Buzz
Pursuing a girl who already has a boyfriend is no easy task. Not only are the chances of rejection higher compared to if she were single, but you might also face hostility from her current partner. If you genuinely care for her and are determined to take the risk, it’s essential to weigh the pros and cons carefully. Once you’re ready, approach her gradually with kindness and respect. If things go well, be prepared to build a meaningful and lasting relationship with the girl you admire!
Steps
Consider Your Options
Ask yourself why you want to pursue her. Before taking any action, reflect on why you’re interested in a girl who is already in a relationship. Do you truly care for her and want the best for her? Do you believe she’d be happier with you than with her current partner? If not, pause and seriously evaluate whether pursuing her is the right decision.
- For instance, if you’re trying to win her over just for the thrill of the challenge or to spite her boyfriend, your relationship is unlikely to be fulfilling or end well.
Find out if she’s happy in her current relationship. Face the facts—it’s unlikely you’ll win over a girl who’s deeply in love with her boyfriend. However, if she seems dissatisfied with her current relationship or is treated poorly by her partner, there might be hope. Gently try to understand the true nature of her romantic situation.
- If possible, observe your crush and her boyfriend when they’re together. Do you notice awkward silences or tension between them? Does he snap at her or belittle her? Or do they seem happy, laughing, and affectionate?
- It might also help to talk to one of her close friends to gather insights about her relationship.
Tip: Even if her relationship with her boyfriend seems terrible, don’t expect her to leave it easily. Ending a toxic relationship can be incredibly difficult.
Look for signs that she is interested in you. If she doesn’t show even a slight interest in you, your chances are slim. Before making any moves, look for signs of mutual attraction. For example, does she:
- Maintain eye contact when talking to you?
- Smile or laugh often around you?
- Seek opportunities to be near you?
- Open up easily in conversations with you?
- Initiate physical touch?
Step back if you don’t think you can handle a complicated relationship. Getting involved with a girl who already has a boyfriend inevitably leads to complications. Before taking any action, consider:
- Are you prepared to deal with the pain your actions might cause her current boyfriend, as well as yourself and her?
- Do you believe you can build a stronger, more lasting relationship with her than the one she’s currently in?
- If she leaves her boyfriend for you, are you ready for the possibility that she might one day leave you for someone else?
Start the Relationship
Be there for her as a friend. Before making any moves, take the time to get to know her first. This not only gives her a chance to grow fond of you but also allows you to carefully consider whether this risky relationship is worth pursuing. Look for opportunities to spend time with her in a fun, casual way without showing any romantic intentions.
- To make her feel more comfortable, start by inviting her to hang out with a group of friends. This way, she won’t feel like you’re asking her out on a date.
- For example, you could invite her to a party or a movie night with a group of mutual friends.
Tip: You might fear falling into the “friend zone,” but studies show that genuine friendship is a strong foundation for building love. Don’t hesitate to be friends first before taking the relationship to the next level!
Treat her with respect. Remember that she is a person, not a prize to be won. Respect her—and the fact that she’s in a relationship. If she’s uncomfortable with anything you do, respect her boundaries and step back.
- For example, if she says, “You know, I don’t like it when you tease my boyfriend,” don’t take it personally. Apologize and stop.
Give her your full attention when you’re together. Show her that you value and respect her by genuinely engaging when you’re around her. Keep the conversation flowing, but let her do most of the talking. When she shares something, follow up with a question to show you’re actively listening.
- For example, if she mentions her dream of becoming a doctor, don’t just say, “Oh, cool,” and move on. Ask something like, “What made you interested in medicine?”
- Don’t just think about what you’ll say next during the conversation. Instead, focus on what she’s saying and respond thoughtfully.
- Put away your phone and any distractions when you’re spending time together.
Open up to her a little. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable around her, she’ll get to know you better and understand your circumstances. Opening up also shows that you trust her and feel comfortable in her presence.
- For example, you could share a secret, admit a weakness, or show her you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone by trying something new.
- Don’t be afraid to show her your emotional side. For instance, if you’re watching a sad movie together and it makes you tear up, don’t hide your feelings from her!
Flirt with her if she’s comfortable. If she seems at ease around you and enjoys your company, try flirting a little. Remember to maintain eye contact and smile while talking. You can also charm her by:
- Playfully teasing her. If you joke around, keep it lighthearted and fun. Avoid saying anything mean or making her the butt of the joke.
- Exuding confidence. Sit up straight, speak clearly, and maintain open and relaxed body language when you’re around her.
- Draw her attention to your lips. It might sound odd, but subtly directing her focus to your mouth can make her think about kissing. Smile often, occasionally touch your chin, and if you’re drinking, hold the glass near your lips a little longer than usual.
Show her you’d be a great boyfriend. To win over a girl who already has a boyfriend, you need to outshine her current partner. Don’t try to mimic him because you think she likes that—instead, be the best version of yourself when you’re with her. If you know something she’s missing in her current relationship, demonstrate that you can provide it.
- For example, if you notice her boyfriend never jokes around with her, and you have a good sense of humor, show her your playful side—she might enjoy being with someone who makes her laugh.
- If her boyfriend seems indifferent to her interests, prove you’re different by asking questions or joining her in her hobbies. For instance, say, “Oh, you like board games? I’ve always wanted to try Catan. Let’s play sometime!”
Hint that you like her. Once you’ve spent time together and grown closer, subtly let her know you want more than just friendship. Don’t pressure her or expect an immediate response—just share your feelings and wait for her to react.
- To drop subtle hints, give her genuine compliments. For example, say, “You look amazing today!” or “Seeing you always brightens my day.”
- You can also use light physical touch—like placing your hand on her shoulder or hand briefly during a conversation. Make sure she’s comfortable with it.
- If you’re not great at hints and feel confident she likes you too, consider confessing your feelings. Just know this approach is riskier!
John Keegan
Expert in Marriage and Love
Expert in Marriage and Love
Ask how serious her relationship is. Find out if she loves her boyfriend and whether they have future plans together. You might discover she’s ready to end things and start something new with you.
Let her take the next step. If you believe she knows about your feelings, from now on, let her make the choice. If she wants to move forward with you, she might invite you out alone or even confess her feelings for you.
Build the relationship
Continue to treat her well and respect her if you two truly come together. Even after winning her heart, there's still much to do. Remember, she made a significant decision to be with you while already in a relationship. Show her that her choice was worthwhile by treating her kindly and always being there for her.
Give her time to get over her past relationship. Breakups are rarely easy, regardless of the circumstances. Even though she left her boyfriend for you, she still needs time to process her emotions before starting a new relationship.
Strive to keep the relationship between you two exciting. If she left her previous relationship out of boredom, you'll need to put in effort to ensure your relationship doesn't end up the same. Keep things interesting with fun activities and occasionally surprise her with something new.
Tip: Don’t assume you know exactly how she feels or what she likes. Occasionally, try asking her directly!
Prepare yourself for complex emotions. Both you and your girlfriend might have lingering feelings about her past relationship. For instance, she might feel guilty about leaving her ex, while you might feel a bit jealous or insecure when she mentions him. In such moments, be honest with her and yourself about your emotions, but avoid being judgmental or accusatory. These feelings are natural.
Advice
- Before pursuing a relationship with a girl who already has a boyfriend, you need to be realistic. It’s likely she’ll hesitate to end her current relationship. If she says she’s not interested in you, respect her wishes and don’t push further.
