How to Maintain a Long-Distance Relationship

Stay connected. Since you can’t meet in person, building and maintaining an emotional connection regularly is crucial. Conversations don’t need to be lengthy or overly detailed. Frequent communication, even if brief, shows that you care enough to invest time and effort into the relationship, and it makes it easier to stay updated on each other’s lives. If you let too much time pass (several days at a stretch), your daily experiences will fade, and you’ll have to start from scratch every time you reconnect.

• Pay attention to your partner’s preferred communication methods. Experiment with different platforms to find what works best for both of you. You can try texting, emailing, or using video calls to share even the smallest details of your daily lives.
• Plan your schedule. If you realize you’ll be too busy to chat, let your partner know in advance and try to stay in touch as much as possible. If you’re less busy than your partner, be flexible and focus on doing something you enjoy.

Talk about the ordinary and little things. Don’t assume every conversation has to revolve around deep discussions about your relationship, hopes, or dreams. Instead, focus on the small, everyday moments that couples living together would notice, like grocery shopping, doing chores, or redecorating your space. This creates a sense of building a home together, something both of you can look forward to.

• Discussing mundane or routine moments in your day can also foster connection and interdependence, which are the foundation of any relationship.

Visit each other often. Try to arrange time to meet as frequently as possible, depending on your financial situation. Make it a priority to see your partner whenever the opportunity arises. Establish a regular schedule for visits, or at least plan the next meeting right after the current one ends. Face-to-face interaction is just as important for satisfaction, commitment, and trust in the relationship.

• Create traditions during your visits, like dining at a favorite restaurant, enjoying a quiet night in, or engaging in a shared hobby.
• Plan your travel arrangements so they don’t interfere with your time together. Know where to meet at the airport or train station. Learn to travel light or keep essentials at your partner’s place to save time.
• Occasionally meet in new locations. Travel together to a place neither of you has been, or choose a midpoint between your two locations.

Get to know each other. Like any relationship, take time to recognize and understand your partner. During conversations, pay attention to what they enjoy most (like hobbies or daily activities), and do a little research on those topics to have more to talk about.

• Knowing your partner’s interests also helps when exchanging gifts. Giving gifts is a way to share your feelings across the distance.

Remember your partner is human. Distance can make you more affectionate, but it can also lead to idealizing your partner. While this might stabilize the relationship, over-idealization (thinking they’re perfect) can make reuniting with the real person much harder.

• Maintaining daily communication about your everyday lives helps humanize your partner and keeps you aware of the changes they’re going through.

Support each other, even from afar. Be there for your partner when they’re facing trouble, hurt, or any challenges. Show your willingness to help so they know you care. If your partner has to handle major issues alone, they may eventually stop needing you. Interdependence means willingly sacrificing your own interests for your partner’s or for the relationship. Instead, support each other to build mutual dependence, which is essential for a long-distance relationship.

• Interdependence can be seen in everyday actions, like compromising on decisions and long-term habits, such as quitting smoking.

Build trust. Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, regardless of distance. Strive to remain faithful to your partner and resist temptations. If you make a mistake, honesty is crucial—tell the truth even if lying might seem easier. For instance, if you’re in a tempting situation (like being at a bar), lying about your location might benefit you, but being truthful benefits the relationship.

• Regularly using emails and other online tools can help foster trust in romantic relationships.

Don’t act irrationally just because you’re angry or disappointed with your partner. Communication is key—if you have an issue, talk about it to build trust and connection. You can’t sustain a relationship if you fear retaliation for something you did in anger.

Share something together. Create something both of you can access and contribute to, like an online blog or a scrapbook. This provides a new way to communicate and gives you a sense of working on something together. You could start a food blog documenting culinary adventures, post workout photos on Instagram, or create a special hashtag on Twitter just for the two of you.

• Share your online calendars too. If you can’t meet, you’ll have context for understanding why. It also gives you something to talk about, like “How was the concert last night?”

