How to Love Unconditionally

Love is a concept that is hard to define. From poets and psychologists to ordinary people, various attempts have been made to describe love, going beyond the simple idea of "you know it when you feel it." Defining unconditional love is even more difficult. Some believe it is the truest form of love, while others argue that it is an impossible notion. To truly believe in and love someone unconditionally, you need to invest a lot of thought, action, and trust. Only you can determine if you are capable of loving someone unconditionally, and whether you can or should love someone in such a way. However, perhaps this article might offer you some help.

Consider the various types of love that exist. Ancient Greeks once did this and identified four variations of love, as mentioned in the article Definition of Love. Among these, Agape love is the one most similar to unconditional love. Agape love is a choice, a decision to love someone regardless of circumstances or disappointments.

• Therefore, unconditional love means loving another person for who they are, simply as they are, regardless of what they do or don't do. Parents are often the ones who understand this definition best.
• This type of love can also be achieved through learning and practice. To love someone unconditionally, you need to consciously choose to do so.
• Parents may realize that they have no other choice but to love their child from the moment they are born. However, even if difficult to recognize, that initial attachment will eventually be replaced by the decision to love that child forever, no matter the circumstances.

You need to recognize that unconditional love is not blind love. A person who is newly in love may fall into this state, where they fail to see the full reality, flaws, and other aspects of the person they love.

• This state of love is (or at least should be) temporary, and it must evolve into a more lasting and 'clear-headed' form if you want to maintain the relationship.
• To love someone unconditionally, you must be aware of both the good and bad aspects.
• 'Unconditional love is not blind love; it is a decision in which nothing is more important than love.' – Talidari

Consider whether romantic love can be unconditional. Some may say no, because romantic love must have conditions to exist, being a relationship based on emotions, actions, and expectations. With this perspective, you may never be able to love your partner unconditionally, as you would love your child.

• However, love is not the same as a relationship. Relationships have conditions, a form of 'collaborative work.' An unconditional relationship is a form of unilateral decision.
• Thus, a relationship can end when the collaboration no longer functions, but unconditional love for a person can still persist. Sometimes, ending a relationship can be a way to love unconditionally.

Think of unconditional love as an action, rather than just a feeling. We often think of love as a feeling, but emotions are responses to something we 'receive' from someone or something. Therefore, emotions are conditional.

• Unconditional love is the choice to act in the best interest of others. The emotions you receive from the love-based actions are your reward, the result of your own actions.
• Unconditional love is an action driven by love, regardless of any conditions.
• If you have to do something or become someone to be loved, that love is conditional. If you receive love freely, without limitations, that is unconditional love.

Love yourself unconditionally. Unconditional love begins with yourself, in your own beloved home. You know your weaknesses and flaws better than anyone else, and you also know yourself better than you know others. When you can love yourself despite knowing your worst traits, that's when you can love others in the same way.

• You must be able to recognize, accept, and forgive your own imperfections in order to do the same for others. If you can't believe you deserve unconditional love, you'll never be able to truly offer it to someone else.

Make the choice to love. Always ask yourself, 'What is the most loving thing I can do for this person in this moment?' You cannot love everyone in the same way; an act of love for one person may harm another because it doesn't help them become truly happy.

• Unconditional love is a fresh decision you must make in every situation. It is not a rigid principle that you can apply to everyone all the time.
• For example, if two of your friends are grieving the loss of a loved one, offering a shoulder to cry on and having a long conversation may be the most loving thing for one of them, while giving them space and silence may be more appropriate for the other.
• If you’re unsure of the best way to help, simply ask, 'How can I help you?'

Forgive those you love. Even if someone does not apologize, to erase anger and resentment towards them, you need to love them and love yourself as well. Remember Piero Ferrucci's advice: forgiveness 'is not an act, but a nature.'

• In religion, you will often hear the phrase 'Hate the sin, but love the sinner.' Loving someone unconditionally does not mean approving of all their actions or choices; it means not allowing those things to affect your desire to give them the best in every way.
• If the person you love says something hurtful in anger, the loving choice is to let them know that their words have hurt you, but at the same time, forgive their unintentional words. Help them grow and know they are loved.
• However, don’t confuse willingness to forgive with allowing others to take advantage of you. Freeing yourself from an environment where you are constantly mistreated or exploited can be a loving choice for both yourself and the other person.

Don’t expect you can protect your loved ones from pain and disappointment. Part of loving someone is nurturing their growth as a person, and pain and disappointment are an inevitable part of that process. Unconditional love means doing everything you can to make that person happy and comfortable, but also helping them grow through inevitable painful experiences.

• Don’t lie to 'protect' your loved one’s feelings; support them as they process their emotions and face their pain.
• For example, lying about being financially drained to spare someone’s feelings may cause more harm and mistrust in the long run. Instead, be honest, offer support, and work together to find a solution.

Love more by 'caring' less. Isn't love simply about caring? Yes, it is, but you show your 'care' by striving for their happiness and peace. However, you shouldn’t 'care' in a way that ties your love to a specific outcome, as that would make it conditional love.

• So, don’t say, 'I don’t care what you want [because your peace has nothing to do with me]'; instead, say 'I don’t care what you want [because I love you, no matter what you choose or how you act].'
• You don’t love someone to receive actions that please you; your happiness comes from your unconditional loving actions.

Accept yourself and the nature of the person you love. You are not perfect, but you are fully capable of loving others; similarly, others are not perfect, but they are worthy of love.

• Unconditional love is acceptance – not expecting others to make you happy through their choices or way of life. You cannot control anyone else but yourself.
• Your brother may often make wrong choices, but that should not affect the love you have for him. Don’t love others because of how they live, love them simply because they live.

• Practice doing something kind for someone every day, simply out of love. Do it without expecting anything in return, without the need for others to acknowledge it. For instance, you could pray for friends or family who are far away, or send an email, message, or handwritten letter to someone you haven't been in touch with for a while. Compliment others, or smile at a stranger passing by. You can even shower affection on your pet dog or cat. Perform small acts of love each day, and feel your heart expand as you give more love.
• Love is about wishing for others to live happily. Love is about giving, not receiving.
• You don’t need to be perfect to love others, just be honest and that’s enough.