How to Live with a Bisexual Husband

Accept your husband for who he truly is. He still possesses the qualities that made you fall in love with him, and his bisexuality is just another aspect of his identity. This trait is part of what makes him unique. As your life partner, he needs your love and support, and your relationship can thrive if you embrace this new dimension of his personality.

Learn about bisexuality. Understanding the characteristics of bisexuality helps you better comprehend your husband. Bisexuality doesn't follow a fixed pattern, as each individual experiences unique emotions and feelings. Bisexual individuals are often attracted to both genders. They tend to focus on loving individuals first, often paying less attention to specific genders. There are many myths about bisexuality that can harm relationships if you don't realize they are just misconceptions. Understanding your husband's feelings can strengthen your bond:

• Myth: A person can only be gay or straight, not both.
  • Humans are complex beings with diverse sexual orientations, including heterosexual (attracted to the opposite gender), homosexual (attracted to the same gender), bisexual (attracted to two or more genders), asexual (not attracted to any gender), pansexual (attracted regardless of gender), or transsexual (attracted to transgender individuals).
• Myth: Bisexual people cannot be faithful.
  • An individual can choose to live monogamously. Sexual orientation doesn't determine one's ability or desire for a faithful, monogamous relationship. Both partners define what monogamy means to them.
• Myth: Bisexual people are more prone to sexually transmitted diseases.
  • The rate of STDs isn't correlated with sexual orientation. Instead, it relates to how individuals protect themselves from such diseases.

Restart the relationship. You need to recognize that your relationship has entered a new phase. For your marriage to succeed and continue, you must be willing to adapt. He is still the husband you've lived with, but now you know more about his desires and feelings. Understand that you need to start anew, with new boundaries and expectations about what marriage means to both of you.

Talk to your husband about his desires. Your husband may have struggled with his bisexuality for a long time. If he hasn't told you yet, he might be hiding his true feelings. He knows that trust and respect are mutual. He has been brave enough to be honest with you. Now, you can take a step further by discussing what he wants. How does he envision your marriage? Does he want another partner? Or does he still want only you?

Understand that discussing sexuality isn't easy. Both of you might feel awkward addressing such a sensitive topic. For your husband, this might be the first time he's opened up about his bisexuality. He may feel anxious about you discovering his deep secret, hiding his emotions, or worrying about others' opinions. As for you, you might experience your own anxieties, including feelings of emptiness, concerns about the relationship, or family attitudes.

• To start the conversation, both of you should be patient and understanding. Remember that you love each other and want your partner to be happy.

Be open with each other. To improve your relationship, honest communication is essential. Set aside time daily or weekly for uninterrupted conversations. Share your concerns openly and supportively.

• You can ask your husband if he has been involved with someone else and, if so, when. Being bisexual doesn't mean he is inherently unfaithful. However, if he is considering a relationship with someone else, both of you should be honest about it. Lies and deceit won't strengthen your marriage.

Discuss your stance on monogamy. When a partner is bisexual, the spouse often worries about potential infidelity. If your husband desires a polyamorous marriage and you agree, support him in pursuing that.

• Many bisexual couples maintain long-term monogamous relationships. You need to determine what you want from the relationship.

Set boundaries. Clearly define what you want in this relationship. Establish rules about other partners or sexual activities you're both comfortable with. Are you okay with your husband being involved with one or multiple people? To what extent do you want to participate?

Decide what to share with family and friends. As you and your husband navigate this new phase of life, you may choose to share certain details with loved ones. If you have children, consider how to discuss bisexuality with them.

• When addressing the topic with your children, have an open conversation to allow them to ask questions and understand your feelings. Be patient and give them time to process the truth.

Understand that you don't need to change everything about your sexual activities. Life continues with work pressures, persistent headaches, grocery shopping, and other routines. Daily life goes on as it did before your husband revealed his bisexuality.

Ensure other aspects of life remain joyful and exciting. Marriage isn't solely about physical intimacy. Both of you can explore shared hobbies and activities. Travel together. Nurture a fulfilling life in various ways.

Explore your own sexual desires. Open conversations about intimacy and each other's desires provide an opportunity to express your own passions. You are still attractive to your husband, and he wants you to freely explore what excites you.

• Many people experience a sexual awakening when they learn their spouse is bisexual. This strengthens the relationship and enhances satisfaction.

Visit an LGBT center for support. LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) centers offer counseling, health resources, and lists of LGBT-friendly businesses and communities.

• Find a local LGBT center by visiting CenterLink: The Community of LGBT Centers.

Consult a mental health professional. Experts in relationship and sexual health issues can help you better understand your relationship and your husband's feelings. You might feel anxious or experience other emotions, and this can provide deeper insight into your perspective.

• If your relationship feels strained, consider seeking couples counseling. Many specialists now focus on LGBT-related issues.

Talk to a trusted friend or family member. While marital intimacy is often private, discussing it can shift your perspective. Choose someone nonjudgmental, respectful, and trustworthy to confide in.