How to Let Go of the Person You Love

Letting go of someone you love is never easy. While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution, certain steps can help you release the past and move forward into the future. Below is a simple guide for those seeking to forget someone they once loved.

Ask yourself why you haven’t let go yet. Be honest with your answer. Perhaps you’ll say: "We had an amazing time together" or "I think they’re truly great." No matter the response, it’s important to acknowledge it. Additionally, reflect on the negative aspects of that person which you may have overlooked before. For example, "They were always late" or "They often criticized me." You’ll realize that what once seemed perfect isn’t as ideal as you thought.

• If you want to forget someone, there might be several reasons why you no longer want to keep thinking about them. Identify those reasons and remind yourself why they’re valid.
• Did the person you love treat you poorly? Tell yourself you deserve better. Focus on ways to build your self-esteem. You don’t have to stay with someone who mistreats you just because you believe you deserve it.
• Is the person you love already in a relationship with someone else? You shouldn’t pursue someone who is already committed to another. If they were willing to deceive their partner to be with you, they may also deceive you.
• Did you have a past relationship that didn’t turn out the way you hoped? If you’re still hung up on them, it’s natural to fear what life will be like without them. However, sometimes it’s necessary to accept that it’s time to move on. If the two of you are truly meant to be together, you’ll eventually reunite. If not, letting go is the healthiest choice.
• Are there other factors like family issues, distance, or age that are preventing you from being together? If these are things beyond your control, stop fighting against life. Focus on what you can control. You deserve someone who’s perfect for you, and you’ll eventually find them.

Let go of memories and moments related to that person in your daily life. They say the more distance, the more you miss someone. But out of sight, out of mind. In this case, distance is clearly beneficial for you!

• Get rid of photos, letters, or anything connected to the person you once adored. If you kept a journal about them, switch to a new one and try not to write about them anymore.
• Letting go doesn’t mean erasing everything. Unless you don’t want them to be a part of your future, don’t completely remove the objects or memories associated with them. When you grow older and think back on the people who once meant something to you, these memories will bring you joy.

Play the association game. The association game is another way of tricking your brain into categorizing that person into the negative or a group you dislike. For a short period of time, this can help you focus more on their flaws than the traits that once made your heart flutter.

• This mind trick is simply about associating bad thoughts whenever you think about that person. What comes to mind when you think of them? Probably the good moments, right? Well, replace those with negative aspects.
• For instance, they might not shower regularly, act arrogantly, wear too much makeup, ignore your advice, play games all day, etc. Focus on anything about them that you consider unpleasant. Don’t get too negative—just plant these thoughts in your mind so that whenever you think of them, the negative traits will come first.

Pick up a new hobby. If you’re still thinking about that person, it might be because you’re spending too much time dwelling on them. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but you’ve given yourself the chance to fantasize about an unrealistic future. Find a new hobby by doing something you enjoy and keep yourself busy, or discover something completely new!

• This could be rock climbing, surfing, pottery, horse riding, marine biology, fashion, photography, writing, gardening, roller skating, ice skating, modeling, crafts, cycling, running, white-water rafting, public speaking, sightseeing, playing chess, studying architecture, camping, robotics, fencing... Anything that gets you active is helpful. Don’t worry about your image. Just do what excites you.
• Volunteer work. Becoming a volunteer is crucial because it will make you realize how lucky you are. Plus, it’ll remind you that your minor problems – like trying not to think about someone – are really not that bad.

Lean on your friends. Friends are always there to help you. No matter the situation, they’ll listen and offer advice. Meet up with your friends, have fun with them. Don’t lock yourself in a room and isolate yourself from the world around you.

“Get back at yourself, if necessary.” This doesn’t mean taking cruel actions towards your body. What it really means is doing things that show that you no longer care. Sometimes, this can be achieved by returning to your true self. If you’ve been trying to impress them, stop immediately. Instead, begin doing things that you enjoy, like wearing clothes you truly love, playing sports you’re passionate about, listening to music that speaks to you, etc.

Go on a trip. You don’t have to travel far if it’s not possible. Many people choose to ‘reinvest’ in themselves after a breakup by visiting places like India or South America. However, these destinations can be far and expensive, making them impractical. You can find a place that feels special to you.

• Visit somewhere you’ve never been. As mentioned, you don’t need to go somewhere far or costly. As long as it excites you, traveling is one of the best ways to stop thinking about someone.
• Talk to the locals, immerse yourself in their lives, and have fun. While traveling, focus on your new self. This new self is eager to discover everything, open-hearted, and craving fresh experiences. If you don’t open your heart, what’s the point of traveling?

Stay calm. Remember: forgetting someone takes time. It might take years to move on, but it can get easier with time. Life is full of challenges, but the more you understand, especially about yourself, the easier it becomes. Eventually, you’ll look back and laugh, wondering: What was I thinking?

If possible, avoid places that person frequently visits. Avoiding them signals to your body and mind that there are many other people in the world deserving your attention. The truth is: There are so many people around you, and you don’t have to be tied to just one person for the rest of your life.

• If you attend the same school or participate in the same activities, try to avoid seeing them as much as possible. Don’t eat with them, don’t join the same project. If possible, steer clear of being in the same place at the same time.
• Don’t put yourself in situations where you could bump into them. If they often go to concerts in the summer, try playing tennis instead. Or if they hang out at the mall on Saturdays, only go there during the week.
• If you’re forced to be in the same room or accidentally run into them, just smile, chat briefly if necessary, and find a way to leave. For example, “Sorry, I have to go because a friend needs my help,” or any similar excuse will do the trick.

Ignore them. Try not to start a conversation or even look at them. Of course, it’s difficult to control your thoughts, but when they do something to catch your attention or come closer, redirect your focus to something else or move to a different spot. You won’t forget someone you loved by simply accepting the reality of the situation.

Play the punishment game. This game is similar to the association game, but it involves a physical element instead of being purely mental. Try it and see if it works for you.

• Wear a rubber band around your wrist, not too tight. Every time you think about them, pull the rubber band and snap it against your wrist. The repetitive thought will become a habit that you can gradually reduce through a form of punishment, such as the pain of the rubber band snapping against your skin. You’ll find yourself thinking about them less after a short while. That will be a real improvement!

• Don’t text them. A “harmless” message can undo your progress as soon as you’re ignored. It will hurt more, leading to overthinking and making it even harder to forget them.
• Spending time with family and friends can help you forget many things, and it may help you forget them too. Try to meet as many people as you can.
• Stay busy. Meet new people, not to find a new partner, but to connect with those who share your interests.
• Absolutely do not text them. Doing so will bring you back to square one, and all your efforts to move on will be wasted. Start by counting the days you don’t talk to them. You’ll be amazed at how strong you become after a week, then two weeks, until one day, you won’t even count the days anymore and you’ll have completely forgotten about it.