Do the same things at the same time. This helps bridge the distance and creates a sense of connection. You’ll feel closer to your partner and strengthen your bond. If you’re unsure what to do, try these ideas:

• Plan to cook the same meal on the same day. If neither of you enjoys cooking, plan to eat the same dish or snack.
• Read the same book or article. You can even take turns reading aloud to each other.
• Watch a TV show or movie together. Keep your call going and share reactions in real-time.
• Use video calls to chat while eating or watching something together.
• Sleep together. You can talk on the phone or video chat until you both fall asleep. Doing this occasionally can make you feel closer.

Learn together. Choose an activity you both enjoy, like taking an online language class or learning to knit. Do anything that interests both of you. This creates a sense of shared memories and gives you something to bond over. It’s also a great way to spend time together and gives you something to talk about.

• Use the internet. Play multiplayer online games or something classic like chess. Either way, you can chat while playing, creating the feeling of being together.

Make your partner feel special. Do small things to show you care. Write handwritten love letters and send them. Or, surprise them with small gifts, gift cards, or flowers for no reason. Finding ways to send something to your partner has never been easier.

• Don’t feel like it has to be extravagant. Small, consistent gestures are just as important as making them feel special on big occasions.

Find shared interests. Try new things together, even if you’re doing them in different places. This way, your relationship isn’t just about phone calls, which can make things feel monotonous. Instead, do something romantic like stargazing while on a call. Set daily alarms for the same time and think of each other when they go off.

• Remind yourself that your partner is also thinking of you while doing these activities, even if you’re apart. This strengthens your connection.

Build relationships. It’s important to feel like you have a place in your partner’s life. Try meeting their friends, either online or in person. This helps you understand their world better and makes communication easier.

• If one of you has to move to be together, they’ll also be leaving their friends behind. Start building a social and professional network for the person relocating.

Discuss the nature of your relationship. Ask important questions now to ensure both of you are clear about the relationship's nature. Define the type of relationship you both desire. For instance, are you dating, seeing each other, boyfriend-girlfriend, or engaged? You should also define exclusivity in the relationship (whether you are seeing other people). For example, you might ask, "Would you be willing to relocate if this relationship becomes more serious?" or "What are you looking for in this relationship?"

• Although these might be tough questions to ask and could lead to challenging conversations, defining the relationship will help you avoid heartaches and misunderstandings later. This is a crucial step in building the relationship you both want.

Share doubts, uncertainties, and fears with each other. Explore scary and difficult topics alongside the good ones. Treat this as an opportunity to authentically explore your emotions. Recognizing your partner's ups and downs when you're apart will make it easier to accept and be comfortable with their low moments when you're together.

• It's understandable if you want to focus on the positive. But you should also let your partner know about your negative moments. Both of you are human, and humans can't always be happy—and that's perfectly okay.

Maintain a positive attitude. Focus on the advantages of the geographical distance, such as the opportunity to pursue personal interests, hobbies, or career goals. Understand that the distance will force you both to be more creative in communication and expressing emotions. Treat this as a chance to challenge your communication and emotional skills.

• As long as you view this long-distance relationship as a temporary state, you'll keep your head high and provide your partner with a sense of security and happiness.

Have realistic expectations. Remember, all relationships require diligence and dedication to the person you love or your partner, whether near or far. If you and your partner are willing to follow these steps, expect obstacles and twists along the way. If you learn to navigate them, these challenges will contribute to building a stronger relationship in the long run.

• For example, you might struggle with being apart on important days or holidays. If you know you can't be together on your anniversary, plan something special to stay connected.

• If you must fly or use other public transportation to visit your partner, immediately enroll in a good rewards program (airline miles or frequent flyer points). These miles will add up, and the rewards will help sustain your travels over time, possibly even giving you a surprise visit or two.
• Create a countdown item and share it with your partner until you meet again. For example, make a photo calendar, adding something to each day’s page that describes what you love about your partner.
• Talk to someone. Having a roommate or family member around can help you feel less lonely.
• Send photos to your partner as often as possible. Share snapshots. This will bring joy to both of you.
• In long-distance relationships, arguments can easily arise because you can’t always discern the tone behind messages. It’s also easy to say hurtful things when you’re not face-to-face, but those words can still hurt just as much. Be especially careful when interpreting your partner’s words (they might not mean what you think) and when speaking in anger.