How to make a narcissist come back begging to you

After breaking up with a narcissist, you might feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. But if you want them to come back, you don’t need to beg for their attention—you can make *them* willingly return to plead with *you*. Maybe you don’t even want them back but just want to deliver one final rejection. In this article, we’ll show you exactly how to make your narcissistic ex realize what they’ve lost and desperately want you back.

Your silent treatment will show the narcissist they can’t control you. After the breakup, your ex likely still believes you’ll talk to them every day or beg for their attention. You can provoke the narcissist by ignoring their calls and not replying to their messages. The longer you stay silent, the more they’ll worry about losing you forever.

• If your ex keeps calling or texting, feel free to block their number.

Showcase your joyful moments online for them to see. Many narcissists use social media as a means to seek approval. If you know your ex is frequently online, you can leverage this to your advantage. Every time you go out with friends or explore nature, post a few pictures on your social media account to show your ex how much fun you're having without them.

• The narcissist is convinced that you would be too sad to enjoy anything after breaking up with them. If you show them the opposite, they will be very annoyed.

Socialize with others to prove to your ex that you no longer need them. If your ex previously tried to isolate you or prevent you from meeting friends (as narcissists often do), they will be very irritated to see you reconnecting with your acquaintances. Spend time enjoying the company of those you care about to show your ex how you can move on from them and be happy.

• Moreover, relying on a support network can help you heal from the wounds of a difficult breakup.

Narcissists feel threatened when they see others happy. If you truly want to upset your narcissistic ex, go out and date other people. You can keep the relationship casual if you're not ready for something serious, but be prepared for your ex to come running back.

• Narcissists want you to be obsessed with thoughts of them, just as they are obsessed with themselves. Dating someone else shows them that you can move on and live happily.

Make the narcissist believe they have permanently lost you. If there's one thing a narcissist can't stand, it's losing control over someone. If you've both decided to break up, let your ex know that you won't reverse your decision just because they now regret it.

• “We’re not together anymore, remember? You’ll have to ask someone else for help.”
• “Sorry, I’m really busy. Besides, we’re not dating anymore.”

Narcissists will try to provoke you, but don’t let them succeed. Your ex might insult you or spread rumors to bring you down. If you have to interact with them, the best way to stop them is to stay calm and not show any emotions in front of them. This can be challenging, so try taking deep breaths and counting to 10 whenever you feel the urge to react.

• Another effective way to stay calm is to use the “gray rock” technique. Respond to them with dull, uninteresting replies like “Uh-huh” or “Okay,” acting as unresponsive as a gray rock.

Establish boundaries to show the narcissist they no longer control you. If your relationship with the narcissist lasted a long time, they likely became accustomed to pushing you around. Demonstrate that things have changed by setting firm boundaries and sticking to them. Since you’ve broken up, tell them they need to limit contact with you or only reach out for essential matters.

• “We’re no longer together, so I’ll only respond to your messages in emergencies. Please stop texting me every day.”
• “Don’t call me while I’m at work anymore. If you keep calling during work hours, I’ll block your number.”

Narcissists want you to value their approval above all else. They often try to make those around them feel inferior. When you no longer need a narcissist’s approval, they’ll start to worry about losing control over you. If they criticize or belittle your choices, ignore them and show that their words have no effect on you.

• Use neutral responses like “You’re entitled to your opinion” or “I don’t need your input” to quickly shut the narcissist down.
• To stop seeking their approval, focus on your self-worth. Repeat affirmations like “I deserve happiness” or “I am amazing in my own way.”

Strengthen yourself to show you’re resilient. When a narcissist lets you go, they expect you to break down and cry (how could you live without them?). Prove to your ex that you’re strong and capable by focusing on your hobbies and career to better yourself. If you show them you’re thriving and enjoying life, they’ll soon come crawling back.

• Showcase your progress by posting on social media or sharing with mutual friends.

Flatter the narcissist’s ego with praise to lure them back. Complimenting the ex you’re trying to make jealous might sound counterintuitive, but for a narcissist, it’s a great way to remind them of what they’ve lost. After ignoring them for a few weeks and living your life, reach out and offer a few kind words. They won’t be able to resist your charm.

• “Hey, long time no see! How have you been? I saw your recent Instagram post—you look amazing.”
• “Hi there. How are you? I heard you finally got that degree you’ve been working toward. I just wanted to congratulate you.”

To get a narcissist back, you might need to take the blame for what happened. Remember, narcissists struggle to admit when they’re wrong. If you’re talking to your ex again and genuinely want them back, tell them you were the one who messed up, not them.

• “I shouldn’t have rushed to break up with you. I’m sorry for hurting you.”
• “I know I messed everything up. Can you ever forgive me?”

• Many narcissists are incapable of expressing genuine love. Keep this in mind if you’re trying to win back a narcissist, as your relationship may never meet your expectations.

• Returning to a narcissist is not advisable, especially in toxic or abusive relationships. If you’re in an abusive relationship and need help, you can call the domestic violence hotline at 1800 1768 or the national child protection hotline at 111. In the U.S., call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.