How to Make a Girl Smile Through Text Messages

Make her feel like you can’t wait to share something with her. Ordinary conversation starters like “Hi, how are you?” or “What are you doing?” might seem a bit dull, as if you have nothing else to do. Instead, kick off your message with something that’ll make her want to know more, like “Guess what I just did?” or “You won’t believe what happened at the office today.” This will immediately spark her curiosity and make her feel special because you chose her to share your interesting story. Don’t worry about coming up with something extraordinary—according to expert John Keegan, simplicity makes the conversation fun and takes the pressure off.

Show that you value her opinion. You’ll feel proud when someone asks for your advice before making a decision, especially when that decision highlights your strengths, right? Essentially, you just need to say something like “I know Hương is an expert on this, so I’d love to hear her thoughts.” In fact, this can also be a great way to flirt, so make the most of it!

• If she’s into fashion, you can send her a picture of a pair of pants and two shirts and ask which one suits better.
• If she’s always up-to-date with the latest music, you can ask her to recommend a new album.
• If she’s great at handling social situations, ask her for advice on how to handle an awkward social scenario.

Mention something you like about her. A well-timed, sincere compliment can make anyone feel good. Compliment something you noticed about her the last time you two met or in a photo, like her smile or her stylish outfit. To make a stronger impression, focus on a trait of her personality—this shows that you truly understand her on a deeper level.

• For example, you could say, “There’s something I really admire about you: no matter what you go through, you always look on the bright side.”
• You could also say, “You have this incredible way of making everyone around you feel special. That’s a real gift!”
• Don’t overdo it with the compliments, though, or it might seem insincere. A few thoughtful compliments now and then, when she needs encouragement, will suffice.

Bring up a sweet memory between you and her. When you’re out and see something that reminds you of the girl you know, share it with her. She’ll be happy to know she’s always on your mind. Take a photo and send it with a caption like, “Remember when we debated about this?” or “This scene reminds me of the movie we watched together.”

• This is a great way to reconnect if it’s been a while since you last talked—just send a casual message saying you suddenly thought of her, then chat for a bit to catch up!
• If you want to cheer up a girl who’s feeling down, you can also remind her of a fun memory you both shared. For example, you could say, “Do you remember when we made the cake? We made such a mess, but we had so much fun!”
• A great tip from expert Cher Gopman: Don’t hesitate to send a selfie to let her know you’re not only thinking of her but also wish she were there with you.

Lift her spirits with your cheerful personality. Talk about movies, music, or TV shows; tell her some funny stories; send her memes that you think will make her burst out laughing—anything lighthearted works. You can even tease her a little, as long as it doesn’t come off as mocking.

• If you’re struggling to find something to say, you can never go wrong with sending a GIF or a video of a cute animal doing something funny.
• It’s best to avoid sensitive topics like politics, religion, race, or class struggle. You don’t have to completely steer clear of these subjects, but it’s better to wait until you meet in person, when you can gauge each other’s tone and body language to avoid crossing any boundaries.

Give her the opportunity to open up. When you ask someone about themselves, it shows that you genuinely care about them. Just be careful not to ask too many questions at once, as it might feel like an interrogation. Instead, ask one question and continue the conversation a bit before moving on.

• To learn more about her past, you could ask questions like, “What family traditions did you enjoy growing up?” or “What’s your happiest memory?” You could also ask about her career, hobbies, or pets to get a better idea of her daily life.
• To find out about her dreams, you could ask, “If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?” or “What’s your dream job?”
• Use these questions to discover common ground and keep the conversation going. For example, if she mentions sushi, a few days later you could send her a picture of the cute sushi rolls you made yourself.

Be someone who listens and offers support. Whether she’s a friend, acquaintance, or girlfriend, there will be times when she just needs someone to talk to. It can be harder to show you’re truly listening through text messages, so occasionally send responses like “Oh” or “What happened next?” to let her know you’re paying attention.

• Try asking deeper questions to understand the situation better and show you truly care.
• Avoid giving advice unless she asks for it. She may just need a shoulder to lean on, not advice.
• Flirting is fun and has its place, but if she’s dealing with a serious issue, this probably isn’t the right time for playful teasing.

Give her the chance to get to know who you are. Share something you’re passionate about and explain why it’s important to you. If she likes you, she’ll likely smile seeing your excitement, and she might even discover a new interest of her own!

• For example, you could talk about a recipe you’ve created, why you enjoy rowing, or a musician who you feel deserves more recognition.
• Try turning it into an invitation to hang out. If you’re talking about rowing, for instance, you might say, “Next time I want to invite you to come along. Would you like to give it a try?”
• Don’t overdo it and dominate the conversation. If she mentions something she’s passionate about, steer the conversation toward her for a bit.

Come up with some fun activities to do together with her. Texting can be enjoyable, but eventually, you might want to spend time together in person. Share some ideas with her for what you’d like to do next time you hang out. Be sure to follow through on one of the activities you discussed when you meet, so she doesn’t feel disappointed.

• For example, you could say, "Hey, I found a great café in the city center. How about we grab an iced mocha this Saturday, and then maybe do some shopping?"
• Your plans don’t have to be overly specific. You could say, "Next summer, I’d love to take you on a boat ride. I think you’d really enjoy it!"
• Even if you’re just friends or have been dating for a while, always try to come up with fresh and exciting things to do together.

Occasionally give her a chance to miss you. She may always have her phone close by, but that doesn’t mean you need to text constantly every day. If she mentions she’s busy with something, or if the conversation slows down, find something else to occupy your time. The next time you reach out, it could be for something interesting, but don’t text just to say hi out of boredom.

• There’s no set rule for how often to text—it depends on your relationship. If you’re dating or very close friends, texting a few times a day is fine. If you’re not that close, it’s okay to text every few days.
• Additionally, the old “3-day rule” is outdated. Expert Joshua Pompey says that you don’t need to wait three days after a date to send a message. With phones always nearby, silence after a great date just makes you seem uninterested.