old memories, but there comes a time when you need to clean out your closet, put away the photos, because "when one door closes, another opens."
• Give yourself time to grieve after losing a loved one, and then take steps onto a new path that the two of you never walked together. Make new friends and try new things that bring you joy. In the beginning, starting a new life on your own might feel difficult, but this new journey could offer you satisfaction and fulfillment.
• Remember that there is no set time for you to mourn. Don’t feel guilty if you want to have dinner with someone 4 or 6 months after losing your spouse. Everyone has their own way and time to begin a new life. You need to move on for your loved ones, and the timing and way you live is entirely up to you and your feelings.
• Taking up a sport or finding a new hobby will keep you busy and help you not dwell on things that remind you of them.